I feel like no one wants me to have a girlfriend

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Marknis
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27 Sep 2017, 5:31 pm

Whenever I tell others I want a girlfriend and it makes me sad that I am lonely, the response I usually get is "You don't need a girlfriend!" as if I am being told it's a bad thing that I wish I was in a relationship. A lot of the same people who tell me this are in relationships themselves so why is it ok for them but not for me?



Closet Genious
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27 Sep 2017, 6:03 pm

First and foremost because men's feelings generally don't matter, and most people are repulsed by them. Secondly because it wouldn't make you happy anyways.



Marknis
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27 Sep 2017, 6:08 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
First and foremost because men's feelings generally don't matter, and most people are repulsed by them. Secondly because it wouldn't make you happy anyways.


I don't care what society thinks. If I want to show my emotions, I will.



Closet Genious
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27 Sep 2017, 8:03 pm

Marknis wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
First and foremost because men's feelings generally don't matter, and most people are repulsed by them. Secondly because it wouldn't make you happy anyways.


I don't care what society thinks. If I want to show my emotions, I will.


That's fine, I'm just saying the consequence of that might be(often is) that people will either look down on you, or they will just feel uncomfortable around you.



Marknis
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27 Sep 2017, 8:29 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
First and foremost because men's feelings generally don't matter, and most people are repulsed by them. Secondly because it wouldn't make you happy anyways.


I don't care what society thinks. If I want to show my emotions, I will.


That's fine, I'm just saying the consequence of that might be(often is) that people will either look down on you, or they will just feel uncomfortable around you.


I don't cry like a little kid to them or get huffy like a football jock. I am just honest when they ask me how I am.

Not only do they tell me I don't need a girlfriend, they'll say I have good things going for me. Really? I have an ever shrinking friendship network, I am a college dropout, I earn poverty level income, and I live in a culture that thinks evolution is "BS" while Trump is God's voice on Earth.



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27 Sep 2017, 8:46 pm

Marknis wrote:
I live in a culture that thinks evolution is "BS" while Trump is God's voice on Earth.


Whatever you may think of President Trump, Evolution IS BS. I know a lot of supposedly smart people still believe it's "settled science," but the truth is, even by Darwin's own standards of proof, it's a failed theory. There's no more evidence for it in the fossil record than there is for Piltdown Man - and the Primordial Ooze experiments turned out to be a bust as well.

Scientists in the relevant fields who are honest about the evidence have known since about 1971 that Darwinism is just another faith-based cult. There is mutation, no doubt, which might be called "micro-evolution," but the notion of all life springing from single-celled organisms, much less one species morphing into another, that's just fantasy.

Try looking up Zombie Science, or The Case for a Creator for details (don't argue, just read - you can argue once you've absorbed the facts and the evidence). It'll give you something to do while you're waiting for your first big heartbreak to come along. And you are waiting for that. Anyone so desperate for their first relationship is going to have a painful crash and burn once it comes along. You'll pine for the old days, when you were just lonely. But good luck, soldier.


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Marknis
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27 Sep 2017, 9:29 pm

will@rd wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I live in a culture that thinks evolution is "BS" while Trump is God's voice on Earth.


Whatever you may think of President Trump, Evolution IS BS. I know a lot of supposedly smart people still believe it's "settled science," but the truth is, even by Darwin's own standards of proof, it's a failed theory. There's no more evidence for it in the fossil record than there is for Piltdown Man - and the Primordial Ooze experiments turned out to be a bust as well.

Scientists in the relevant fields who are honest about the evidence have known since about 1971 that Darwinism is just another faith-based cult. There is mutation, no doubt, which might be called "micro-evolution," but the notion of all life springing from single-celled organisms, much less one species morphing into another, that's just fantasy.

Try looking up Zombie Science, or The Case for a Creator for details (don't argue, just read - you can argue once you've absorbed the facts and the evidence). It'll give you something to do while you're waiting for your first big heartbreak to come along. And you are waiting for that. Anyone so desperate for their first relationship is going to have a painful crash and burn once it comes along. You'll pine for the old days, when you were just lonely. But good luck, soldier.


:roll:

Evolution is a cult? That's Bible Belt level of stupidity. It's not something you "believe" in, it's something you either accept or deny. You probably think the theory of gravity is a cult going by your logic.

And how can evolution have no evidence in the fossil record when transitional fossils have been found in it countless times? The Piltdown Man was met with skepticism by evolutionary scientists and it was intentionally designed to fool people so trying to use it to debunk evolution is faulty. Scientists today don't even need to talk about it and hominid fossils were still discovered during that time.

Microevolution does not rule out macroevolution since evolution (specifically Darwinian) is not an overnight process. It happens slower than we can witness it. Don't confuse Lamarckian evolution with Darwinian evolution.

I can't take advice from anyone who calls evolution a cult seriously. The fact you list your location as the Confederade states show you are brainwashed by the Bible Belt. Also, I've had a girlfriend before and we parted on good terms, thank you very much.



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27 Sep 2017, 9:50 pm

Marknis wrote:
Whenever I tell others I want a girlfriend and it makes me sad that I am lonely, the response I usually get is "You don't need a girlfriend!" as if I am being told it's a bad thing that I wish I was in a relationship. A lot of the same people who tell me this are in relationships themselves so why is it ok for them but not for me?


Society doesn't expect you to want to be in a relationship, society expects you to already be in a relationship.


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Marknis
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27 Sep 2017, 9:57 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Whenever I tell others I want a girlfriend and it makes me sad that I am lonely, the response I usually get is "You don't need a girlfriend!" as if I am being told it's a bad thing that I wish I was in a relationship. A lot of the same people who tell me this are in relationships themselves so why is it ok for them but not for me?


Society doesn't expect you to want to be in a relationship, society expects you to already be in a relationship.


And in the Bible Belt, you are considered gay or a pedophile if you aren't seen with a girlfriend.



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28 Sep 2017, 2:07 am

Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Whenever I tell others I want a girlfriend and it makes me sad that I am lonely, the response I usually get is "You don't need a girlfriend!" as if I am being told it's a bad thing that I wish I was in a relationship. A lot of the same people who tell me this are in relationships themselves so why is it ok for them but not for me?


Society doesn't expect you to want to be in a relationship, society expects you to already be in a relationship.


And in the Bible Belt, you are considered gay or a pedophile if you aren't seen with a girlfriend.


This "Bible Belt" you're living in seems like a really toxic place. The Christians around here are very nice, tolerant, respectful people (for the most part), certainly not the kind to make harsh judgments on single folk.



wanderlust77
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28 Sep 2017, 2:13 am

I know it's easier said than done but you have to stop giving a flying monkey about what other people think. In life you have a limited amount of f#ck to give, choose carefully. Other people, from the Bible belt, simply don't matter. There are a lot of ignorant, stupid people everywhere, you have to learn to ignore them.

Why do you want a girlfriend? What is it you exactly looking for? What's stopping you to get a girl?
Do you even try to talk to girls? Where do you go when you want to meet girls?
What values can you add to a relationship?
I'm asking this as in a long lasting relationship both partners are capable of living on their own happily but they chose to share this experience, not because they need to be in a relationship, they want to be. It's a big difference.



AspieSingleDad
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28 Sep 2017, 2:27 am

Marknis wrote:
Whenever I tell others I want a girlfriend and it makes me sad that I am lonely, the response I usually get is "You don't need a girlfriend!" as if I am being told it's a bad thing that I wish I was in a relationship. A lot of the same people who tell me this are in relationships themselves so why is it ok for them but not for me?


I'm glad the last post moved the topic away from evolution (which is not the topic of your post) to what you actually did post about. The reason people are telling you you don't need a girlfriend is because they don't expect you to be able to get one. They have low expectations for you. I've never met you, so I can't tell you why that would be.

Are there characteristics about yourself (besides being socially awkward like the rest of us) that would hold you back from getting a girlfriend? Do you need to lose some weight or something? Have you tried online dating?

If you want to get a girlfriend, you'll have to look within yourself and find the best way for you to achieve that. You won't get help from your friends. I wish your friends were more sympathetic and less condescending, but I guess getting friends is hard enough as it is.



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28 Sep 2017, 3:41 am

Marknis wrote:
Whenever I tell others I want a girlfriend and it makes me sad that I am lonely, the response I usually get is "You don't need a girlfriend!" as if I am being told it's a bad thing that I wish I was in a relationship. A lot of the same people who tell me this are in relationships themselves so why is it ok for them but not for me?


I don't know those people so I can't say anything for sure, but I think that some of them might say so in order to cheer you up. As in they want to tell you that having a relationship isn't everything in the world and not to worry even if you don't have one. There is also a possibility that they really think of you as the kind of person who's happier on your own.

But since you do want a girlfriend all I can say is to keep trying and try to be positive. Maybe you'll find someone, maybe you won't, but the only way to find out is to keep trying.



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28 Sep 2017, 4:59 am

will@rd wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I live in a culture that thinks evolution is "BS" while Trump is God's voice on Earth.


Whatever you may think of President Trump, Evolution IS BS. I know a lot of supposedly smart people still believe it's "settled science," but the truth is, even by Darwin's own standards of proof, it's a failed theory. There's no more evidence for it in the fossil record than there is for Piltdown Man - and the Primordial Ooze experiments turned out to be a bust as well.

Scientists in the relevant fields who are honest about the evidence have known since about 1971 that Darwinism is just another faith-based cult. There is mutation, no doubt, which might be called "micro-evolution," but the notion of all life springing from single-celled organisms, much less one species morphing into another, that's just fantasy.

Try looking up Zombie Science, or The Case for a Creator for details (don't argue, just read - you can argue once you've absorbed the facts and the evidence). It'll give you something to do while you're waiting for your first big heartbreak to come along. And you are waiting for that. Anyone so desperate for their first relationship is going to have a painful crash and burn once it comes along. You'll pine for the old days, when you were just lonely. But good luck, soldier.


That's the dumbest thing I've read. There's literally millions, if not billions of pieces of evidence, that all point in the same direction - evolution.



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28 Sep 2017, 8:09 am

Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Whenever I tell others I want a girlfriend and it makes me sad that I am lonely, the response I usually get is "You don't need a girlfriend!" as if I am being told it's a bad thing that I wish I was in a relationship. A lot of the same people who tell me this are in relationships themselves so why is it ok for them but not for me?


Society doesn't expect you to want to be in a relationship, society expects you to already be in a relationship.


And in the Bible Belt, you are considered gay or a pedophile if you aren't seen with a girlfriend.


I guess I'm lucky. Here in Australia you're only considered to be a loser and a virgin if you aren't seen with a girlfriend.


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29 Sep 2017, 5:30 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Whenever I tell others I want a girlfriend and it makes me sad that I am lonely, the response I usually get is "You don't need a girlfriend!" as if I am being told it's a bad thing that I wish I was in a relationship. A lot of the same people who tell me this are in relationships themselves so why is it ok for them but not for me?


Society doesn't expect you to want to be in a relationship, society expects you to already be in a relationship.


And in the Bible Belt, you are considered gay or a pedophile if you aren't seen with a girlfriend.


I guess I'm lucky. Here in Australia you're only considered to be a loser and a virgin if you aren't seen with a girlfriend.

I actually do live in the Bible Belt. Marknis is mainly seeking validation and empathy. He's not interested in taking responsibility for the position he's in. It's always easier to blame your circumstances and/or other people than to actually try doing what it takes, which might mean getting out of your comfort zone and making changes, to achieve your goals.

The first obvious solution, assuming the Bible Belt really is the source of the problem, is to simply move somewhere else. I wanted to study music composition in college. Trouble was there weren't any strong graduate composition programs in Mississippi. So I met other composers and found the best thing for me to do was go to New York and try out one of the SUNY campuses. It worked out GREAT for me. I'm back home now, have been for 14 years now, and my music career is, well, I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. I have some options. Move to LA and try to break into film or television. Or I could move to Nashville and work my way into Contemporary Christian music. Or help put a band together and go on tour. I can do any number of things, but that would also mean displacing my family and taking too many risks that might not even be worth it.

Point being you can try taking the risk to move elsewhere IF it might be worth it. I had good luck with college, maybe I could recreate that in the professional world. Maybe Marknis could do better moving somewhere else.

The problem with moving out...well, there are a few problems. For one, the aforementioned risk. A young, single, unattached guy really has nothing to lose, whereas MY decisions affect too many people for me to be careless.

The other big problem with moving away is that you don't give yourself a chance to bloom where you're planted. I could conceivably get a solid career going HERE and THEN move to Nashville upon being offered a steady gig. If I'm struggling HERE, what makes me think I could make it in Nashville? Same thing with Marknis and the gf situation. If he's having problems with girls where he IS, why does he think his problems wouldn't follow him when he moves?

I realize I'm getting repetitive here. Redneck/Bible Belt girls are NOT clones of each other. In my classroom, I have 12 girls. Demographics are black, white, and biracial, grades 7-10, lower to upper middle class with one farmer's daughter with attitude to match. Not a single one of those girls are anything alike. My guitar player is a girl who can legitimately brag about her ability to skin a beaver (I can't make this up). Another girl rides horses in rodeos and wins prize money from that. Some of them like anime and are surprised that I can discuss anime, too. Some of them listen to country music. Some like gospel music, some like CCM, or a mix of both. Some wear makeup, some don't. Some have natural hair, some have weave. Understanding that these are kids I'm talking about, who they are seems to change every day. But the point is they are not cookie-cutter kids, and their parents aren't cookie-cutter parents. One of the fathers I deal with is an investigator with a sheriff's department and is one of the most humble guys I know--and he's a big time redneck guy.

I realize my demographics aren't a snapshot of ALL Bible Belt demographics. I've lived in different places, enough to know who cruel and backwards SOME populations can be. My first teaching gig was in a place like that. Absolutely miserable people. But that place was not so isolated I couldn't drive half an hour and hang out with other people.

But even if I HAD been stuck there, it takes time to get to know folks and try to understand them. It's the Golden Rule. Reciprocity. People are greedy, selfish, and want to feel important. Once you focus on PEOPLE, you begin to see that they really aren't all alike. It's really simple. You meet a girl, you find out what she likes to do. Then you immerse yourself in HER interests. Find some way to incorporate yourself into that area of her life. You don't have to be interested in those kinds of things when you first meet her. As long as you are interested in HER, you will BECOME interested in her kinds of things. And when you're really into that, she'll take interest in you. Apply the Golden Rule. In order to be interesting, you must first BE INTERESTED. If she likes tractors, then you need to learn all you can about tractors. Heck, if she knows a lot about tractors because she's fascinated by tractors, get her to tell you all she can about them. Ask questions. Keep her talking. She won't leave you alone for very long after that, and at the very least you'll have a good friend.

You can say that you don't want to integrate into the culture. But if you can't care about other people where they are, you can't reasonably expect to get very far with them.