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Tips on Breaking Up

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Corny
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24 Apr 2017, 1:06 pm

I'm about to break up with my girlfriend. And just wanting tips on what to say to her when breaking up.



seaweed
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24 Apr 2017, 2:31 pm

-do it in person
-avoid cliches ('it's not you, it's me', 'we are just not meant to be together', 'all good things must come to an end', etc.)
-allot a good amount of time (like, an hour at most) you can dedicate to talking it through with her, meaning, don't spring it on her 5 minutes before you have to be going somewhere.

just tell her the sincere truth and be sure to listen to her and respond to her responses. be clear but understanding of her side too.

good luck corny



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24 Apr 2017, 2:40 pm

Include one "reason" why you are doing this. Leaving someone without an explanation is cruel and the doubts last forever. The explanation doesn't need to be all that accurate (pick one that is valid but likely acceptable to her). Details and harsh descriptions won't help. Find the kindest way to describe your concern. Just say simply that "because of ___ , I need to move on." Warning: Don't agree to continue the discussion. Say it once, and leave it at that.

Digitally, ignore calls, texts and messages. They will eventually go away (which is actually a good sign).


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Corny
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24 Apr 2017, 2:48 pm

seaweed wrote:
-do it in person
-avoid cliches ('it's not you, it's me', 'we are just not meant to be together', 'all good things must come to an end', etc.)
-allot a good amount of time (like, an hour at most) you can dedicate to talking it through with her, meaning, don't spring it on her 5 minutes before you have to be going somewhere.

just tell her the sincere truth and be sure to listen to her and respond to her responses. be clear but understanding of her side too.

good luck corny

I wish I could do it in a hour. But I can only see and talk to her at school. Don't ever see her or talk to her out of school. All because of her parents.



Corny
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24 Apr 2017, 2:52 pm

AspieUtah wrote:
Include one "reason" why you are doing this. Leaving someone without an explanation is cruel and the doubts last forever. The explanation doesn't need to be all that accurate (pick one that is valid but likely acceptable to her). Details and harsh descriptions won't help. Find the kindest way to describe your concern. Just say simply that "because of ___ , I need to move on." Warning: Don't agree to continue the discussion. Say it once, and leave it at that.

Digitally, ignore calls, texts and messages. They will eventually go away (which is actually a good sign).

Can't talk to her digitally because she or I doesn't have a phone and her parents have had her grounded from electronics since January. And the reason why I'm breaking with her is because of her parents. And how strict they are with her. She's 2 grades below me. And when I graduate and go to college. I'll probably never see her again. Even when I'm back home occasionally. Her parents don't let her leave the house for anything. So I'm just going to move on in my life and maybe find another girl while in college down there. Who knows.



seaweed
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24 Apr 2017, 2:53 pm

Corny wrote:
I wish I could do it in a hour. But I can only see and talk to her at school. Don't ever see her or talk to her out of school. All because of her parents.


ohhh. then the special circumstances override. i just say at most an hour to be sure you don't come off like you're pushing her aside flippantly, but you can absolutely manage that in lesser time.



Corny
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24 Apr 2017, 2:58 pm

seaweed wrote:
Corny wrote:
I wish I could do it in a hour. But I can only see and talk to her at school. Don't ever see her or talk to her out of school. All because of her parents.


ohhh. then the special circumstances override. i just say at most an hour to be sure you don't come off like you're pushing her aside flippantly, but you can absolutely manage that in lesser time.

What do you mean by pushing her aside flippantly?



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24 Apr 2017, 3:19 pm

AspieUtah wrote:
Include one "reason" why you are doing this. Leaving someone without an explanation is cruel and the doubts last forever. The explanation doesn't need to be all that accurate (pick one that is valid but likely acceptable to her). Details and harsh descriptions won't help. Find the kindest way to describe your concern. Just say simply that "because of ___ , I need to move on." Warning: Don't agree to continue the discussion. Say it once, and leave it at that.

Digitally, ignore calls, texts and messages. They will eventually go away (which is actually a good sign).


So basically tell them your part than abruptly refuse to listen to anything they have to say about it, walk away and completely ghost them?

How is that better than just leaving without giving a reason?


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seaweed
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24 Apr 2017, 3:26 pm

Corny wrote:
What do you mean by pushing her aside flippantly?


i mean like, she could feel like you don't care about her if you just quickly say it's over and leave her to stew in her thoughts. as long as you make sure she understands her feelings are important to you even though the relationship is over, you'll be fine.



Corny
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24 Apr 2017, 3:41 pm

seaweed wrote:
Corny wrote:
What do you mean by pushing her aside flippantly?


i mean like, she could feel like you don't care about her if you just quickly say it's over and leave her to stew in her thoughts. as long as you make sure she understands her feelings are important to you even though the relationship is over, you'll be fine.

Yes this is exactly what I was going to do.



886
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24 Apr 2017, 6:06 pm

Quote:
I wish I could do it in a hour. But I can only see and talk to her at school. Don't ever see her or talk to her out of school. All because of her parents.


honestly.. no disrespect intended at all, but how is that a relationship? :?

you could literally break up with her over that sentence alone.


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Corny
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24 Apr 2017, 6:28 pm

886 wrote:
Quote:
I wish I could do it in a hour. But I can only see and talk to her at school. Don't ever see her or talk to her out of school. All because of her parents.


honestly.. no disrespect intended at all, but how is that a relationship? :?

you could literally break up with her over that sentence alone.

I can? I'll probably just do that then.



Chronos
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24 Apr 2017, 6:39 pm

Corny wrote:
I'm about to break up with my girlfriend. And just wanting tips on what to say to her when breaking up.


Given your situation, I think I would say "Hey, I really like you a lot but I don't think this relationship is working out because it's so difficult for us to see each other, and I think we should break up for now."



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24 Apr 2017, 6:42 pm

I wouldn't bring her parents into the conversation. If you like or love her, say so. Point out that you can't see each other outside school as-is, you're moving on, and your lives are headed different directions. You have no future together, and for that you are very sorry. You're sorry it has to be this way, but better to split now than to drag this out over the rest of the school year.

There you go. Won't take more than 5 min.



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24 Apr 2017, 6:44 pm

Tell her you're going off to college and you don't really see things working out due to the distance, and that you don't see how you and her would stay in contact. Also though don't feel too bad, a lot of highschool/teen relationships don't end up lasting long term anyways so its not like you've failed or anything like that.


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Corny
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24 Apr 2017, 6:51 pm

Thanks everyone for all the tips for breaking up. I'll definitely use these tips tomorrow during lunch. But its going to be hard for me to do it wit just me and her because her best friend is also with us and is always hyper. But I'll try to get her to go somewhere for a few minutes. Maybe go with our main group of friends we call the weird group.