How bad does my final text message sound? She didn't reply?

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So on a dating site called OkCupid, this girl and I liked eachother's profiles. She said I was fine and handsome, and we exchanged numbers.

Yesterday we were texting for hours, we swapped locations, and she said she wants to meet up at her place. Also, this is a long distance thing and we're both saving up money for a car. So far so good... This might be my big break...

Anyway, here's the awful, rushed, cringey, final text message I sent to her that she didn't respond to that I'm worried about -- Keep in mind I have mild Asperger's:

HER: "What are you looking or hoping for from a woman or more specifically me?"

ME: "Well I think you're beautiful and I just want to experience a relationship with someone. I'm 21 and still, I've never had a girlfriend. I just want to know what it's like. I'm tired of asking for girl's numbers and not hearing back, or screwing up the date by not being socially entertaining enough.

I've only been on 2 dates. One when I was 15, and the other with a co-worker when I was 19. If we do meet up in the near future, I just wanna let you know that I'm not the best at socializing with strangers until I warm up to them. I know that's a problem for some girls.

But hopefully you could at least try to help break the ice. I'm just keeping it 100% real. Straight from the heart. Have you ever seen Sheldon on Big Bang Theory? Hopefully you understand where I'm coming from. Also, I just don't have the money to travel right now. Plus my parents are being unreasonable...

I hope you understand. I would still like to meet you one day."

How bad was that? Why didn't she respond? Did I ruin my chances with her, or am I overreacting? I'm freaking out... I can't even call her back until I have enough money to go and meet her. Suspense is killing me... What do you think of this situation?

Well...you do come off as honest in your text message which is good, so try texting her again to ask what she is looking or wants from someone like you. Ask her what she likes and what the two of you may have in common.

That's all the advice I have for you for now.

"try texting her again to ask what she is looking or wants from someone like you" I reversed the same question on her after I posted that, and she didn't respond. She tends to not respond sometimes, but then on random days out of nowhere tells me to text her... Girls are weird. I guess I'm just overreacting. Even if she never replies again, this has certainly has been a good learning experience for me, and I'll know how to handle the next girl. But like I said before, I think I'm just overreacting, and hopefully I'm right, the next time I call that goofy goober.

Have a good sense of patience. Perhaps this girl you're interested in is busy or has higher priorities.

Well, you basically said to her you don't actually like her and would be alright with anybody who agreed to date you and had a decent body. What do you expect?
And you admitted you don't have any money and are dependent on your parents, both economically and mentally.
And you didn't say anything good about yourself. All you did was saying how much of a failure you are.

How she reacts to it depends on her personality(she might be the caring type) and how the relationship was going so far. But if she is an average NT she might just ghost you.

Next time when you hear such question tell her she is just your type and say something good about her hobbies or at least the way she dresses. You might think saying a girl she is beautiful might be good enough but that's what all guys on dating websites say, she heard it too many times already and considers it a common pick up line and nothing more.
It isn't wrong to mention it would be your first relationship but do it by saying she is the first girl that made you this interested or something like that. She must feel special. Saying you want to try experiencing a relationship with "someone" is calling her an average Jane that happened to be in a good place at a good time.

Shoot... I never thought of it like that... I just wanted to keep it simple... Now I'll have to devise a really good message to make myself look good AND make her feel special. Damn... WHY must girls be so complicated.... For frick's sake... Uggghhhhhhh

If guys consider this being complicated, then girls and guys really think different when it comes to what they want from a relationship.
I think the worst thing you said is "I just want to experience a relationship with someone. I just want to know what it's like." You basically tell her that she as a person means nothing to you. Would you rather be with someone who likes you for who you are, or with someone who is with you because it was easy to get you and you happened to be the first random guy to want them but you're completely exchangeable to them? If she's looking for a serious relationship the later would be a problem for her.
You don't know her that well and haven't met her yet, so she can't realistically expect you to be totally in love with her, but she could hope for someone who likes her and likes her more than most of the other girls on dating sites. Women don't like to feel totally exchangeable, and I'd bet that most men don't like it either.
That you said she's beautiful isn't a problem, but maybe that it is the only positive thing you could say about her after she specifically ask you. There are lots of beautiful women. In combination with the other statement it just makes her look even more exchangeable.

Being honest about your flaws isn't necessarily a bad thing. A girl with realistic expectations will see it as a positive trait. Yet, if the things you admit make a relationship difficult or impossible, she might not want to continue it - not necessarily because she thinks negatively about you, but because she won't get a fulfilling relationship. Maybe she does not look for a long distance relationship, or not for one that will stay long distance for a long time. If you actually won't be able to meet her for a long time and you don't know each other that well yet, she'd just give up on a chance to get a relationship with someone she can actually meet in person.
If she's the right person for you, I don't think admitting that you don't have much experience is a bad thing. She'd notice it anyway.
If she is the right girl, that you don't have much money right now shouldn't be that a big problem in itself. Since the two of you are young, it is more the norm than an exception to not earn much money. However, that you won't be able to see her for a long time to come because of it might make it a problem.
Since you're young I don't see the thing with the parents as that a huge problem (except because it prevents you from meeting her in person) but it opens some unanswered questions. Of course, if it were the only issue, it'd be more reasonable of her to just ask why your parents have that much of a say in what you can and can't do, if that's a problem for her, than to assume anything.

Rather than anyone being complicated, you actually say things that tell a lot about how you feel about her - and how people you are in a relationship with feel about you kind of matters - as well as things that tell her that for a long time to come only a long distance relationship would be possible with you and that's just not everyone’s cup of tea.
Of course it'd be fairer of her to tell you if any of the things you said were a deal breaker, than to let you wonder what might have gone wrong or if she'll still respond later on. Or it could be that she just doesn't know what to say and will get back to you. One bad text message doesn't always ruin everything but when you don't know each other well it might.

Very briefly:

It's nobody's business what your level of experience is. Don't disclose that.

Dependence on parents...also does not bode well. Keep that one to yourself.

Needing to save up money for travel? Ok, if that's an issue, why bother getting into this game? Be able to go out with someone BEFORE you ask her out.

Slightly longer version, tips for a good first date if traveling a long distance:

In general, girls don't like shouldering the weight of the relationship. You put a lot on her. Take lack of experience, for example. This makes it seem like you want her to do all the work. You NEED experience, sure. So keep that first date light, simple, with the least amount of moving parts. If distance travel is an issue, then it's a one-shot deal. Assuming weather cooperates, meet her early afternoon and take her to the nearest zoo. It's a long walk, so you have plenty of time for conversation. That'll give you 2-3 hours. Have a late afternoon activity planned, like mini-golf, rollerskating, bowling, trampoline park, etc. It's getting close to sunset by this point, so time to finish off with dinner/drinks. Keep it casual, something good without a long wait time, or make reservations (BE EARLY no matter what if you make reservations). Hitting the dance club after is OPTIONAL if you both still have energy to burn, but that's a full day. Take her back to her place, she'll probably be up for a kiss (light peck on cheek or lips, don't linger too long). If you really have to cover some distance to get there, book a mid-priced hotel (something in the $100-$130 range). Optional: invite her to crash at hotel for the night, see what happens. If she's up for it, suggest she bring a change of clothes. That avoids the whole "walk of shame" thing. Girls hate that. If you just fall asleep watching a movie, nothing wrong with that. Anything else, let her initiate it. You'll figure out what to do! Wait for her to wake up, take her downstairs for breakfast, take her home, then head back home yourself.

For travel, lodging, entertainment, food, budget $300-$400 AFTER fuel. Hopefully you won't need to spend that much, but it never hurts to be prepared. Dating long distance means you have to cram, like the first 3 dates into one day. Keep it simple, simple, and you can't lose.

Summary:
-pick her up at her place
-go somewhere to "hang out," such as zoo, park, etc. as long as it's some place beautiful just after lunch.
-have a late afternoon activity, something more upbeat and "fun," less "romantic"
-casual dinner but NOT fast food. If making reservations, plan to be there 15 minutes esrly.
-date may end here.
-nightlife is strictly OPTIONAL
-if traveling, arrange a hotel room to stay overnight.
-if hotel room, inviting her over is OPTIONAL. SUGGEST she bring a change of clothes if staying overnight. Let her know there's no pressure or expectation that anything physical happen.
-NOT OPTIONAL: be polite and a gentleman at all times, even if she stays with you overnight.

Thanks for the wake up call, everybody. Now I'm gonna make things right. Btw, I should've mentioned we only live 30 minutes from eachother. I guess that technically isn't 'long distance'.

If you were looking to buy a car and one advert listed nothing but good things and one listed nothing but bad, which car would you go and see? Same thing with starting a relationship (or trying to start one), if you highlight the bad then you're just making things hard for yourself.

As for the text message I agree with the advice you've already been given in that you've basically told this girl that she might as well be a warm beef sandwich, just something you can slide your johnson into. I wouldn't try and get this girl back on side, if she wants to respond to you she will, but if she doesn't then further communication from you isn't going to help. Instead learn from the experience and the next time a woman asks you something like that (and she will, women love asking these kinds of things) you know what not to say, and you can take your time to think up something better instead.

If a girl wrote that to me I'd also be offended, so I don't think it is a girl thing.

First, I'd really hate it if a girl said I was beautiful. That's a red flag that means she only likes me because of my appearance.

Second, I'd block her immediately if she claimed she only wanted me for the experience. How horrible!

Third, the information about never having been in a relationship would seem excessive. At best, I'd ignore it, but I might also see it as a sign of being too demanding or hard to be with.

Forth, the information about not being entertaining is a sign of low confidence, and why would I want a girl with poor confidence?

Most importantly, I don't see why a guy would want to write any of this to a girl. It just seems like a poor way of trying to fit in. Because, surely, you don't want girl's based on their appearance, but because of their personality, you don't (really) think that quantity is more important than quality (at least I don't), and you don't want to make yourself seem inferior.

As for the question, I think I would answer it with: I don't look for specific things in a woman.

As for a first date, I prefer it to be completely nonverbal. That's a good tool to weed out the incompatible ones.

Now I see why my ex got so angry when I told him "The whole relationship is one big new experience to me." I didn't mean it the wrong way - I was just saying it is my first relationship so everything is new and I need to figure out how to deal with the new feelings and situations. But he yelled at me that he didn't know he was "just a toy" to me. Man, it hurt. I was basically telling him I fallen in love for the first time the best I could and he thought I am just playing with him. Talk about incompatibility.

Strange. That kind of formulation wouldn't offend me. Something being a new experience is totally different from "I just want you for the experience". I mean, it's totally ok to experience new things with a love-interest, but it is not ok to claim that you'll only do it for the experience (and, implicitly that you'll move on to somebody else afterward).

You are better off!

I ended up (more or less) dating 4 virgins at various times. Two of those were disasters, one was (long story short) just wanting to "get it over with" and nothing after that, and the last one was like my first--absolutely NO experience whatsoever, but NOT a disaster of a relationship. I've treasured at least some part of all my relationships, even the two hardly-worth-mentioning flings, and level of experience was never a thing for me.

Anyone who yells at you for that is not even worth knowing. Good riddance, he did you a favor so you don't have to waste your time.

The thing with experience is we all have to gain experience somehow, sometime. So of there's some stupid cultural stigma against anyone, man or woman, based on experience, then simply don't mention it.

Here's a tip more specific to women, and I PROMISE this works: if any man ever asks how many relationships you've been in, the answer is always "3." Doesn't matter if he's the first or you've had a long string of lovers. You've been in 3. Perhaps you're averse to telling lies, and I prefer to not advocate even white lies. But consider this: unless you have or have had some kind of *ahem* DISEASE, it's nobody's business. So if experience is a thing with someone, they don't deserve the truth, nor are they entitled to it. Any pressure in that direction might be a good sign you're with a jerk and better off elsewhere.

Too much info. Never mention your parents. Women want someone independent. And the wanting her for experience - makes it sound like an experiment.

I'm fine with gaining experience, but I'm not fine with somebody trying to hook up with me just to gain experience. Actually, the cultural stigma is not like you think. The cultural stigma is that people need to be in X relationships before they should get serious, and I'm sure many people that react to mentioning gaining experience do it based on just that. Because, according to this cultural "rule", if somebody has not had X relationships (or sex Y times), then if they follow the cultural stigma, they are not serious and are only using you to gain experience.

At least for me, experience never played any role. Finding a compatible neurodiverse girl is hard enough, and if you need to find X before settling down, you are just setting yourself up to be single forever. So, I always settled for anybody that was worthwhile, totally ignoring any rules about required experience.



That works because the cultural rules probably set X to 3, but it is just dishonest. I'd prefer to say "none", not mentioning anything about experience and then see how they react. If I was a girl, I would then be observant if they get all stirred up with having first-time sex, and dump them if they do.