Messaging guys

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Is it common for women to initiate on dating sites? Could it come off as desperate, creepy or even aggressive? I only initiated a couple of times on dating sites, but those times I have they wouldn't reply back or the conversation wouldn't last long. Most of the time I don't because if I like them and visit their profile they would probably be the ones messaging me if they were interested.

Not creepy at all. It's perfectly acceptable.

The "guy should make the first move" rule is based on outdated gender roles.

They haven't replied back because they weren't into you. If they liked you, they wouldn't mind you writing first.

Whatever, but as a software developer I guarantee that would mean more dates. Some guys avoid online dating because of dotcoms capitalizing on misery but if any substantial number of us were to be pursued online I could see that changing fast. At least half of them probably thought you were a robot.

I'd certainly appreciate if more woman would initiate.

I know you don't want to listen to us, and you are just seeking for confirmation on not messaging first.

I share your pain, man.

Me too. Because I would feel awkward doing it.

Back when I was using okcupid I tried messaging guys but none of them replied, I didn't do that very often though but I certainly did try that.

I wish I was a mind reader, especially one that could even do it over the internet.

Fembots are probably a greater scourge on big sites like that.

On the internet, real humans are often too good to be true. I'm just not into impromptu dating & haven't been since Facebook became the norm when I was in HS. I think I could deal with the idea if any of this were marketed towards me but I don't foresee that.

I meant the ones who I didn't message, but who I liked and viewed. If a guys didn't reply to a message I wouldn't send him anymore.

It's simply a very common female narrative to justify not initiating with guys.

And I am so tired of it already.

The reasons why those guys ignore you is because of this: What's really going on, that all of you only message the top 1% hottest guys on the dating sites, so these guys get plenty of messages, so they simply ignore you or even miss your messages.

@slw, ok slw, we males are jerks, we don't like to be messaged, just don't initiate messaging with us. Happy now?

Far less common amongst Western-cultures than Eastern-cultures.

For whatever it's worth all the girls that actually like me tend to be the ones initiating. Once in a while I'll suggest somewhere to go out but normally I take things slow & acknowledge female planning inclinations.


Anyone who meets me knows my efforts are wasted on text messages. Let me be clear: one sentence from one particular girl makes my entire WEEK. Sure I'd be stunned if I got a bunch of emails like that, though not a bad stunned.

most women don't message guys first because it can create a situation where a guy who may otherwise not be interested may pretend to be because they spotted that this women likes them, and they can try to find something to take advantage of.

but, don't overthink it. if you like someone, message them.