Marriage isn't believable for me.

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SixthTitan
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26 Sep 2017, 8:10 am

I don't believe in marriage so *raises hand*
I'll pass on the marriage bandwagon.

I'd rather put my energy towards having a child and being a single mom than worrying about a relationship that's more work than what it's worth. Marriage is the equivalent to prison, you're locked up in a cell with another person and the only way out is to talk to the parole board and hope they agree.

*I once interviewed at a prison and watched a documentary.



kraftiekortie
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26 Sep 2017, 9:22 am

I'm married. And I sort of regret it.

I like my freedom.



SilverBoltsisWmax
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26 Sep 2017, 9:44 am

SixthTitan wrote:
I don't believe in marriage so *raises hand*
I'll pass on the marriage bandwagon.

I'd rather put my energy towards having a child and being a single mom than worrying about a relationship that's more work than what it's worth. Marriage is the equivalent to prison, you're locked up in a cell with another person and the only way out is to talk to the parole board and hope they agree.

*I once interviewed at a prison and watched a documentary.


Thats pretty dark and mostly not true. Marriage is worth it if both people really want it. It's like having a pet, some want it for the appeal without understanding what goes into it. Once you can buy a pet that you like for reasons that wont change, rationalize the work you have tob put into it then it works.

Aka marriage.

People get in relationships and married for bs reasons and dont have the desire to work hard in it.



hurtloam
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26 Sep 2017, 10:55 am

SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
SixthTitan wrote:
I don't believe in marriage so *raises hand*
I'll pass on the marriage bandwagon.

I'd rather put my energy towards having a child and being a single mom than worrying about a relationship that's more work than what it's worth. Marriage is the equivalent to prison, you're locked up in a cell with another person and the only way out is to talk to the parole board and hope they agree.

*I once interviewed at a prison and watched a documentary.


Thats pretty dark and mostly not true. Marriage is worth it if both people really want it. It's like having a pet, some want it for the appeal without understanding what goes into it. Once you can buy a pet that you like for reasons that wont change, rationalize the work you have tob put into it then it works.

Aka marriage.

People get in relationships and married for bs reasons and dont have the desire to work hard in it.


I must say. I agree with this.

I know people who waited till their early 30s to get married. They lived a little and found out who they were and what they wanted. They didn't rush into it as a milestone they had to reach before 30. They only committed to someone once they met someone they were compatible with.

They are happily married now.

I also know people who rushed into marriage young who now regret it. They are trapped in a prison of their own making, i dont doubt that.

Though I know a few who lucked out early in life and did meet someone compatible in their early 20s.

I doubt I'll meet someone compatible, so I don't think I'll marry. But I'm not against marriage itself.



green0star
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26 Sep 2017, 4:44 pm

SixthTitan wrote:
I don't believe in marriage so *raises hand*
I'll pass on the marriage bandwagon.

I'd rather put my energy towards having a child and being a single mom than worrying about a relationship that's more work than what it's worth. Marriage is the equivalent to prison, you're locked up in a cell with another person and the only way out is to talk to the parole board and hope they agree.

*I once interviewed at a prison and watched a documentary.


Wow, you actually wanna be a single mother ...???



kitesandtrainsandcats
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26 Sep 2017, 5:30 pm

SixthTitan wrote:
about a relationship that's more work than what it's worth.

The question is, with or without marriage, do you want the father to be involved, and how much?
Quote:
Pediatrics
June 2016
From the American Academy of Pediatrics
Clinical Report
Father involvement in the early childhood years is associated with positive child developmental and psychological outcomes over time, although most studies do not differentiate the benefits of having 2 parents from a specifically male presence as the second parent. For example, at 3 years of age, father-child communication was a significant and unique predictor of advanced language development in the child but mother-child communication was not.59 Despite this finding, infants from birth to 7 months of age were exposed to significantly more language from mothers compared with fathers.60 Mothers tailor word choice to the child’s known vocabulary, whereas fathers are more likely to introduce new words.9 Child health care providers have an opportunity to encourage fathers to speak to their infants more.

In a prospective study, when fathers were more involved (caring, playing, communicating) in infancy, children had decreased mental health symptomatology at 9 years of age.61 Fathers engaged in more roughhouse play, and their involvement in play with preschoolers predicted decreased externalizing and internalizing behavior problems and enhanced social competence.62 In a nationally representative household sample, positive father involvement was inversely associated with child behavior trajectories, such that more involvement was accompanied by less child maladaptive behavior; furthermore, the influence of maternal depressive symptoms on child problem behaviors varied by the level of the father’s positive involvement.63 This information suggests that the influence of involved fathers may compensate for the negative influence of maternal depression (eg, reduced responsiveness to a child’s socioemotional needs), thereby reducing the risk of child problem behaviors and development.
...
Although mothers are generally more involved with their children’s direct care, a father’s participation in care has been linked to higher adherence to treatment, better child psychological adjustment, and improved health status compared with families with nonparticipating fathers.73

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2016/06/10/peds.2016-1128


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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26 Sep 2017, 5:36 pm

Again, the question is how much father involvement do you want?

Quote:
There is an old saying that “one father is more than a hundred school masters”. This is true and is borne out by scientific research. Studies have found that infants with highly involved fathers, as measured by the amount of interaction, are more cognitively competent at six months and score higher on the Bayley scales of infant development, which are a standard series of measurements used to assess children aged 0 to 3. Researchers also found that such infants had a higher IQ by age three.

Researchers have found that mothers and fathers speak to their toddlers in very different ways. A father’s talk is characterised by more questions, such as “what” and “where”, which stimulates children and gets them to take over more responsibility for communication in that interaction.

The benefits of involving fathers in the care of their children during the early years is not limited to the health and well-being of the children but reflects back on the whole family. As we can see from the research, families in which the fathers were involved in raising the children, report fewer accidental and premature deaths, less than average contact with the law, less substance abuse, fewer hospital admissions and a greater sense of well-being overall.

https://www.thenational.ae/opinion/a-father-s-role-in-a-child-s-life-is-about-more-than-paying-the-bills-1.96060


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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26 Sep 2017, 5:38 pm

Quote:
" Research is increasingly revealing that dads make a big difference in their kids' lives — and (surprise, surprise), they're perfectly capable of being competent parents. For example, dads can recognize their baby's cries as well as moms, and in some cases, a father-child relationship can influence that kid's life to a greater extent than the mother-child bond.

"Given the rising role of women as breadwinners in a large minority of families, it's important to realize that men bring more than money to the parenting enterprise," said W. Brad Wilcox, a sociologist at the University of Virginia who studies marriage and families."
...
" Dads are often cited for their influence on their sons, but the father-daughter relationship is extremely important, too, said Linda Nielsen, a Wake Forest University Psychologist and author of "Father-Daughter Relationships: Contemporary Research & Issues" (Routledge, 2012).

"The father is generally going to have a greater impact on his daughter's ambitions, assertiveness, the kinds of attitudes she needs to get ahead in school and to get ahead in the world of work and to get ahead financially," Nielsen told LiveScience. That's because, even as more and more moms work outside the home, fathers are still more likely to have jobs requiring assertiveness, negotiation skills and leadership, she said."

https://www.livescience.com/37435-fathers-importance-kids.html


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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26 Sep 2017, 5:41 pm

Last reference

Quote:
Other research on the role of fathers suggests that the influence of father love on children's development is as great as the influence of a mother's love. Fatherly love helps children develop a sense of their place in the world, which helps their social, emotional and cognitive development and functioning. Moreover, children who receive more love from their fathers are less likely to struggle with behavioral or substance abuse problems.

Non-residential fathers

Research on the impact of absent and non-residential fathers on the lives of children illuminates how crucial their role is. Theoretical models of fatherhood have outlined four major tasks involved in “responsible fatherhood”:

providing financial support;

providing care;

providing emotional support; and

establishing legal paternity.

As of 2006, 38 percent of all births were to unmarried women — a more than six-fold increase since 1960. Non-marital birth rates are highest for Hispanic women followed by African-American women. Rates for non-Hispanic white and Asian or Pacific Islander women are much lower. However, crude stereotypes about minority fathers in particular overlook the complex economic, psychological, cultural and relational issues that affect their fathering behaviors. There are cultural variations in fathers' caregiving practices that counter several negative stereotypes.
...
The status of the father's relationship with his child's mother serves an important influence on father involvement. Non-residential fathers are at high risk for becoming disconnected from their children over time. Lacking a minimally close relationship, as is the case when couples become acquaintances, is likely to result in lower levels of paternal engagement of children.

http://www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/changing-father.aspx


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The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Sep 2017, 10:01 am

SixthTitan wrote:
I don't believe in marriage so *raises hand*
I'll pass on the marriage bandwagon.

I'd rather put my energy towards having a child and being a single mom than worrying about a relationship that's more work than what it's worth. Marriage is the equivalent to prison, you're locked up in a cell with another person and the only way out is to talk to the parole board and hope they agree.

*I once interviewed at a prison and watched a documentary.


What's the question?



Sweetleaf
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27 Sep 2017, 12:03 pm

Well she could adopt or use a sperm donor....if she's set on having a kid but no relationship.


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white_as_snow
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28 Sep 2017, 5:51 pm

SixthTitan wrote:
I don't believe in marriage so *raises hand*
I'll pass on the marriage bandwagon.

I'd rather put my energy towards having a child and being a single mom than worrying about a relationship that's more work than what it's worth. Marriage is the equivalent to prison, you're locked up in a cell with another person and the only way out is to talk to the parole board and hope they agree.

*I once interviewed at a prison and watched a documentary.


give me a shot, i will be good to you.



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28 Sep 2017, 6:09 pm

white_as_snow wrote:
SixthTitan wrote:
I don't believe in marriage so *raises hand*
I'll pass on the marriage bandwagon.

I'd rather put my energy towards having a child and being a single mom than worrying about a relationship that's more work than what it's worth. Marriage is the equivalent to prison, you're locked up in a cell with another person and the only way out is to talk to the parole board and hope they agree.

*I once interviewed at a prison and watched a documentary.


give me a shot, i will be good to you.


Smooth.



hurtloam
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29 Sep 2017, 12:36 am

Science

Quote:
A study comparing the well-being of children growing up in single-mother-by-choice and heterosexual two-parent families has found no differences in terms of parent-child relationship or child development. However, the study did find that the single-mothers-by-choice did have a greater social support network.


https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/07/170705095332.htm



kitesandtrainsandcats
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29 Sep 2017, 4:13 am

hurtloam wrote:
Science
Quote:
A study comparing the well-being of children growing up in single-mother-by-choice and heterosexual two-parent families has found no differences in terms of parent-child relationship or child development. However, the study did find that the single-mothers-by-choice did have a greater social support network.


https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/07/170705095332.htm

That's not a large enough sample for good science
Quote:
The study described by Ms Brewaeys was a comparison of 69 single-mothers-by-choice (who had knowingly chosen to raise their child alone) and 59 mothers from heterosexual two-parent families ...


Huh, but ...
Quote:
... with a child between the ages of 1.5 and 6 years.

What happens during the remaining 12 years of childhood?
When the child is impacted by greater behavior options and more pressures and influences?


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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29 Sep 2017, 4:17 am

hurtloam wrote:
Science
Quote:
A study comparing the well-being of children growing up in single-mother-by-choice ...

This seems relevant somehow,
Quote:
In spite of having chosen to parent alone, the majority of solo mothers do so not from choice, but because they do not have a current partner and feel that time is running out for them to have a child (Graham & Braverman, 2012; Hertz, 2006; Jadva et al., 2009; Murray & Golombok, 2005a). Many single mothers by choice report that they would have preferred to have children within a traditional family setting but could not wait any longer because of their increasing age and associated fertility decline.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4886836/


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