Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

FunkyPunky
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 14 Aug 2017
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 349

23 Oct 2017, 10:49 am

I feel like I've talked to and/or been rejected by every single woman in my area and there's nobody left now. But there's still one group I haven't made any contact with: single moms. I always avoided them because I feel like hhaving a serious relationship with them will mean I'm in a way acting as their kid's dad too and I'm not ready to be a dad. But if there's really nobody left then should I maybe start considering going out with them?



BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 8,488

23 Oct 2017, 10:52 am

I know two guys who have good relationships with single moms. I think both relationships are over 10 years old and still going. Though neither of them are Aspies.



FunkyPunky
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 14 Aug 2017
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 349

23 Oct 2017, 10:54 am

And what is their relationship with their kids?



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

23 Oct 2017, 10:58 am

You really have to like kids in order for these sorts of relationships to work.

The mother, and the kid/kids are really a "package deal," and is referred as such by many mothers.



FunkyPunky
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 14 Aug 2017
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 349

23 Oct 2017, 11:02 am

I like kids. I just don't think I'm ready to have one of my own yet. So if I start dating a single mom will I be adopting that kid as my own?



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

23 Oct 2017, 11:06 am

My gf is a single mom of 3 daughters but I have no relationship with them since she is foreigner and the kids live in their home country.

I told her from day 1 that I am not intending to be a dad replacement because I am not ready for a such sudden experience (and their dad still lives); and she reassured me that she's not seeking for that nor for a marriage.

The idea of becoming a dad figure overnight for three teen girls is quite scary.

Generally speaking, it is always a concern though. I won't deny that dating a childfree woman is an advantage and gives you more peace of mind.



AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

23 Oct 2017, 11:15 am

FunkyPunky wrote:
I like kids. I just don't think I'm ready to have one of my own yet. So if I start dating a single mom will I be adopting that kid as my own?

Legally, no. Practically, yes.

Personally, it’s just not for me. I wouldn’t do it. Part of it is mothers technically have a duty to their babydaddies to share some amount of responsibility for their children. I don’t want to “share” my gf, and it’s ridiculous to be expected to. I don’t want another man in her life, but that’s exactly what it is.

If he’s dead or otherwise out of the picture, then we can talk. But otherwise, divorced and single moms are off my menu.

Now, casually DATING is something else. I could date outside my race, outside my religion, and she could have 30 kids or even grandkids for all I really care. But hanging out at a cafe/bar/restaurant/mini-golf/trampoline park for a couple of hours on the weekend isn’t the same as a marriage proposal. Long term, I’m gonna be a bit pickier.

What you should consider is what your purpose is in dating. I prefer simply never having to spend the entire weekend alone. Start with that and open yourself to any or all possibilities, or at least those that aren’t life-threatening, and just see what happens.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

23 Oct 2017, 11:18 am

No...it doesn't mean you have to be a "dad" to these kids.

But it does mean you have to realize that the mother needs to attend to the kids quite a bit. This might affect her relationship with you.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

23 Oct 2017, 11:32 am

It would be ridiculous to expect her kids not to be a priority more than you, that's natural - actually you should be more worried if she neglects them.

The real concern is if she sees you as a provider replacement.



BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 8,488

23 Oct 2017, 12:00 pm

In one case they got together as a family pretty quickly. In the other, which is more Aspie like, the introduction the guy to the kids didn't occur until they were a couple for at least a year, maybe longer. In both cases the woman had a good pretty good job. I suppose I'd know more if I were good at small talk.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

23 Oct 2017, 1:39 pm

I’m not good enough for them, as I can’t provide for them and their kids, so they don’t want me like most women, but with more reasons.
Few have liked me though o.0

I don’t want them either. They won’t have time for the type of relationship I want and need. Also kids are disgusting. Sure they cute but they do the most disgusting things. And I don’t want to be attacked in bed at night cause her ex doesn’t like that she has another guy around her kids.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

23 Oct 2017, 2:00 pm

Like others said, it really depends on the relationship with the children. Maybe when you’re a bit older you will be more open to it.

If you meet a lovely person, it might be less of an issue for you.

Good luck.