Ex Got Engaged.......

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I recently found out the last woman I dated before my wife just got engaged. I always thought she was a very nice, attractive woman who was a little too close to her best friend when we were dating but I just assumed she was a nervous type. I know my mother thought she was the one and I was starting to think so at the time until she suddenly rejected me seemingly out of the blue not long after I poured my heart out to her. Turns out she is actually marrying that same best friend.

So, what came out of this?

1) By dating me and putting all my cards on the table, she realized that she just wasn't attracted to men. Therefore, I helped her confront and accept her true identity.
2) It reinforces my point that there is a reason almost all women are on dating sites for a reason as she was by far the most 'normal' one I dated other than my wife. Ironically enough this best friend was also one of my eHarmony matches even though I never dated either.
3) We Aspies are known as being utterly clueless about dating and relationships. I picked up on the fact that she was developing stronger feelings for her friend as our relationship went on and told everyone they might have a thing for each other after the breakup: my intuition was bang on.
4) I blamed myself for letting this quality match get away and ruining my best (and likely only) chance at a quality relationship with a mature, responsible, friendly woman who loved children and balanced out my introverted side. Instead, I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was NOTHING I could have done differently that would have changed anything and I did nothing wrong.
5) Getting rejected by her meant I eventually found my wife and we have been happily married since. What seemed like a failure at the time actually became one of my biggest successes. I was no longer afraid of approaching women and that failure gave me the courage to 'try again' with Mrs GHF.

I guess the best way to summarize this post is to not beat yourself up for failing or for not having a great relationship history. Often times the rejections have nothing to do with anything you did 'wrong' and can lead to far greater successes down the road.

That was a victory for the friendzone though.


Oh, but imagine if she is actually bisexual and loved you both.... and ended up in threesome relationship you both, holy cow.

At least you breaking up with her enabled you to marry the next lady.

It was more the point of how miserable this 'perfect' match would have been. Let's face it, there is no way someone who is borderline asexual who can actually marry a woman would be compatible with my..... shall we say.... interests. I like to think that she honestly tried to develop romantic feelings for me but couldn't: in hindsight it should have been obvious when I attempted to "round second" and she didn't react positively or negatively. Still, it would have been nice if she actually talked to me like an adult rather than run away without explanation: you obviously don't suddenly get interested in your childhood best friend in your mid 30s!

My point is to my fellow Aspies that many times in life things go awry and often times you did nothing improper so keep your head up and go get the next one rather than dwelling into what you went 'wrong'.

Are you more of a Jays fan than a Leafs fan?

You use lots of baseball metaphors.

I don't mean anything bad by that.

I use lots of baseball metaphors, too.

I am not a Leafs fan and definitely a Jays fan: I used the baseball metaphor since this isn't the Adult forum and I didn't want to get into any specifics of what I did: let's just say it's the kind of thing that can result in a visit from the police if done to someone on the street and previous times I did it led to a "home run". It goes back to my point: if someone is still single and has never been married at that age there is usually a very good reason for it even if you don't find it right away.

I can understand how the Leafs can piss people off. They take their fan base for granted, it seems.

Tell me about it. We have less than 20 games left and have no chance at missing the playoffs at this point, but I have seen them fuxk it up royally so many times in past years. On the bright side, it takes some joy watching the Sens fans eat crow and I live in Ottawa. I swear, every time the Sens best the Leafs, the guys on the radio act like the Sens just won the cup.


Back to the topic at hand. I don't really know what is going on with my exes either. I do know what got pregnant almost immediately after we broke up. The rest still appear to be either single or we have each other blocked on social media. I didn't have the best break ups. Sometimes instinct like hockey fan says is the best. Better to listen to it than not too at all. 9 times out 10 you are right anyway.