Maybe I am going to go :(

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Posted not so long ago about a troubled relationship.

Its so hard to leave someone you love.

I'm unhappy again. I've been evicted from my house and his emotional support has been poor. For example I asked him specifically to call me on a day and told him I wanted him to say hi and ask me how he was. (He didn't.)

The next time we spoke I brought this up and it spiraled into a discussion of;-

-how i feel ignored and irrelevant
-lack of communication on his part leaves me very annoyed
-he's really unreliable and wont commit to doing much with me at all
-i hardly see him because his job is so demanding and takes him out of town a lot

When we do see each other its usually pretty brief, there are no extended periods of 'quality time' together. He won't even refer to himself as my boyfriend.

He kept re-iterating that his job is demanding and takes a lot out of him, explained how this in conjunction with his AS makes his life difficult.

I love him to bits but this isn't working and I can't see it getting much better at the moment.

For the past few days I have been seriously considering ending the relationship.

Really sad.

Then do it. Clearly things aren't working out between the two of you. There's enough reason for you to call it quits.

If you got all that across verbatim this can turn out OK but I think if you went as far as dictating when to call & check in it's not a leap to also straight up ask for anything you miss. I know my work makes me really anxious around phones, things often feel socially one sided while I'm completely elsewhere emotionally.

I concur. This thing is over. Go ahead and end it.

Hey,

Interested to hear you out but confused by this part

Yeh I did try to tell him when I wanted him to call on a set day- because I'm super frustrated by our lack of routine.

We've arranged to meet on Thursday now.

Even more annoyed because weeks ago I ASKED him if we could spend time together this week ( as he is away so much and this was his only free slot) ...

And now he's telling me he is too busy for anything but lunch and a coffee.

Wow the negativity online lately is freaking me out.

A lot of guys honestly like direct assertions. You found some time (nvm how you found it) so stay cool & say where you'd like him to be in person.

Yep... just got to be not angry :/

Well if he is too unavailable that is just how it is...doesn't sound like he sees any issue with it so I doubt it would change. Also if he won't even call himself your boyfriend, it doesn't really sound like he's set with staying with you...or ready to commit. Like you're as good as he can do right now but he hasn't ruled out moving on if someone else comes along who he might like. I mean it could certainly just be having so little time off work and that is his main priority so he just sees relationships as secondary(thus may be more compatible with someone similar in that aspect) but the other possibility is he may not be as into keeping this relationship as you are.

'no vacation nation'

All I know to do until I really talk to someone is study or work, except excercise.

I don't mind a bit of unavailability but this level is too much.

In conjunction with unreliable communication patterns, me feeling like I'm making all the effort.

Plus he was still using dating websites- that was the crux of my last complaint.

Yeh it stinks of 'good enough for some company and a shag but nothing more'

I hope you find balance. I'm trying to reconcile sapiosexuality. I need art. It takes effort to show that one girl is the whole reason I'm not simply in a lab with a notepad my entire life.

It easy to get stuck in your own prejudices. I have one that says I'm unloveable I'll die alone and nobody would want to spend their life alongside me.

I've got nothing to loose by telling him we need to compromise or this is over. It's true that I can't carry on as we are.

Hi. I'm an NT lady that has had a close friendship with an Aspie man for the last couple of years. It's been a bumpy road for us even without the expectations you have within a relationship. I think however you may be asking something of him that he is simply unable to give you. I have read so much around the subject to try and understand the different way we both work to keep this friendship going. However the biggest thing partners say is that their Aspie partners are simply not able to "be there" for their loved one in the way they expect. They become overwhelmed by what we need and emotions and then feel unable to offer anything for fear it will be wrong. The people I have spoke. To who have made these relationships work successfully have learnt to accept that and to seek this kind of support from other friends and family.
They do care they really do but just struggle with finding the right way to show it, or the right actions to take. Especially if they are feeling overwhelmed themselves. I do think there can be a compromise tho. If you can clearly state a simple thing that would help to let you know they are there and thinking of you. In my friendship it was a simple goodnight text at the end of the day.

I hope that helps a little. These relationships are a struggle for everyone, but as long as you know it is not intentional it helps. I also find it very difficult to maintain my friendship at the times I am emotionaly vulnerable x

However the him using dating sites is a concern. Does seem like you both have different ideas about how serious this relationship is. Maybe you do need to once again spell it out to him that in a relationship you expect him not to be chatting to other women on dating sites?

It was 'open' for a bit, at my suggestion.

It made things too complicated for me.

Although the reality was that I dated others while he didn't.

Here is my earlier thread: memberlist.php?mode=email&t=342432

Paradoxically the closer I get in a dedicated relationship, the more open I feel around everyone. Shifting priorities too quickly might dampen anyone's overall receptivity.