Is there a way for me to know that my Aspie BF values me?

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NT girl here who loves her Aspie BF very much. I've read in an article that Aspies do not prioritize relationships unlike NTs do. Is this true? It doesn't matter though, I still love and accept my partner no matter what. Would like to know though if there are "clues" that may suggest that my partner values me?

It really just depends on the guy. I think the problem is that aspies don't easily understand they SHOULD prioritize love interests. We want a gf, we don't want to be lonely, but we want our SO to exist on our terms. You better not cheat on me. But if I'm playing on my computer or my video games or my special interest, you're just gonna have to wait. I'm feeling overwhelmed, so I'm going to my quiet space...and I expect you to be there when I come back. Could be three hours, three days, or three weeks. But you have to stay there and wait, because I don't want to be lonely.

It's not fair to the other person, but many aspies learn to feel entitled to this kind of pattern. Then they moan about how nobody wants them. Not EVERYONE is like that, of course. But the trick is to get us to understand that you're a human being, too, and by him treating you the way you want to be treated, he's really doing himself a favor because you will want to encourage and support him in the other things he's most interested in.

I explained early on in my relationship with my SO that music is my way of life, that while it's something we have in common, it's the music that keeps me alive. Yes, it's all-consuming, but with music that's what it takes to keep bills paid. So she benefits from my "obsession" while also contributing to our income. My income is meager, but together we accomplish a lot. What she has discovered is that she's not really second place in my life. She is my inspiration, and everything that comes out of what I do goes to support her. She's the reason I do it.

It's not easy to get aspies to shift from self-importance to putting others first because it seems so illogical to us. If you can demonstrate the personal benefits of synergy and symbiosis to an aspie, you might get somewhere.

People especially girlfriends take enormous amount of effort from me. I am only willing to do it if the other person is a very high priority to me.

I value relationships very high, and wont waste my energy on someone who isnt worth it.

My experience.

Easy... just ask him.

If he spends time with you, if he talks with you - then you are in!

If you want to hear the words then I second just asking, I don't think it is true that people on the spectrum value relationships any less but rather its just expressing it.

Just ask, he'll tell you. Then after he has know, deep down, that short of a major earthquake in your relationship the answer won't change. Don't be surprised if he feels no compulsion to remind you how he values you though, he won't see any need to mention it unless his feelings change, and all other things being equal they're very unlikely to change.

If there's any "something" that especially makes you feel valued, tell him. If he's like me he'll make the effort to do it, possibly to the point of it becoming annoying because he won't pick up when the exceptions are unless how to spot when you don't want this thing is explained in advance, in clear and easy to spot ways. Also be aware, that if you do tell him such a "something", and you get annoyed because he did it at some "bad moment", he'll feel betrayed that you said you wanted this something and suddenly don't anymore. It feels like something inside dies when that happens with a girlfriend. So if you do tell him such a thing, think through what you say carefully first.

Definitely is something very hard to accept but does not mean you cannot remind him tht you exist. If you love him and are set that you want to be with him long term just like my gf did then there are a lot of stuff that you will have to come to wrongplanet for some advice. Lucky for me my gf loves video games as much as I do but there are times that she wants to go do other stuff and as much as I don't want to do anything but play games. I do make a effort to make her apart of my schedule even if I have to physically right her name in my schedule but she also consistently reminds me of doing things with her and it doesn't annoy me because I love her and I get she has feelings. And to me I have small reminders set as alarms in my phone that say things like give her a kiss and tell her you love her. Another one I have says plan something to do with babe.
Another says take my baby to go watch the stars. The way I see it is that every one likes gifts but gifts don't always have to be worth physical money I know she appreciates even if I kiss her on the forehead.
Hopes this helps someone.

I have spoken to my friend about this many times . . . . He also says "I spend time with you, I communicate with you therefore I like you" if I question our friendship he says "I have no doubts that we are friends any doubts therefore are in your own mind" if I say that he rarely says things such as "you are v special" "I care for you" " I like spending time with you" he says "think of them as little nuggets of gold all the more special because of their rarity" . . . He does get cross and says that he has told me many times that he appreciates all I do within our friendship but it seems that I need him to constantly say these things"

How do I know he values me . . . .. at the moment I am struggling with that one . . .. . ..

Yes I know that . . .. . And about most things I accept it. . .. . However there becomes a level of non reciprocation that you wonder "why am I doing this"