Is it OK to date an ex's friend?

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Grisha
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20 Jun 2011, 2:06 pm

Especially if they are not even friends any more?

Any feedback would be appreciated...

pree10shun
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20 Jun 2011, 2:08 pm

Are you still friends with you ex?

AngelKnight
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20 Jun 2011, 2:13 pm

Grisha wrote:

Especially if they are not even friends any more?

Any feedback would be appreciated...

I would personally require more information to provide a hypothesis or a verdict. In the meantime, I'd be *very* careful about any advice offered

pree10shun wrote:

Are you still friends with you ex?

Happens once in a while. My ex used to be toxic for me for ... umm, years. But at this point not anymore; she's a mostly-stranger now.

Grisha
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20 Jun 2011, 2:20 pm

pree10shun wrote:

Are you still friends with you ex?

I guess I should clarify - it's my ex-wife and we have two children (who live with her)

I wouldn't exactly call us "friends" but we co-parent pretty amiably, without drama.

Ex-wife gets very upset whenever she becomes aware of me having any contact at all with her friends, even though in my view she has absolutely no grounds for doing so.

Just wondering if maybe there's something I'm missing...

hyperlexian
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20 Jun 2011, 3:07 pm

sounds like your ex still wishes she could have some bit of control over you. i'd say, go for the friend. and don't tell your ex unless it gets serious, just so that she doesn't go for the jugular unless it is actually warranted. since they are not really friends anymore either, it seems like it wouldn't be too much of a problem.

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OddFinn
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20 Jun 2011, 3:20 pm

Grisha wrote:

Any feedback would be appreciated...

Since you need to ask, I suppose that you feel that it is not ok, and you wish that someone here would convince you otherwise.

I would say that it is not up to us, but it is up to you and the friend. The responsibility and the decision is yours.

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SyphonFilter
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20 Jun 2011, 3:39 pm

OddFinn wrote:

Grisha wrote:

Any feedback would be appreciated...

That's what I was going to say.

Grisha
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20 Jun 2011, 5:23 pm

OddFinn wrote:

Grisha wrote:

Any feedback would be appreciated...

I DO feel it's OK, it's my ex who doesn't - I'm curious about what other people think.

keira
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20 Jun 2011, 6:09 pm

I think it might be complicated and awkward but everything is possible. And it's up to you and your ex's friend to decide if it's OK for you to date. Your ex shouldn't have any say in who you're dating.

The only thing I would advise you to be careful about is letting this affect your children. If your ex gets really frustrated over this she might involve your children into it as well. But you should know your ex enough to know if she would go that low. I know some women do.

Janissy
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20 Jun 2011, 6:10 pm

She will react.

If you don't want to deal with that reaction, don't date her friend.

If you are prepared to deal with that reaction, date her friend.

Grisha
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20 Jun 2011, 6:36 pm

keira wrote:

The only thing I would advise you to be careful about is letting this affect your children. If your ex gets really frustrated over this she might involve your children into it as well. But you should know your ex enough to know if she would go that low. I know some women do.

Trust me she would go that low - I think I'm going to have to pass on this one - it's a shame because dating opportunities don't happen very often for me...

mv
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20 Jun 2011, 6:39 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

this. Life is short, dude.

Grisha
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20 Jun 2011, 6:59 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

sounds like your ex still wishes she could have some bit of control over you.

True - especially if you change "wishes" to "has" and "some bit" to "absolute"... :wink:

Quote:

i'd say, go for the friend. and don't tell your ex unless it gets serious, just so that she doesn't go for the jugular unless it is actually warranted. since they are not really friends anymore either, it seems like it wouldn't be too much of a problem.

Except I wouldn't tell her even if it did get serious - why would I do that? It's not her business unless it affects the welfare of the children, which it wouldn't...

pree10shun
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20 Jun 2011, 7:03 pm

Grisha wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

sounds like your ex still wishes she could have some bit of control over you.

True - especially if you change "wishes" to "has" and "some bit" to "absolute"... :wink:

Quote:

Except I wouldn't tell her even if it did get serious - why would I do that? It's not her business unless it affects the welfare of the children, which it wouldn't...

It's upto you then if it does not effect the welfare of the children... It's still a sensitive issue so I'd say think twice before you jump in

Grisha
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20 Jun 2011, 8:39 pm

pree10shun wrote:

It's upto you then if it does not effect the welfare of the children... It's still a sensitive issue so I'd say think twice before you jump in

I am thinking twice, that's why I started this thread, but I think everything will be OK anyway because I went to the pharmacy and now I'm back on my meds... :wink:

JaredGTALover
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15 Aug 2017, 12:01 pm

i dated a friend's ex for 6 months.he didn't want me dating her because of the Bro Code:you don't go out with the ex-girlfriend,brother or sister of a best friend.it's not that i wanted to,the ex's friend made me do it & she threatened to make the pressure worse every time i didn't say yes .it put a strain on my Bromance & i blamed the ex's friend for it

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