Trying to accept my singlehood

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I am trying to accept my singlehood. I realize constantly thinking about not having a girlfriend only brings me pain and suffering. But I still have a hard time because I hate how this year didn't go the way I wanted it to go and trying new things only brought disappointment to me. I still feel empty and discouraged about things ever becoming different. I need to be in the moment but my mind either gets pulled towards the past or thrown into the future.

Hmmmmm.....

Try being realistic goal oriented. Ask what you can do, not what you cannot. :yoda:

Darn, no yoda smiley.

Relax man, there is more in life than that.

Do what I do, be glad you exist. You are not in Africa you are just doomed to die alone like me lol.

I know there is more to life. I just don't want to feel like the last 11 years of my life were for nothing.

If it's any consolation, you'll have more time to browse the web by yourself. Girlfriends always cut into one's weekend alone time. Like most people you're probably surrounded by other people at work so the weekend could by your only chance to be in peace with your thoughts (and YouTube).

Great thread title & balanced OP, IMO.

Me, too.

I've had this discussion with a close friend recently, too. I have this eternal internal debate & struggle with my singleness. Everyone wants what they can't have, so, I want a relationship. However, I know I cannot force one to happen and it has to be a mutual thing that just happens when it does for people. There have been others interested in me that I'm not into in that way, and I've had intense crushes on others that weren't that sort of interested in me, so, it's never happened. Yet, at least.

In discussing it with my friend I disclosed that I often feel like I should avoid any potential of being in a relationship due to my ASD symptoms, even as minimized as they often are, because I feel like I shouldn't bring anyone else down with the way that I am. He told me "No.. you can't give up." I let him know I'll always struggle with this internally, but that I have no set agenda of seeking a relationship & I'll try not to be so negative about the potential of one happening in the future.

As for your bit about being Present, I agree. We all need to be more present vs. depressed thinking about the past or anxious thinking about the future.. however, I've found that setting some very long term goals for the future is something that helps keep me more focused and present in the here and now and doing the small things I need to every day to eventually accomplish much larger goals. It gives me a sense of purpose. Something to live for, strive for. Something that has nothing to do with a relationship (my aspirations are academic - I intend to return to studies part time at first, make the grade, and eventually go back to University full time in the future) that gives me something different to really want out of life & feel fulfilled. Yes, I fully acknowledge that it's a distraction from my relationship desires.. but, it's a beautiful distraction and a very real goal to work towards. Who knows, I might just meet someone along my journey who's compatible with all of my Aspie quirks. Or maybe not, but at least with having totally different long term goals that have nothing to do with a relationship I'll keep myself busy accomplishing & achieving something vs. sitting around spending time and energy on useless thoughts that get me absolutely nothing but stressed out over things I can't control. It may not be the best or perfect thing to do, but, it's a better option IMO and until I come up with an even better one I'm going to stay the course.

My therapist did admit to me she doesn't really know what it's like to be in my situation. I always see couples around me nearly wherever I go and it makes me wonder what is so wrong with me that I can't have what they have, especially if I see a non-standard couple here in the Bible Belt.

I was always told my 20's were going to be better than my teens and college was where I was going to find a girlfriend. Well, my 20's have been my worst years and college was no different than high school.

Some of us just don't have what women want. Not much to be done about it, just try not to dwell on it too much.

This isn't helping you accept your singlehood. You won't enjoy your 30s if you keep focusing on what you don't have.

I know that listing the good things in your life is a cliché that you've probably heard before but believe me, it works.

Yes, and usually the problem of the single aspies is not the AS btw. From what I noticed here, some of us lack the basic things (looks, job, height, maturity, sexual experience...etc).

AS is something that may turn off women later into the relationship but it’s not what makes women for example not to ogle in life at us or to ignore us in dating apps...etc

So that's why they dump me after a few weeks.

I can get their attention, I just have to be less aspie.

I sometimes feel like I am human waste because I am not "new" anymore. I feel like a malfunctioning machine that needs to be destroyed or a failed experiment that will be dumped into the sewer.

What's so baf about being older and wiser? You have more knowledge and capabilities than you did when you were 20.

I missed out on learning how to date and achieving the talents for the things I wish I was good at in my developmental years. I am not an overlooked voice but a waste of flesh.