So.. I went to a concert yesterday. It was a rare opportunity to see one of my heroes, probably the person who inspired me the most to pick up the guitar when I was a child. The concert was great, and the music was beautiful, but in the middle of it I started feeling incredibly sad. I used to hear these songs together with my ex all the time, and they reminded me of her. There were couples all around me kissing and holding hands, and I started to feel very lonely standing there in the crowd of 10.000 people. I ended up going home before the concert was over, even though I was initially very excited to see this gig. I haven't seen my ex in quite a while, I do know however, that's she's in a new relationship. Those songs brought back alot of memories, and made me miss her..
Last weekend, I was out at a nice resturant with my sister. As I pull out my chair from our table, I spot my other ex sitting at a table pretty close to us. It felt like a shockwave was going through my body that very moment. Even though the food was amazing, it was impossible for me to enjoy it, as I couldn't get out of my head with her sitting there. I wanted to say hi, but I felt completely paralyzed. She left before we were done, and when she did, I started missing her too, and started wondering what she's doing these days...
And now I just can't stop thinking about both of them.. They are both amazing girls, beautiful both on the inside and outside, and I hate myself for just letting those relationships fall apart. I feel like they're both on to better things, while I'm still stuck thinking about them, and I worry if I will ever get the opportunity of being with such an amazing person again...
I know, pretty pathetic, but maybe someone can relate? I am angry at myself for the way I handled things, I wonder if I had known about aspergers back then, if the outcome would have been different.
06 May 2017, 3:24 pm
