is a date still a date if its not called a date before....

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....hand or shortly after the supposed date?

basicly here the story

friend of mine and i were disscussing relationships and came to subject of dating

and in middle i mentioned how realy wouldnt know much becuz ive only dated one girl

after saying the name of the girl whom i went out on a date with my friend out of nowwhere says "well we went out once"

i asked, when and began to tell me about the onetime we went to the movies and saw angels and demons(good movie btw)

now i remember that night and never was it said that, that it was a date, but according to her it was, anyway shes alittle upset with me, and im as normal confused about whole thing

so is common for people to actualy label an outing as a date before hand or is it done after the event?

becuz i honestly thought it was said in advance but with this whole sittuation im beginning to wonder if im wrong

people often don't use the label at all. i've done a lot of 'dating', but i've never been on an official 'date'.

Sorry, Angels and Demons is NOT a good film

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdKWoi0PMWg

Going out with someone does not automatically mean dating, but it could be. It matters what goes on during the date.

Whatever you do, don't mention the words "date" or "go out" before you spend time with your date or the person you are going out with.

I'll go with rage comic wisdom with this one. If you paid for her it was a date regardless of what she thinks. Girls should already know this too. Even if she only likes you as a friend it is still a date. Friend's don't usually pay for one another like that. If she allows you to pay the first time you ever go out alone (even if you offer) and doesn't consider it a date then she probably isn't someone worth pursuing.

The comic goes something like this. The guy asks a girl out to dinner. He mentions that he is having a good time and the girl agrees and says "I'm glad we're such good friends". The guy then promptly tells her that he hopes she brought her wallet and then stands up and leaves. *insert FOREVER ALONE face*.

Edit: I misread part of the OP in my insomia stupor...feel free to disregard my opinion.

Hard to say. I always thought a date was between two people. I've never been in a situation where I was out with a guy and someone else. However, before I went out with a guy, he would ask me if I wanted to "hang out;" he didn't call it a "date." It depends on how you look at it. It also depends on the situation. Most likely, you, your friend, and the girl were just hanging out.

I am trying to stop thinking about dating as something rigid with clear rules of protocol and what not. Simply put, any time I meet with someone it can have romantic overtones that I completely miss. I see my friends getting girls without going on any organized date and get frustrated because I don't understand the leap from wanting someone around to being intimate with them (a function of the organized dates is what I thought established this, not true apparently...).

I feel like organized dating is the end result of social ques that I miss, i.e. dating is like step 5 in a 20 step process. I need to develop my abilities to hold up conversations that I have no interest in with people that I wouldn't normally tolerate. I figure I am at least 10 years behind in that regard... but I am getting a lot better.

Do you have any friends who are good with girls/guys and are aware of your AS? They would be great resources to help you isolate your strengths and weaknesses in social interactions. Keep up in a conversation with them, any conversation. It takes practice, man... just gotta do it.

Bison

I think that's a bit of a generalization...I love to spontaneously spring for meals/drinks with people when I can afford it, and I do it for plain old friends and romantic interests alike. The money = date ('regardless of what she thinks') has the overtones of a transaction, and the sense of entitlement that comes along with it. And that stuff has no place in a healthy relationship.

I dunno, I didn't call my crepe, "crepe", but it looked and tasted like a crepe anyways.

It is and you are a pretty awesome person for doing that, but I personally think that if you go out with someone and pay it is a date. It could be a friendly date to see if there is anything else there or an actual "date" date, but it is a date in my personal opinion. All of this is really just semantics anyway. When I posted that I thought it was the girl that didn't think it was a date. It's really only an issue when one person thinks that it's a date but the other person doesn't and still takes advantage of it. No one would want to take someone out several times just to find out that the other person didn't consider them dates and just wanted the free food. NT women can take advantage of us Aspies pretty easily if we let them.

There is no entitlement or transaction and you should want to do it. Just because it is a date doesn't mean that anyone is required to do anything other than show up. I guess the best way to deal with this subject would be to establish what an outing actually is before it happens.

Disclaimer: I'll be the first to admit we're analyzing semantics here, but that's what the thread was started about, so I don't feel guilty!

I think of a "date" as a pre-planned activity with another person with whom there is any degree (even if it's just potential) mutual romantic interest.

Haha and you shouldn't. Semantics are awesome . I agree completely with that definition but I know some people might be inclined to disagree just because they didn't enjoy the date or something.

true true, ive hung out with this friend alot over my life and most of the time it is just two of us

but i guess at one point or time she must hav thought that one of our "outings" was done was this "mutual romantic interest" u speak of

basicly its seems to me that most people asume something is a date without ever verbally aknowledging it untill maybe long after the event/activity has passed

funny u say that cuz the one girl i count as i have dated, i asked her the first two dates if we wanted to call them "dates" and on the third she inquired if we wanted to call it a "date" aswell even though wasnt going to even bother bringing it up that time

maybe it's just me, but does anyone else feel like the standard style of communication between people as getting more and more passive/less straightforward as time goes on? time and time again, people are taken aback (sometimes in a good way, occasionally not) when i address issues or questions in a straightforward manner. like, even with something as simple as "I don't know what that means, could you explain it to me?" instead of nodding and pretending you understand everything a person talks at you about.

Definitions are becoming nebulous too. I once asked for clarification as to which was a date: meeting up one-to-one with a woman you've just met, in order to get to know them as a friend, or meeting up one-to-one with a woman you've just met, because you fancy each other and want to pursue a relationship? I consider the latter as a date but the former just socialising. However, it seems in most people's eyes that both situations are a date. No wonder people get confused if there is no clear distinction.