Was I too subtle or is he not interested in me romantically?

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Hey All,

I am Neurotypical (as far as I am aware), but I have a dating question which I hope is okay to post here because I really value the input of those on the Autism/Asperger's spectrum for this one; I'm not sure how to read someone's response to my behavior/if my behavior was overt enough to convey my intentions in a given situation:

About two years ago, I had a pretty big crush on one of my co-workers. We talked a fair bit a work/at work events and generally got a long really well and it definitely felt like he was sort of flirty with me sometimes, but at other times not so much. Granted, I had a crush on him so everything probably felt more magical than it would have otherwise, but there were certainly times when I felt chemistry between us/like he wanted to be around me a fair amount. That said, he never made any sort of move on me romantically at all and I never really did anything about my crush aside from casually inviting him to two parties that (a small number of other coworkers were invited as well, but the party was mostly other friends of mine); he gave me a "maybe" response on both, but never actually came to either party. Over time, the crush sort of fizzled for me since it didn't go anywhere and I was casually dating other people on and off. I quit said job a year or so ago and hadn't really thought him at all until I ran into him at the store yesterday.

I actually didn't even see him at all -- he came up to me, said it was really good to see me, and we talked for a little bit about work, how the company's changed, etc. and I tried to ask him out, but I fumbled a little bit:

I said something like "I still hang out with a lot of people from [job], so maybe we can grab a drink sometime." And he responded by lighting up and immediately telling me that as of that day, the alcohol/happy hour policy at the company had dramatically shifted. Was that a super smooth "I don't wanna meet up with you?" or did I not make my intentions clear enough?

We talked for a little longer, and as we were parting, I said "Well, it was good seeing you -- I go to [local bar] sometimes, so maybe I'll see you." and he mentioned that he goes there every week on a specific day.

Obviously I am not gonna crash the dude's happy hour, but it did make me think that maybe I should just bite the bullet and send him an email (he's not on Facebook as far as I'm aware and I don't have a phone number for him) and just point blank ask him if he'd like to get dinner/drinks? If I was too subtle in what I was asking, I'll do it, but if it seems like he's not interested in me, I'm obviously not going to beat a dead horse and make things weird for him or myself look desperate.

Any advice is welcome!

I personally do not see any harm in sending him an email and asking if he wants to meet up sometime. What do you have to lose at this point? Now I'm not sure a bar or restaurant is the best approach though for meeting up with him (at least not at first) because of the expectations that come along with restaurants and bars. I think it would be better to try and meet him in a more casual setting, such as over a cup of coffee. A quieter more laid back setting allows the two of you to have more intellectual and personal conversations....and connect better. Of course this is all my opinion based on past experiences, so take it as you will.

He mentioned which bar he drinks in and gave a specific day.

Drop in for a drink or two on that day, chat with him more, suggest grabbing some food together at the weekend.
Make sure he gets your number, leave shortly after, don't stay drinking.

I think he is interested, if I'd said what he said in relation to what you said, I'd be interested I think.

I think you should try at least, the universe threw you into each other at a store and you didn't have anything embarrassing in your purchases that day, clearly it's a sign, perhaps from Thor himself.

Don't email him and scare him.

Thank you both for the responses!

I am glad to hear that it doesn't seem like I was weird/made things awkward. That said, I honestly think I might be too nervous/anxious to go the happy hour in person and it still does feel a little invasive to me. If I do anything, it'll be send an email -- I really don't have anything to lose (except a little bit of ego) by doing so. Just gotta get over my nerves and move on. =)

Don't do the email.

Go to happy hour, a couple of drinks and enjoy his company. It's equal ground, somewhere you both know, you are with him so you can tell his mood, observe how he reacts to you being there.

Email does not allow these things.

Grow some balls, meet him, talk with him, make sure he knows you are interested, the worst is that he isn't interested, but at least then you know either way.

(I don't believe in Yoga or Kings or Elvis)

Your mileage may vary.

Ooof. You are certainly not wrong -- there's a lot to be said for in-person communication, for sure. I will definitely take that into consideration and think a lot harder about pushing myself out of my comfort zone for that one, heh.

He came up to you.
He lit up when you suggested going for drinks.
He told you when he'd be there.

It wouldn't be invasive for you to go at all. On the contrary, that behaviour of his is an invitation.

I wouldn't email or message him first, you clearly have some kind of rapport and connection.

You felt chemistry and a bit of magic.
I really think he did too.

I can see why the happy hour is daunting, but all (I know...) you have to do is walk through the door. Psych yourself up. Once you're in there and you see him, you'll be on familiar ground.

Good luck.

I'd just ask if you're not sure. Nothing wrong with being upfront with someone, sometimes people need things spelled out or just absolute assured that everything will be okay. Giving you time and date he goes to the bar I think is a good sign tho, def agree it wouldn't be weird to show up then since you'd be going to see him anyways.