Do you?

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Do you miss a person specifically because they are that person? Or do you only miss not having that void that was left and the comfort of someone ( anyone) being there?

A little bit of both. Depends on the person.

If I really feel comfortable and I delight in the person's company.

This hasn't happened too often in my life.

I don't miss anybody romantically like that but I've lost a lot of people in my life, it's both the person and the void they left behind. There's always something highly personal and specific to the person obviously, I will say that I don't really have any contact at all with my extended family that I was pretty close with growing up so it the hurts a lot to feel this perceived rejection(which is probably 100% on my end) and it makes me think they never cared about me to begin with. Rejection and betrayal are painful things that stick with you and they might my entire life, things like that replay in my head over and over again. I don't hold anger towards people tho, I have a pretty fatalistic outlook so I turn most the negative stuff inwards which isn't healthy either. "If I was a better person, I would of had better friends" and stuff like that.

People die and you are largely powerless to stop it, it's being 'their time' makes it easier to accept like it did with grandma who I was probably closer to than anyone else in my life. She was 85, had lost her husband, and was in a lot of pain her last couple months so I could rationalize it is unfair and selfish for me to want to keep her here. It's a lot harder to rationalize losing a young mother to a heroin OD or a losing a toddler to childhood illness, god works in mysterious ways I guess.

I miss a lot of things, I live 1800 miles from everything and everyone I ever knew the first 20 years of my life and it's just hard to deal with the implications of that and move on.

Sorry if I expanded on the topic beyond the original scope.

It's a complicated thing with lots of layers involving lots of people so I wouldn't say it's my fault but it's a two street and I've shied away from family for a long time. When certain family members die it can really change the relationship people have with the rest of their family, some get become closer and others get torn apart. There are special people, beacons of positivity, you're lucky to have someone like that in your family or just in life but when they're gone things can never be the same.

I push others away, that's the depression and poor self esteem, like why would they care about a loser like me? Everyone loves kids but no so much when they become teenagers with problems who grow up into adults with problems. Avoidance has long been my coping mechanism of choice and now I live almost 2k miles away so it has been really easy to just turn off that part of my life but it still hurts. The only way I probably could get in contact with people would be thru Facebook which I don't use, I feel like it's just over. I avoid my immediate family a lot too, I feel really guilty about doing it and I can't really even explain exactly why I do it since they're literally all I have. I think a lot of people on the spectrum suffer from the unfortunate catch 22 of being depressed & lonely but isolate themselves because of the feelings of inadequacy which led to the depression and loneliness in the first place, a very viscous cycle.

I do, all the time

Even though I keep too much to myself I still try to refrain from acting clingy. Nonetheless I miss people on an individual basis. I find myself freaking out because of this because no matter how far out I might be, it still seems like I haven't distinguished myself.

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"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos