Men give no clues

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I've noticed men commenting that women only seem to give really subtle clues that men miss.

From a woman's perspective men seem to do the same. Why is it always me who has to make the first move. I always feel like I'm jumping blindly into the dark.

I'm always told to make it more obvious. But why can't the guy make it more obvious

I always find out that he was just being friendly and the attention didn't mean anything.

Romantic relationships are complicated, but my advice is don't degrade yourself or look down on yourself, or call yourself names, or even lie to yourself, or even make up false truths about yourself, because of how bad romance is. Don't even change yourself because of how bad romance is. The girls will just put their hand on their face and think how foolish you look while doing all of that changing, and she will move on to another guy.

You need to be yourself 100%. Having a romantic relationship is not a calculated formula, but rather a natural occurrence between two people who really like each other. There is no calculation, and calculated romance is fictional.

The best romantic relationships happen when the couple are interested in each other, don't want to let go, forgiving, wanting to communicate, accepting, trusts each other, has each other's back, and most of all a bonded friendship first. Romantic relationships are not suddenly out of the blue, but rather instead built up over time. A rushed romantic relationship yields no results, and ends up in a catastrophe. Most divorces are because of a rushed relationship.

Zachgoodwin I'm a woman who is interested in men. What are you n about?

Hmm, yep he made quite an odd pronoun mistake there. Regardless I think his advice still applies and is quite sound. I especially identify with the second parargraph, I've always found the motion of a mechanical, calculated relationship to be quite fickle.

As a response to the original post, I can definitely sympathize with your frustration. Even though I have little experience with the whole thing, I've always found the so called hidden rules of relationships and the convoluted, subtle and flighty nature of modern dating to be harmful and sometimes just infuriating. I firmly believe that if you care for someone, then you should simply tell them and get it over with. As for advice, the only course of action I can really think of is too keep searching, although I suppose that isn't particularly helpful. Have you ever tried dating fellow aspies perhaps? That common ground might allow someone to better understand you and be more acceptive of your quirks.

Neurodiverse flirting with quick glances may be subtle, but both parties typically know there is mutual interest. The NT game though seems to be a total mystery, but then maybe that's just me?

I don't want to do anything to creep people out, so I keep my interest to myself.

Not me. If a girl kept giving me quick glances I'd assume something about me was making her uncomfortable.

Then why does no one just tell me that the like me. I'm always the one to do it.
Yes I tend to go for aspie type men.

Hmm, what can often happen in a relationship I'd imagine, is that the man is either afraid of commitment, due to how much our society praises casual sex relationships and one night stands, or he is afraid of rejection since his partner might not feel the same way towards him. I suppose that you would be able to tell which one of these is true in your situation based on how his face looks after you tell him, either scared/anxious or relieved.

Ignotum that's still a bit too ambiguous for me. Last time I tried to ask someone out he looked scared/anxious. But he didn't exactly say no.

Then we kind of had this meandering back and forth over the months and it pettered out. As ever.

If he liked you back, it would be obvious and you wouldn't second-guess.


I wish you will experience this soon at least once, so you understand what I mean, it's hard to explain - but take my word for it.

Second-guessing = the other isn't into you.

I don't think I will. I'm just not the kind of girl that guys want. I only see little signs that are nothing really. It never goes anywhere.

I think that someone likes me now because of how he acts around me, but it won't come to anything. It never does.

Hmm, sorry but I'm afraid I can't think of much advice besides that and simply searching for others like yourself. I do think however that you shouldn't give up on dating entirely, you simply have to wait until the right (or, at the least, more right) person comes along. Unfortunately, it can be quite distressing when a relationship doesn't go the way you wanted, as I'm sure you've noticed.

The thing is though there have been men who have seemed to very obviously like me, but never ask me out. It makes me think that I'm the one doing something wrong.

Like they'll get flustered when I talk to them or make a big thing of saying hello to me (I mean they say it over enthusiastically) or will be over enthusiastic about doing a little thing for me like handing me a thing I asked them to pass over to me like I asked for something more significant than a mug or a stapler.

I am worried of offending women, and worried of looking immature around them, so that may be why women see me acting a bit strange and awkward around them. I really do not understand indirect signals too, and how to balance them. I tend to not be a funny guy, because usually my sense of humor is dry, and along with that I give off this mean teacher look with my glasses, so that is not fun. I tend to also be worried of sounding sarcastic when I try to tell a joke, so that may also be why I don't tell jokes. Especially when I tell someone I'm joking or kidding, and they still don't get the memo.

I don't know, but don't look at it as passive-aggressive, even though it feels out of place. Also, I'll kindly delete my post if it offends you and if you didn't ask me. I am only trying to give advice like you wanted okay. I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings or upset them. My tone in this post is concern and worry, and not fear and anger.

Last edited by ZachGoodwin on 20 Apr 2017, 4:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think Aspie-women are great, particularly if they are Russian or Eastern-European, but I have also noticed that Aspie-women tend to be incredibly naïve, automatically believing the «surface» reasons. You need to understand, even if you are interested in Aspie men, many Aspie men CAN and probably DO have great difficulty in being able to honestly express their feelings, especially when they have less experience with relationships.

See, I used to go about and had met with this one Russian girl before, who exhibited nearly every possible trait that is common amongst high-functioning Aspie females, but I was not necessarily prepared to declare in front of everyone who asked us about our time together that we were dating or boyfriend or girlfriend or in any kind of relationship together or anything, and instead felt more «comfortable» to answer in public that we were «friends» (but I also know for a fact that our association could have easily been that of an official relationship if I had just acted and responded that she was my girlfriend if others were to ask and I also know the she would not have objected to me making such a declaration but, because I had such difficulty expressing that I had that kind of interest in her out in the public, amongst other factors, our association with one another eventually became inactive and I did not «get» to claim/keep a Russian babe with D-sized breasts as a girlfriend after all; although in all fairness I was also dealing with other economic-complications in my life at the time which made it necessary in many ways for me to keep to myself).

Now, I know that lots of you women are extremely attracted to me for some reason, but in the early years of my life it made absolutely no sense to me why any of you ladies could possibly have an interest in some guy like myself, then as I gained more life-experiences over the following years in the so-called real-world, I eventually realised that I had actually «missed out» on a LOT of «great opportunities» to be with wonderful girls as a result of my reluctance.

I think things could have been a lot more different in my life if I did not have such abusive and unreasonable parents who had caused much psychological-scarring and extreme distrust and mistrust of them (and others) early in my life (although it has been proven positively that the absolute vast majority of psychiatrists really cannot be trusted), and it looks like I'm out of time, but if it makes you feel any better... <hugs hurtloam> =)

Thanks zachgoodwin I was just annoyed earlier that you assumed I was male.