Honesty and why is it so flexible to a NT spouse?

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First post here, sorry if I am breaking rules or wotnot, please forgive.

please to meet everyone here, hop this attempt at reaching out to a support network pays off, and also perhaps maybe i can help others if i can... but first....selfishly, I know, I am here for help.

I am an adult diagnosed aspie with off the charts adhd(seriously, i can scan my paper the psych gave me..... so very much in the red.) also have social anxiety, general depression (all these diagnosed by multiple psychiatrists and docs) and my mum has bipolar, so one doctor and one psychologist thinks i have that.(personally not sure myself, unless its extremely fast cycling and favouring depression than mania)
I have done a lot of research and my fear, that I have never broached to a medical professional, is that i may have borderline personality disorder. Reading the wiki is a glimpse into my brain like reading the ADHD wiki and ASD wiki.

Now to the problem.

I have an overwhelming compulsion to be honest in all things. I will not lie to someone unless there is some sort of EXTREMELY extenuating circumstances. These circumstances cant benefit myself either. I just cant do it.

Now, objectively I know NTs will white lie and lie by omission often enough to benefit themselves, and will even outright lie on occasion. This is supposedly human nature and I realize that.

However, my wife of seven years marriage and 14 years relationship has recently decided that my opinions on honesty are worthless and has seemed to commence a campaign of lies and dishonesty trying to convince me that lying is ok, and that I as an aspie, am overreacting and crazy.

She has been repeatedly caught out in these lies, with the worst being an emotional affair with another man and for which I had forgiven her, and admits she is dishonest however she does not see fault in her actions, only in my reactions to them.

She refuses to ever admit fault in anything, chooses to ignore facts and instead rely on emotional warfare to which i have never responded well to.

I dont know what to do! I have three children with her and I dont want to lose her or them, but she is treading on me with hobnail boots!

Should I just be thankful I'm in a relationship at all? Should I leave? Should I hug a truck on the highway?

thank you for your time, and i hope to hear from you.

Mordy

is there no help anyone can offer at all? please, i mean no disrespect.
i am just seeking advice or perhaps seeking others who have been in similiar situations. I know i should be thankful that i have a partner at all, and I am! I'm just wondering if the fault is mine or if a neutotypical relationship would have the same issues...

slowly going crazy(er)

mordy.