So, how the Hell does one date these days?

Post Reply New Topic

I've been out of the more formal kind of "game" of dating (not PUA, for Gods sake!) for around a decade. I'm pretty certain quite a bit has changed in those ten years, and likely more than 4G is faster than 3G.

Make this extremely simple for me - how does one date these days, with exactly one immutable precondition: I will not use online dating. I'm so over Facebook, I hardly ever use it now. Besides, I prefer VT100 terminals, you don't get duckfaces off Instagram on those things!

I also hear fading/ ghosting is a common thing - Hell, I was doing that fifteen years ago when a NT chick bored me to death - and a whole heap of other jargon that I really don't give a flying hoot about.

Needless to say, I'm pretty certain its not exactly a case of invite hot chick you're interested in to coffee, have a yarn to her, and either agree to see one another again, or not, correct?

I think I'm just about to lose this battle before I fire a single shot, but... meh?

Ok, hit it. Make it super simple for the dumb Irishman. =P

You're relying too much on self-defeat humor. I can see that. No worries, humor's one of main problems I have too. Also, I am seeing the mistake of overly edgy humor. In life I wanted to have some of Dave Chappelle's style of humor, and as I got older I found out that style of humor was not really fitting with me. I saw Chappelle's style of humor with my friends, acquaintances, and some of family, so it must work with me, except that it didn't and I wasn't funny.

Yes, a rather finely acquired self-protection mechanism developed to stop the agony of The Tall Poppy Syndrome that my beloved (puke!) country is so wholesomely famous for.

But, I get it. I think its common with people who were built up with false compliments as a kid, only to have the person doing the complimenting turn around and tear you apart for same. I understand, these days, those people are flat out insane narcissists, and should be in a padded cell somewhere.

Just my luck, they still run my hometowns Catholic school.

Thing is, you've outlined a few "issues" - and? I had asked for advice and/ or clues. I'm well aware of my humour, in fact, a number of women who have been interested in me in the past have actually said my self-defeatist humour was quite insulting to myself, and it unnerved them. That was the exact response I wanted, I had no interest in them at that time, my life conditions weren't right for that kind of situation back then. My life has changed now, and I feel as though I don't wish to be totally alone any longer.

The other thing is, I'm more than likely NOT to speak so harshly about myself in "real time" these days anyway. I was more making a joke about me being a Luddite. Seen Happn? You'll get my idea then.

See how we go, nyet? You tell me theres something wrong with your TV, I can fix it, only went through two trades to learn how. I tell you theres something wrong with my understanding of a complex social "dance" and I get the symptoms I myself have detected read back to me, with no methodology on a solution... you get my point. What I'm saying is, I am a scholar of the "process" right now.

Where do I start? =)

Oh! Now it works. Someone might need to look under the MySQL database hood...

You must've edited your comment to provide more detail while I was typing my first reply. I went to attach a second reply, and the site locked up.

I'll be honest with you - I don't HAVE a sense of humour. What I DO have is an uncanny knack for timing, and a bit of skill with misquoting and other amusing sayings. Oh, and I call a spade a spade, no matter what. So claiming I have a "natural humour" is like claiming a polar bear has a favourite hard liquor.

Actually, everyone in Oz knows a polar bears favourite hard liquor is Bundy Rum. Sorry, I'm awful. You get the point.

Tell you what, I'm actually pretty decently skilled at detecting when a woman is actually interested in me these days. I studied all that when I left the ex-fiance. I wasn't always this way, young, naive, autistic me thinking any pretty girl smiling at me at a restaurant meant she was evidently "in love..." Yeah, right. Where I've read "Always assume attraction," I reckon I could attach more conditions and clauses to that posit than the Federal Pure Food Act of 1917. That being said, I can certainly now detect the 40 foot flashing neon sign type IOIs.

I still never assume attraction.

What may also be of interest is I am a decent conversationalist, and I actually had quite a few female friends I considered adopted family in my late high schooling years and twenties. I ain't a total ignoramus. My company was well valued by my female friends, and I actually enjoyed grabbing a coffee with them, or a couple of drinks and a dinner, and talking about ships, and shoes, and ceiling wax.

Yes - we both agreed I would be in "the Friend Zone." I had some kickarse friends, in any case.

So, my biggest sticking point has to be going from "Ok, I believe she is indicating shes attracted" to "I'm talking to this chick quite naturally, and its working great." Thats it! Everything else, I have nailed - literally! Hell, I'm not actually the buffoon I've made myself out to be at all, I use that as a sort of mask, behind a few others I wear.

And no, I'm not paying anyone at IntrovertedAlpha US$5,000 for one minor little lesson. Thanks, but no thanks.

I know I didn't describe it like that in the original post, but you've twigged that out of my noggin. And how it formed... bloke I met out at Mongogarie told me that "You know, if a woman was to get your heart, she'd be yours for life... you have EVERYTHING they want..."

Yeah, I've known that for a long time. Problem is - how do you get that idea to them, while making sure you don't have another carbon copy of your estranged narcissist biological mother who locked you inside a prison of slavery to her using the memories of your father against you? I got no test for that, which makes me EXTREMELY nervous, I've dealt with narcissists all my life, and I once slept in the same bed as one, intending fully on marrying her. You always find out FAR TOO LATE.

Anyway, I'm now not even sure this is actually the right place to ask. Most people are quite shocked when I tell them I'm an autistic savant. I've literally had to be a part of NT society for so long that it just became second nature to appear mostly NT. I usually withdraw when I have any form of extreme autistic response, I appreciate the quiet, so few people actually know what I really am. Then again, they had the perfect cure for my "condition" back when - vicious physical and emotional abuse, and yeah, a lot worse again. Extreme pain can be quite convincing. I won't go back there, those days are long, long over.

I think the best model for all this was is my first girlfriend, in '06, Stacey. NT as all get out, told me she seemed to be attracted to "types like me" (pre-definitive diagnosis, I got that in '15). She did some things I thought were downright odd back in those days, but these days, make perfect sense. Like putting me on the spot introducing me to one of her best male friends as her "boyfriend" even though she'd never said one word regarding it before that. I think I spat my coffee out all over the place, actually. ^.^ Thing was, she did the heavy lifting breaking the ice with me initially, that afternoon after I'd knocked off work and was waiting for the train home, and with the most dopiest pick up line I have ever heard, I gotta say. I reckon, thats exactly why it worked. Then again, I was too much of a try hard in those days, these days, I've mellowed out quite a bit. Most of the time these days, my most pressing concern is the temperature of the beer on tap at the local watering hole. And no, thats not actually a joke, nor self-defeating, I'm 100% serious. Pretty much everything else just simply makes a barest mark on the Hierarchy of Concerns.

Thing is, I don't want to subscribe to tacky PUA tactics. The women mostly come to me! I ain't chased a woman since high school, well over twenty years ago! Sheesh! I've been pretty lean, but not because of the women, I can assure you! At one stage, I was dealing out rejections like lollies on Trick or Treat Night. I know I do have to stop the "auto-reject" thing, but yeah.

Anyway... it is what it is. No try hard stuff. For everything else, theres gotta be American Express, right?