Attracted to Other Women Unintentionally

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Corny
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07 Apr 2017, 1:43 pm

This may sound bad or wrong. But when I see girls that are like around my age and think they're attractive looking. I just look at them. I watch their butts move. And look at their boobs. You know what most guys naturally do when they see a girl they find attractive. But I'm wondering if it's wrong that I do this since I already have a girlfriend? I know better than to tell her that. Oh my god! She would be ticked and smack me. But is it wrong that I do that when I see girls attractive? And then I imagine me being with them. But then I try to stop myself from doing that. Since I already have a girl. Do you guys do that?



kraftiekortie
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07 Apr 2017, 1:55 pm

You're a normal, red-blooded 17-year-old kid in this respect.

Don't tell your girlfriend. But I'm sure your girlfriend knows that you probably get horny at the sight of nice boobs, butts, etc.

Unless you actually go up to those girls and touch them, there's nothing wrong here.



Corny
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07 Apr 2017, 1:58 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
You're a normal, red-blooded 17-year-old kid in this respect.

Don't tell your girlfriend. But I'm sure your girlfriend knows that you probably get horny at the sight of nice boobs, butts, etc.

Unless you actually go up to those girls and touch them, there's nothing wrong here.

Yeah I know better than too come up to them and touch them. Because that would be called sexual harassment.



Boxman108
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07 Apr 2017, 2:12 pm

Just because you're with someone doesn't mean you suddenly stop being attracted to other people. That's just some corny cuck bs lol. It's all natural, just depends on whether you act on anything. That said there's always room to reevaluate your current relationship.


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Corny
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07 Apr 2017, 2:13 pm

Boxman108 wrote:
Just because you're with someone doesn't mean you suddenly stop being attracted to other people. That's just some corny cuck bs lol. It's all natural, just depends on whether you act on anything. That said there's always room to reevaluate your current relationship.

Act on anything? What do you mean by that?



Sweetleaf
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07 Apr 2017, 3:54 pm

Well its not like your brain filters out attractive people so you don't see them if you're in a relationship...so no I don't think it is wrong to notice other people you find attractive, but glancing is probably better then outright staring at them. Now if you're literally picturing being with them instead then that may be a little problematic...if its just a passing whim I suppose you can't control every thought you have.

I have a boyfriend and I still notice when I find other people attractive, but I don't consider the thought of being with them instead...aside from maybe a very vague curiosity of what it may have been like. But I love my boyfriend too much for any of that to persist for any amount of time.


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leejosepho
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07 Apr 2017, 4:31 pm

Corny wrote:
I know better than too come up to them and touch them. Because that would be called sexual harassment.

Yes, or even worse, and possibly also a matter of lust:
Quote:
Lust, noun (Webster)
1. Longing desire; eagerness to possess or enjoy; as the lust of gain.
2. Concupiscence; carnal appetite; unlawful desire of carnal pleasure.
3. Evil propensity; depraved affections and desires.

LUST, verb intransitive
1. To desire eagerly; to long; with after.
2. To have carnal desire; to desire eagerly the gratification of carnal appetite.
e.g. "Whosoever looks upon a woman to lust after her has in his heart already committed adultery [or fornication] with her." Matthew 5:28.
3. To have irregular or inordinate desires.

I am certainly not accusing you of anything here, just sharing my own life-long challenge of not looking too long or not looking in the wrong places and all of that as well as having to carefully and thoughtfully reject various thoughts or curiosities that can show up in my mind without my ever having to make any conscious effort to bring them in.


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Corny
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07 Apr 2017, 4:50 pm

I guess when I think this. It's not for romantic reasons. It's sexual. But that's not what I look for in girls. It's their personality and fun to be around. And never actually plan on sex or at least after marriage with a condom so I won't have kids.



leejosepho
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07 Apr 2017, 5:18 pm

Corny wrote:
I guess when I think this. It's not for romantic reasons. It's sexual. But that's not what I look for in girls. It's their personality and fun to be around.

That makes sense to me, so the challenge is to enjoy simple friendships and sociability without being misunderstood! During my High-School years, I spent a lot of time water-skiing on the lake during the summers with a very-attractive girl without either of us ever displaying any kind of attraction for the other. I do not think her boyfriend ever understood, but my own girlfriend knew there was nothing in anything there to threaten her.


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Chronos
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07 Apr 2017, 10:53 pm

Corny wrote:
This may sound bad or wrong. But when I see girls that are like around my age and think they're attractive looking. I just look at them. I watch their butts move. And look at their boobs. You know what most guys naturally do when they see a girl they find attractive. But I'm wondering if it's wrong that I do this since I already have a girlfriend? I know better than to tell her that. Oh my god! She would be ticked and smack me. But is it wrong that I do that when I see girls attractive? And then I imagine me being with them. But then I try to stop myself from doing that. Since I already have a girl. Do you guys do that?


It's normal to be attracted to other people. The integrity of your character is not based on your desires and emotions, but on your actions. So it's fine to find other girls attractive, but don't ogle...that's creepy.



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08 Apr 2017, 5:09 am

It's very normal, I'm a woman and I do it quite often (regardless of relationship status). These things just pop into my head, I may concentrate on person's legs or butt or something else, sometimes imagine them naked, then the thoughts go away and that's it. I don't flirt with anyone (wouldn't know how anyway haha) or pursue them in any way or stalk them afterwards :D



Sweetleaf
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08 Apr 2017, 7:54 pm

RandomFox wrote:
It's very normal, I'm a woman and I do it quite often (regardless of relationship status). These things just pop into my head, I may concentrate on person's legs or butt or something else, sometimes imagine them naked, then the thoughts go away and that's it. I don't flirt with anyone (wouldn't know how anyway haha) or pursue them in any way or stalk them afterwards :D


I have come to notice beards more, my boyfriend has a beard and it adds to his attractiveness to me...but yeah sometimes I see guys with nice beards and maybe take a little double take, because its aesthetically pleasing to look at and that's all it is. Not like I'm going to just run off with another guy with a beard just because I looked at him and thought he looked good.

Or for instance I find one of actors in game of thrones who plays one of the wildlings attractive because he looks a bit like my boyfriend. I certainly wouldn't be mad at my boyfriend if he thought an actress in a movie/show was attractive because she looks similar to me or reminds him of me.


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kraftiekortie
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08 Apr 2017, 9:23 pm

All this stuff is normal--even healthy and natural.

Like Chronos says: as long as you don't act upon those fantasies, you're okay.



Corny
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10 Apr 2017, 12:51 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
All this stuff is normal--even healthy and natural.

Like Chronos says: as long as you don't act upon those fantasies, you're okay.

I know better than too actually do it in real life. But couldn't anyways. Since I'll be way too nervous and scared.



rdos
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10 Apr 2017, 1:48 pm

Perfectly natural. I'd even say flirting is ok, as long as it stays with that.



Sweetleaf
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10 Apr 2017, 2:20 pm

rdos wrote:
Perfectly natural. I'd even say flirting is ok, as long as it stays with that.


I think I'd prefer my boyfriend not flirt with them, then I'd just feel intimidated and like I don't matter I mean I would know that isn't true but it would be hard not to feel that...and I don't think he'd really like me flirting with other guys, though I've never really known how to 'flirt' anyways.


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