why guys like to talk about music on online dating?

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ltcvnzl
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16 Apr 2017, 9:31 pm

or it's just a coincidence that happens with me? but most of guys I had talked on tinder/okc wants to talk about music, like bands or genres I enjoy and I hate this because I'm not much fan of music??? This makes difficult to talk because then I'm just not interested and also I can't even look interesting because I don't know about this stuff. Maybe it's the kind of guys I like or maybe I look like someone who likes music or it's just a regular thing??



cberg
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16 Apr 2017, 10:12 pm

:shrug: I know a lot of the people I know from my own life through music & arts, if I were writing my profile, audiophile would be near the top. I think music can be more direct than many spoken languages so it's probably convinient for those guys.

It's just a real & preferably constant state of being for some people though. I don't like leaving music off all day.


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16 Apr 2017, 10:16 pm

Well, I can think of a few reasons:

I. Music is one of those special interests that's socially acceptable and quite wide spread, so it's like an aspie talking about trains or My Little Pony or ancient Egypt or whatever their current thing is, but with a higher chance that the person they're talking to will share the interest or, if they don't, will pretend to.

II. If the person they're talking to shares the interest, it gives them something to talk about and over which they can bond. Obviously this doesn't apply to you.

III. If there is a shared interest, then they can bond by introducing you to music they're familiar with but you aren't, creating further opportunities for bonding by talking about the music once you've listened to it. This also allows the guy to "give" the girl something (even if it's only knowledge of a new band or the like) which is important to many guys when they become romantically interested in someone. It's a way of demonstrating their interest in you.

IV. If there is a shared interest in a particular band or artist, it opens up possibilities for going out together to concerts or shows. If a girl is into Justin Bieber for example, getting tickets to one of Bieber's concerts is something that's pretty much guaranteed to go over well.

Most of the above also applies to other interests than just music, but as I said, music is a socially approved and relatively wide-spread special interest.

I don't have any particular interest in music and I've had a couple of girls who've decided they needed to "educate" me and introduce me to all the music they like. I didn't mind the music and enjoyed spending time with them, so it was all good. And music serves as a memory trigger — at least for me — so when I hear a particular song, I remember the first time I heard it with one of these girls and that was generally pretty good and can lift my spirits. Of course, the fact that the relationships didn't last is a bit of downer, but not enough to overwhelm the pleasant memory.



Closet Genious
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17 Apr 2017, 12:15 am

Maybe because music is something the majority of the population enjoys talking about. Why don't you just bring up other subjects that interests you?



ltcvnzl
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17 Apr 2017, 12:36 am

Closet Genious wrote:
Maybe because music is something the majority of the population enjoys talking about. Why don't you just bring up other subjects that interests you?


I try but I think often they just already think I'm stupid because I can't say what genre I like because I have much difficult classifying stuff



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17 Apr 2017, 3:14 am

ltcvnzl wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Maybe because music is something the majority of the population enjoys talking about. Why don't you just bring up other subjects that interests you?


I try but I think often they just already think I'm stupid because I can't say what genre I like because I have much difficult classifying stuff

You gives two craps music just isn't your thing. Maybe just listen and then see if you can switch the topic to something you have in common with the other person.



ElabR8Aspie
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17 Apr 2017, 4:27 am

ltcvnzl wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Maybe because music is something the majority of the population enjoys talking about. Why don't you just bring up other subjects that interests you?


I try but I think often they just already think I'm stupid because I can't say what genre I like because I have much difficult classifying stuff


Stupid?Thinking is your own perception and you've concluded by your own assumption.

How is that constructive?

And why do you have,much difficult classifying stuff?


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izzeme
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17 Apr 2017, 4:45 am

Music taste is considered a measure of compatibility; i myself would not be happy with someone that only listens to hardstyle and its ilk.

Starting out talking about music is usually only a good idea when someones profile implies that the person is either a musician or an audiophile, else it will be a strange opener.



hurtloam
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17 Apr 2017, 4:53 am

I think that music can reveal a lot about a person. If a guy only like mainstream pop I would not be compatible with him. To me that's like only eating fast food. I want someone who is interested in interesting things.

You could just admit that you're not really one for music and say I prefer doing x in my spare time, what do you like to do?

You also don't have to answer specifically. If he says: "what type of music do you like", you could mention a song you enjoy. It doesn't matter if it's pop, rock or hiphop, what you're doing is keeping the conversation going. I don't think that the other person is really that anal that they need to know the exact genre. I can't give a specific genre I like because I like a little of everything, so a specific answer to that question would be difficult for me too.

Although, don't say Chamber Pop. I think I put someone off me recently by responding with that answer lol.



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17 Apr 2017, 5:14 am

I'm going to concur with the two posters above me: music tastes go a long way in determining whether two people would be compatible or not, as well as what kind of person they are in general. My own music taste is quite varied - I can listen to almost literally anything, be it EDM, progressive rock, folk music or classical. And if my potential partner can introduce me to a new artist/band/genre I end up liking, that's already a good sign.


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ElabR8Aspie
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17 Apr 2017, 5:41 am

^Music though is just one piece of the puzzle.

You present barriers,singular ones,where your not open to other possibilities.

Why narrow the search,when it's hard enough.


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hurtloam
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17 Apr 2017, 6:39 am

ElabR8Aspie wrote:
^Music though is just one piece of the puzzle.

You present barriers,singular ones,where your not open to other possibilities.

Why narrow the search,when it's hard enough.


Why ask anyone anything then? Each subject that you talk about is just one piece of the puzzle.

I don't think we are in reality as black and white about it as we're saying. We're just giving examples of possible interactions and why we'd ask about music. I'm not going to just write off a pop music fan if he is interesting in other ways.



Sabreclaw
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17 Apr 2017, 7:14 am

I don't have any interest in talking about music with people. Then again, I don't do online dating so I'm not doing a very good job of countering your point. :P



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17 Apr 2017, 3:39 pm

Probably because they're interested in it or they think you are, and thus it would be a good starting point. I mean I really like music and talk about it quite a lot, and that was the case even when I was using okcupid. Pretty sure I mentioned being a metalhead and that I also like other kinds of music to and listed quite a lot of bands I like to give an idea.


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CyborgSpaceKitten
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20 Apr 2017, 6:03 pm

People often use art as a platform for getting to know someone...like they feel as though they can get to know more about you by learning what kind of music or art you're into. That's why guys (and girls) ask about music when trying to get to know someone. If you don't really like music, maybe change the subject and tell them what kind of movies, tv shows , or books you like. That way, it gives them the sort of window into your personality they were looking for, but it directs the conversation to something you're actually interested in.



ZachGoodwin
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20 Apr 2017, 6:38 pm

CyborgSpaceKitten got it right.