Dating advice please.

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OK, this may sound like a funny question coming from a 41 YO man. But for some reason, most of the time I have one date with someone and thats its. What are some good questions, things to talk about to show I'm interested?

I know I've said some bad things about women here. I'm sorry but very frustrated with that part of my life. I'm trying to change my views a bit.

Last edited by KenM on 03 May 2009, 10:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

Be positive on dates. Don't say anything negative or depressing.

I was flipping through Patti Novak's _Get Over Yourself!: How to Get Real, Get Serious, and Get Ready to Find True Love _ at the library, and it had a whole chapter on "Getting past the first date" including sections on conversation, and what NOT to talk about. You might wanna check it out.

Start with easy topics...like anything in the recent news, as long it is not too controversial. Ask how your date feels about some current issue in the
news.

Where do you intend to go on your date? For coffee at a local cafe, to a sports game, to a theatrical production...? Keep the conversation casual and
simple and just let it take its course naturally. Relax and just be yourself!

Best of luck to you!

get any of Leil Lowndes books, they are fantastic!

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw_0_ ... leil+lownd

I think you should just try to increase the number of women you meet, try to make friends with them, and then ask them out on a date. But what do I know.

Nice to hear something more positive Ken and that you are wanting to make changes.

Keep the conversation simple the first time. Try not to talk about yourself too much. Ask her questions about herself and listen to what she says then follow her lead. If she tells you something, ask her something else. If she asks you about yourself, then answer.

Topics to talk about.. books, movies, tv shows, animals, pets, places you've traveled, places you'd like to travel, foods.. almost anything. Keep the first date sort of short. Be polite and be a gentlemen.

As others said, try to be positive. Don't start talking about things you hate and don't talk about your past dates. Look at each one as a fresh start.

Actually Ken is a smart guy. and in the late 30s early 40s, lots of women are looking for a guy. Ken, go to meetup.com events where 40 year old women go. Talk to them about their stuff. Make a business card with your name and email and home phone number and just casually give it to them. Market your best qualities which is your brain.

KenM - I'm really glad to see you taking such a constructive approach here. *cheers*

It's hard to say w/o knowing something about the dates... are you talking most of the time, or are they? Are you asking questions? Finding out what they might like to do for a second date? One of my greatest challenges is not to dwell on a single subject... my fiance has to untrack me at times even now; when I was dating, I had to stick to my 3-5 questions on a topic rule or I could lose the conversation. Talk about the things that make you happy, not the events that have hurt you... sharing that can come later, give it time.


M.

Thanks. The few times I have had a women respond to me with an online personel ad, we usally talk for a bit, then we go out once or a few times, then when I call her again for another date pr just talk, she does not call back or anything. Its frustrating. I would think after you talk to someone and go out with them a few times, it would be common courtisy to just tell the other person you are not interested. So I'm trying to figure out what I keep doing wrong to get blown off and have them not interested anymore.

I do feel on the dates we both talk equially.

Still seeking information: do you ask questions? what sort of subject matter? what sort of activities are you doing on the dates? are you 'sharing too much' - something that I was told I did frequently when I was dating? what sort of timeframes are you looking at for first, second, and subsequent dates? There are so many "rules" that seem to dictate peoples reactions, it has taken breaking things down into component form in order to understand them a little better. Online dating can be a challenge, as the person is in an active-look mode most of the time; as a result, they are more prone to engage in what I would call sample dating (both men and women) trying to find an immediate connection instead of building one through spending time together. That said, I've met some exceptions there. Which service(s) are you using? Will understand if you choose not to share that, but curious what base you are drawing from. Again - very, very glad to see the change in approach, Ken!


M.

Well the people I meet was when i was using match.com and yahoo personels. But I started using OKcupid and plenty of fish because those are free.

Free does not come with a quality stamp, "free" as in "totally free dating sites" usually means that the scum of the earth hang around there, regardless of gender or background. At least that is my experience.

I wish i could give you any advice, but we seem to be experiencing the same "the second date and onwards"-problem.

Well I'm getting the same ammount of responses from the free sites then I was from the sites you pay for, pretty much none at all.

At least i'm consistent.

Heeeey, I resent that :p
I am on OKCupid and I've met a couple of people on there who are now close friends of mine.

I was about to say I have met several friends through OKcupid, and my current partner. I generally recommend it.