Do Aspies need to date someone exceptionally understanding?

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I'm 25 and have had a grand total of 1 girlfriend in my life, when I was 15. It lasted two months and I saw it as a fluke, going through high school and college viewing all girls everywhere as out of my league. It didn't help that I went to an alternative high school where everyone else was a drug user which is an instant relationship killer for me, and I made no friends at college. I finally decided to try online dating a year ago, but have only been able to go on it for a few weeks every few months before the lack of results becomes too emotionally draining for me to tolerate anymore. I messaged 164 girls, heard back from 14, and went on a single date with 1. I suspect a combination of my so-so looks and social ineptitude is why I'm having so little success. So that brings me to my question...

Do Aspies require a sort of 1-in-a-million ultra-tolerant and understanding partner to date if another Aspie? I feel like I just can't compete with normal people. I'm going to work on self-improvement for a few months, but I have my doubts it'll be much better when I try again.

I don't think an Aspie needs a "one-in-a-million" type.

But an Aspie does need somebody who is understanding. It always helps, of course, if the partner is knowledgeable about Aspergers/autism, and has a belief in the strengths, as well as the weaknesses, of people on the Spectrum.

I am a person who is definitely on the Spectrum---but I've had a good amount of girlfriends. I've been fortunate that most of them don't mind it that I'm a quiet guy who likes to watch TV for hours. I was seen by these people as being quirky and eccentric.

I was told by one girl that I had "something missing"--but, by and large, the ladies I've been with have been quite understanding. I have a wife who doesn't believe in Aspergers--but I believe she is making the attempt, these days, to understand me, and to compensate for me (this could change tomorrow, though; she is pretty moody).

The trouble with my wife is that she doesn't believe in "space" for people. She believes in being social. I'm not social, so I upset her sometimes. Basically, she is not really happy with me; she would be more content with a more social, more mechanically-inclined guy.

Eventually, I am going to leave her. I don't think she'd be sad if I did leave (maybe for a few days). Because she's frequently irritated by me.

Anyway......I don't think being an Aspie precludes one from marriage and of happiness with a partner. There are plenty of married people with kids here.

I'd say yes, but it only comes from my own experience.

Pretty much all men I dated couldn't understand why I behaved like I did (even after my explanations) and wanted me to change. For them. "You only really need to WANT to change". Like it was that easy
If the change didn't materialize, they tried to play all sorts of games to make me feel desperate enough to finally change. Guess what, I still couldn't change and I was starting to care less and less.

In the end often it was me who was too exhausted to carry on and said "we're too different" and left. I can't really blame them - I'm not as affectionate as average NT woman, I need plenty of alone time and I hate the feeling of being controlled in any way or coerced or pressurized. I rarely share emotions and initiate conversations. I like my life ordered as it is and I'm not very adventurous.
I'm just not what an average guy expects a woman to be and I can't compete with normal women.

I think an open-minded person who feels comfortable with an unconventional approach to life might be better than an exceptionally understanding one.
There are limits to how much one partner can healthily sustain this type of understanding for the other on a long-term basis, I think it might lead to an imbalance. One person is taking more and the other is giving more, it seems like the relationship would be reliant on the understanding persons ability to keep giving, rather than an equal relationship based on shared unconventional values.

I am an NT . . . .. I think it is very difficult. Maybe I am feeling jaded just now. I understand that aspies need a lot of time to themselves, they don't like small talk and discussing emotions and feeling, they find it difficult to always understand why a friend or partner is upset. However I consider myself very understanding and caring but I do find it very difficult. I often feel that I am not very important to my Aspie friend, and that many other things take a priority over me. As time goes on it also feels the things he used to do for me become less and less. Maybe he has had enough or is bored? The problem comes with the communication to work out these things.

I think you would need a partner who is very independent and only wants a part time relationship and also someone with very high self confidence and self esteem so they don't become insecure by not receiving the "normal" reassurances they may expect within a relationship.

I'm struggling at the moment with my friendship, but I do still adore my Aspie friend and accept responsibility for my insecurities but it's also an awareness that feeling insignificant and unimportant to someone can make you feel very low. So I think it makes 2 special people to make it work

Hi! I'm an NT dating an Aspie man for a year now.

My man has had plenty of girlfriends before me but I'm pretty sure that I'm the most understanding among them. I agree, other than very understanding, you need someone who's very confident and secure with themselves. Someone who doesn't need constant reassurance. This is something that I'm still working on... independence, security, and confidence. I think it's good for me because ever since I can remember, I am the type of person who would seek external validation. My self esteem is on the low side but training myself to seek internal validation would be great for me.

I think you need acceptance of one another. Not a desire to change one another. My man is very logical and I am very emotional. There would be days when this would clash against each other but we're learning to accept how we both are.

Or just someone who accepts you, they don't have to understand every little thing to do that. Like there are things my boyfriend my never 'get' about me, but he still accepts me for who I am.

I think having someone who's understanding can help in the begging of a relationship but I think what's important in a long-term relationship is that both people are willing to put forth the effort to make the relationship work. I'm an Aspie who LOVES being close & affectionate with my partner & I like being supportive within a relationship. My girlfriend is also on the spectrum but neither me nor Cass have a lot of confidence & we both need a lot of reassurance sometimes maybe she needs it more than me because of her depression & anxiety. I do my very best to try & help her with her issues which can come off to some as me trying to change her. It's not that I don't accept her the way she is or anything cuz I'd still love her & want to be with her if she never improves. it's really that those things are causing her distress & I'm trying to help alleviate it because I care about her. There are some times I don't understand her & times she doesn't understand me but we're both committed to trying to make our relationship work & that's what's important to me.