Difference between a date and a hang out?

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wanderlust77
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11 Sep 2017, 12:03 pm

What's the difference? When I meet a man one to one, when is it a date and when is it a hang out and when is it a date disguised as hangout?
Some men said if he pays, if he invites for a dinner in a restaurant, it is a date.
Is it true? Can guy friends not invite you for a dinner?



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Sep 2017, 12:32 pm

Did you ever invite your female friend to a dinner?

Usually when it's a one-to-one thing between a guy and a gal then yeah, it's a date.



wanderlust77
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11 Sep 2017, 12:51 pm

I did invite my female friend, I wanted to pay, she didn't accept it.



wanderlust77
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11 Sep 2017, 12:56 pm

And if a guy invites me to a walk in the park, and we watch the sunset together then go for a meal?
Sounds like a date to me, he insisted we were friends.



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Sep 2017, 1:09 pm

wanderlust77 wrote:
And if a guy invites me to a walk in the park, and we watch the sunset together then go for a meal?
Sounds like a date to me, he insisted we were friends.



It does sound like a date.

But maybe he friendzoned you for some reason.

People are weird.



wanderlust77
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11 Sep 2017, 1:57 pm

Agreed. NT people are weird, that's why I like it here :)



sly279
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11 Sep 2017, 7:04 pm

wanderlust77 wrote:
And if a guy invites me to a walk in the park, and we watch the sunset together then go for a meal?
Sounds like a date to me, he insisted we were friends.

Minus the dinner that's my idea first date.
Sorry that happen to you. He may have decided he didn't like you that way anymore after the date :(



kraftiekortie
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11 Sep 2017, 8:22 pm

I would say "watching the sunset" together, and going for a walk, is a date. It's a very romantic thing to do.

If we're sitting on a park bench or something, continuing to look at, and talk about, the sunset, I would look for signs that a lady wants me to caress her in some way.



imhere
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11 Sep 2017, 9:00 pm

Well this is a good question. Because I am NT, and a while back I asked my Aspie friend to get together. He was moving soon and I wanted to say goodbye. Sure, there may be feelings there on my part, but I intended it just as friends getting together, as I believe friends do from time to time if they are not forced to see each other through work or other regularly scheduled obligations. Well he took my invite to mean purely romantic things, even though that was not the intent. As a result of his misunderstanding, he went crazy and said some vicious things. He has been known to rage like that. I clarified that I did not mean it that way, but he did not acknowledge that and I have not heard from him since nor have I tried to contact him--I figure if he wants to have communications with me then this time he will have to initiate. I've gone to great lengths to be supportive and to be a good friend to this person but frankly all I have gotten from him all along was convoluted confused messages leading me to believe he has no clue how he really feels and as a defense mechanism he lashes out cruelly and viciously.

So this makes me think about what someone else here has stated several times--that Aspies don't have friends. Not the way NTs see them. But instead they have acquaintances (which you might talk to online but not really see on purpose outside of obligatory encounters) and they have romantic interests. So when I tried so hard to be this person's friend, he can only see romantic interests of which he has none for me, and so he went crazy and said some truly awful and hurtful things.

So I have strong feelings for this person, yes I do. But my invitation was not about that. Yet I get to end up so hurt in the wake of his outburst and now I don't suspect I'll ever hear from him again. So now I'm wondering....is this common for an Aspie (to lash out)? And are they aware of the bridges they burn and the pain they cause? Because I feel like the whole world knew that me and this person were close (as friends)--the whole world.....other friends, colleagues, etc. EVERYONE knew we had a close relationship. Everyone, that is, except for him.

And so I'm left feeling like this person who I felt so close to for a couple years actually doesn't care a darn thing about me and never really did--though he sure acted like he did. I really don't think he ever appreciated me or cared at all.



kraftiekortie
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11 Sep 2017, 9:17 pm

I'm an aspie-autistic type of person.

I wouldn't rage like that.



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11 Sep 2017, 9:21 pm

The line between a hang out and a date can sometimes be blurred, although I would say that most romantic dates generally happen of an evening (but not always).

Basically, people expect you to know when they are interested, or not, which is the deciding factor for whether it's an actual romantic date, or a friendly get together. Many people are socially clueless, and have no idea which one it is (this includes NT's).

Then you have the people that friend zone other people, and go and do all of the things with the other person a normal romantic couple would do, yet they are not romantically interested (even though the other person may be). So, basically, one, or both people aren't being honest about their intentions, which leads to confusion.



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12 Sep 2017, 12:03 am

wanderlust77 wrote:
What's the difference? When I meet a man one to one, when is it a date and when is it a hang out and when is it a date disguised as hangout?
Some men said if he pays, if he invites for a dinner in a restaurant, it is a date.
Is it true? Can guy friends not invite you for a dinner?

I was hanging with two female friends a few weeks back and I bought us some food. I think it depends on the guy. I hangout with my friends whom happen to all be female.



wanderlust77
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12 Sep 2017, 12:35 am

BettaPonic wrote:
wanderlust77 wrote:
What's the difference? When I meet a man one to one, when is it a date and when is it a hang out and when is it a date disguised as hangout?
Some men said if he pays, if he invites for a dinner in a restaurant, it is a date.
Is it true? Can guy friends not invite you for a dinner?

I was hanging with two female friends a few weeks back and I bought us some food. I think it depends on the guy. I hangout with my friends whom happen to all be female.

Thanks for your reply but I was asking about one to one meetings and restaurant dinners.
If it's a group obviously I won't think he invited me on a date.



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12 Sep 2017, 6:25 am

wanderlust77 wrote:
BettaPonic wrote:
wanderlust77 wrote:
What's the difference? When I meet a man one to one, when is it a date and when is it a hang out and when is it a date disguised as hangout?
Some men said if he pays, if he invites for a dinner in a restaurant, it is a date.
Is it true? Can guy friends not invite you for a dinner?

I was hanging with two female friends a few weeks back and I bought us some food. I think it depends on the guy. I hangout with my friends whom happen to all be female.

Thanks for your reply but I was asking about one to one meetings and restaurant dinners.
If it's a group obviously I won't think he invited me on a date.

I have hung out with both of them one on one. I think a big part is no flirting. One of them and go to parks and lunch all the time. The other and I go for lunch and walks.



wanderlust77
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12 Sep 2017, 10:02 am

Bettaponic thanks for claryfing it.
What do you do on dates then? When you ask a girl out, where do you take them? What do you nomally do?