In love with my best friend

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I am very deeply in love with my best friend of 12 years. Last year, she got engaged. Unsurprisingly, I was devastated.

I’m trying to move on, but I don’t know how. Her friendship means the world to me too, and I can’t lose that.

Has anybody overcome a similar situation? Or have advice? Feel free to let me know if more details would be helpful.

This is a difficult situation for you. Do you have a lot of contact with your friend now that she's engaged?
Sometimes it's easier to have less contact while you try to move on.
Best of luck with this.

We’ve agreed to have a little less direct contact, but we keep in touch. I miss her so much.

Try to be happy for her. Want the best for her. Want her to be happy, even if it's not with you.
It's a hard thing to do.

I’m trying, but I’m in so much pain, and I feel like it’s always going to hurt.

As someone that went through a similar situation over a year ago, I can say from experience that the pain doesn't go away. The only thing I've learned to do is to keep my emotions hidden so people don't worry about me, but it still hurts just as much as before. If you truly love her, then your desire for her to be happy will outweigh your desire to be with her.

Now, in your situation does she know how you feel about her? If she doesn't know it can make maintaining a friendship very difficult. However, telling her now could end the friendship, so it's best to distance yourself for a bit while you come to terms with your situation. When you are content with only being friends, then you can attempt to tell her how you feel. Be sure to make your intentions clear to her, that is the most crucial step. The purpose of telling her is to release the tension of harboring your feelings. Things will only get back to normal once everything is out in the open. It is the only way to save both your friendship and its integrity.

If she does already know and you have both come to a mutual understanding, then you are already on the right path. Just focus on feeling more comfortable with your situation and always make sure to have her best interest in mind. If everything goes accordingly, it should strengthen your friendship in the end.

If I have to live with this pain for the rest of my life, then I’ll just end my life to spare myself the suffering.

I should clarify that there is more to feeling this sort of pain than just the intensity of it. The frequency at which it occurs is also a major factor. It may be true that it still hurts just as much as before, but after a while it happens so rarely that it has a significantly lower impact. I won't lie to you, it will be rough at the start and it will be a constant weight on your mind. You have to be strong through this now, otherwise you might cut your life short for nothing. The amount of time you will spend going through this is an insignificant fraction compared to the rest of your life. I've been told many times before that things would get better, but no one even tried to explain why. So, I hope you will at least consider what I have said, because this was something that I needed to hear a while back. It will get better, and I believe it helps a lot more to explain why then to simply make an empty statement. One last piece of advice, it helps a lot to keep talking to someone about what you're going through. Keeping thoughts to yourself will only intensify the burden, and it will be that much more difficult to get through this.

I’ve been going through this for 7 years, and the engagement happened a year and a half ago. I’ve tried therapy, medication (with frequent adjustments), and talking with friends. As time goes on, the enormity of what all of this means becomes clearer and clearer, and the pain becomes deeper.

I’ve tried to move on. I’ve dated plenty of people and tried to form an emotional connection. It’s always ended in failure.

I deserve better than just continued suffering.

I’m *trying* to learn how to cope. But the stuff I’ve learned has been helpful in the slightest.

I’ve accepted that. But acceptance doesn’t make what I feel go away or any less real. It doesn’t give me a way forward. I’m not saying I shouldn’t accept it, but acceptance without a way forward doesn’t mean much.

And that’s where I am now. I have this huge part of me ripped out of me. Being in love with her while she was with somebody else hurt, obviously. But at the same time, when you can draw the strength to get through the day, to get through adversity from how you feel about somebody, you can at least know that what you feel is real and good. Now I have to find a way to get rid of those same feelings that gave me that strength.

Did you ask her out 12 years ago? If you did you can be celebrating your 5th wedding anniversary now.

She got engaged to someone else. You misread his posts.