I don't know what to tell him....HELP!

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Joined: 14 Jun 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 205
Location: UK

17 Jan 2018, 6:41 pm

Hello,

I have been chatting with someone I met on a dating site and we have been getting on really well. We haven't met yet for one reason or another and have agreed to wait a few more weeks. However, he is asking again why I'm off work at the moment and if it is through choice. So he has got me to the point of saying I'm off work because I'm off sick. So now he is asking why I'm off work sick. It is not really a conversation I want to get into before meeting face to face, if at all to be honest. We did speak about mental health earlier today just by pure coincidence but I don't want to lay it all on him about my anxiety, depression and ASD. I'm in a much better place now than I was a little while ago and I don't want to scare him off. I think I have put him off for tonight because of how late it is but I know tomorrow he will probably be probing for more answers. So what do I do? How do I put him off without seeming like I'm being cagey? I would like to tell him at some stage about having ASD but I don't think now is the time. I want him to get to know me for me, which he has been doing. I don't want to ruin all of that. I need some advice....

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I'm working with ASD, generalised anxiety disorder and recurrent depression and they frequently kick my ***

kraftiekortie
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17 Jan 2018, 8:26 pm

If you don't want to tell the guy anything, you don't have to tell him.

Tell him something like: "I don't know you well enough to convey to you my entire life story. We haven't even met in person, after all."

honeymiel
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17 Jan 2018, 10:56 pm

100% tell him that you'd need to know him better before discussing your health issues with him. That lets him know that you have some struggles, which is a fair thing to flag for him, but it also sets a boundary. If he doesn't respect your boundaries, get rid of him. Don't disclose just because he's pressuring you - that would be absurd. Your comfort is more important than his desire to have his questions answered. It's great that he wants to know more about you, but people need to earn the right to sensitive information.

CloudClimber
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17 Jan 2018, 11:01 pm

honeymiel wrote:

Totally agree. Strangers asking for personal information is irritating.

LostGirI
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18 Jan 2018, 7:47 am

Thanks guys, that's very helpful

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I'm working with ASD, generalised anxiety disorder and recurrent depression and they frequently kick my ***

The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jan 2018, 8:31 am

Tell him that you are currently unemployed, as simple as that?

LostGirI
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18 Jan 2018, 10:59 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Tell him that you are currently unemployed, as simple as that?

But that would be a blatant lie and nt a good way to start any kind of friendship or relationship

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I'm working with ASD, generalised anxiety disorder and recurrent depression and they frequently kick my ***

The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jan 2018, 1:47 pm

LostGirI wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Tell him that you are currently unemployed, as simple as that?

But that would be a blatant lie and nt a good way to start any kind of friendship or relationship

Then maybe I didn’t understand your main post?

Aren’t you currently really unemployed now? What would you describe your employement status?

LostGirI
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18 Jan 2018, 1:49 pm

I have a job....but I am off sick at the moment

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I'm working with ASD, generalised anxiety disorder and recurrent depression and they frequently kick my ***

Anngables
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18 Jan 2018, 8:08 pm

Just say “it’s something I don’t want to talk about at the moment, I hope that’s ok”

LostGirI
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19 Jan 2018, 7:46 am

Anngables wrote:

Just say “it’s something I don’t want to talk about at the moment, I hope that’s ok”

Thanks Ann

he hasn't brought it up again anywhere but at least next time I'll be prepared x

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I'm working with ASD, generalised anxiety disorder and recurrent depression and they frequently kick my ***

honeymiel
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20 Jan 2018, 2:42 am

LostGirI wrote:

I have a job....but I am off sick at the moment

You're doing better than me :lol:

I don't have a job, but I get income support from when I used to be employed full-time... so I have a full-time income while I'm at university. Try fielding questions about that! I wonder if the guy I'm seeing thinks I'm a sex worker or drug dealer... Lucky he doesn't pry much

LostGirI
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20 Jan 2018, 11:24 am

honeymiel wrote:

LostGirI wrote:

I have a job....but I am off sick at the moment

You're doing better than me :lol:

Well I don't know about that. I'm barely hanging onto it. I've been off around 9 months. When I go back it will just be on a part time basis. I am just deciding on whether to go back to my usual post or be redeployed. BUt I'm leaning towards redeployment. At least on a temporary basis anyway.

_________________
I'm working with ASD, generalised anxiety disorder and recurrent depression and they frequently kick my ***

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