Self improvement to attract others

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goldfish21
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14 Feb 2018, 4:42 pm

While I've worked on myself in many different aspects for entirely different purposes, it's a nice byproduct that, in general, I appeal to more people & attract more potential dates or partners.

I know that it's really quite common that peoples' primary reason for self improvement is to attract a date/mate, so, figured this would be a good day to start a thread about that.

Sure, I've put on 5-10lbs this Winter that I need to run off, but in general I'm happier, healthier, stronger/fitter, not depressed/anxious, wealthier (let's face it, having a bit of money is attractive to others.) etc & even though it wasn't the reason I've bothered to work as hard on myself as I have & continue to do, it's simply a fact that it's made me more attractive to others.

So, how about you? What have you done and what were the results? What are you working on improving about yourself in order to be more attractive to others?

If you're not yet doing so but aren't quite getting the results you want out of your dating life, maybe this thread will inspire you to do a little self improvement of your own. Personally, I've done these things for ME, not to attract others.. but the end result is that an improved self is more attractive to others, so, if your goal is to attract someone else I highly recommend working on yourself. Diet, exercise, mental health, finances etc - all the basic common sense categories.


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yellowtamarin
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15 Feb 2018, 4:30 am

Over December & January, I did a 6 week health/fitness/mindset program. Yes, it had a nutrition guide, yes it had an exercise plan, but most importantly it focused on mindset. On discovering my values and what I need to do to be true to them and create the me that I want to be.

I'm still working on all the stuff I learned. It's an ongoing process and journey. But it got me back to a place where I was ready to date again, as I had removed myself from the dating scene as part of the process of getting back on track in general.

I 100% recommend self improvement actions, to better oneself and yep, for the byproduct of being more attractive to others :D



SteveSnow
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15 Feb 2018, 9:03 am

I'm currently working on getting back into better physical shape after an accident crippled me temporarily. The hardest part is certainly getting back into the mindset of sticking to a program. I know there are plenty of guides for exercise and diet but if anyone can recommend one that helps with mindset that would be amazing.

Like goldfish said, when you improve yourself you certainly feel better about yourself overall which can cause a chain reaction to improving other areas of your life. It's not easy but the end result is absolutely worth it.


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redrobin62
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15 Feb 2018, 11:38 am

I'm still homeless at the moment, and since my car's door doesn't lock, I can't leave everything in it and go for long walks like I've done in the past. I do plan to go back for my long walks once I'm domiciled.



goldfish21
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15 Feb 2018, 3:44 pm

SteveSnow wrote:
I'm currently working on getting back into better physical shape after an accident crippled me temporarily. The hardest part is certainly getting back into the mindset of sticking to a program. I know there are plenty of guides for exercise and diet but if anyone can recommend one that helps with mindset that would be amazing.

Like goldfish said, when you improve yourself you certainly feel better about yourself overall which can cause a chain reaction to improving other areas of your life. It's not easy but the end result is absolutely worth it.


Body for Life by Bill Phillips is super simple & incorporates some positive goal setting stuff.. however, since I've read several positive thinking self help mindset type books, I'm inclined to think you'd get more out of reading a book intended to help with mindset while doing whichever simple exercises you prefer. Fitness programs tend to be way more about diet & exercise (as they should be) vs. mindset. It's good that you acknowledge you need the mindset boost more than anything, so, if that's your constraint, pick a mindset book & go with it. I've read several and all have been good. A few of them are more geared towards mindset required for financial wealth & I've found them to be fantastic, so if you're one to want to maybe fill your head with the types of thoughts that may make you wealthier as well as more.. optimistic & productive in mind, maybe select one geared towards building wealth & kill two birds with one stone. They're full of positive mindset happy thought stuff & anecdotes, but also of how to utilize all of that stuff for the purpose of building your own little fortune throughout your life.

A few classics I've read that are both good for having a "can do," positive mindset as well as full of financial self improvement advice:

https://www.amazon.com/Science-Getting- ... 13VEG1WCV5

https://www.amazon.com/Think-Grow-Rich- ... oleon+hill

https://www.amazon.com/Richest-Man-Baby ... 13VEG1WCV5

After all, personal improvement tends to be rather well rounded & reach all aspects of your life.. diet, exercise, mindset, finances etc vs. focusing on one aspect as if it were completely compartmentalized.


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Loner269
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15 Feb 2018, 6:17 pm

Improvement is only required of men these days. A woman can be a jobless fat slob and men are supposed to accept her as is or they are misogynist pigs. Also, with women nabbing more and more jobs these days cause of gender policies, it's getting harder and harder to impress them as a man is always supposed to earn more.

Anyone with a little brain capacity realizes MGTOW is the only way to go any more.



SteveSnow
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16 Feb 2018, 9:03 am

Goldfish thank you very much for the advice, it can be hard to know what to look for when self-help is a massive wall of various kinds. I'll certainly be checking out those amazon suggestions!


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goldfish21
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16 Feb 2018, 2:45 pm

Loner269 wrote:
Improvement is only required of men these days. A woman can be a jobless fat slob and men are supposed to accept her as is or they are misogynist pigs. Also, with women nabbing more and more jobs these days cause of gender policies, it's getting harder and harder to impress them as a man is always supposed to earn more.

Anyone with a little brain capacity realizes MGTOW is the only way to go any more.


This isn't true.

Successful, fit, healthy, wealthy Alpha type heterosexual men I know still have the pick of the cream of the crop in terms of women. While some of those women are ungrateful for the lifestyle their partner affords them, they still have an obligation to maintain/improve themselves - especially in terms of health and fitness, as their partners aren't interested in being with someone who isn't fit & active.

Further, for men of lower socioeconomic status than my fit wealthy friends, there's nothing that says you have to accept a "jobless fat slob," of a girlfriend. You're still free to be selective & ought to be if you're not attracted to someone.


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goldfish21
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16 Feb 2018, 2:52 pm

SteveSnow wrote:
Goldfish thank you very much for the advice, it can be hard to know what to look for when self-help is a massive wall of various kinds. I'll certainly be checking out those amazon suggestions!


You're very welcome. I hope you read 'em & report back what you thought of them. 8)

The first is a short read, but very valuable. It's quite upbeat, almost fanciful in it's message of the Universe delivering the resourcing into your life that you'll utilize. I've read it twice I think, and it's one I'd read again, too - and that's saying something as I don't think I've ever read another book even twice, ever. It's ~90 pages and a nice positive reminder of how to go about life & finances in order to build yourself up.

The second was written in 1937 & contains several short stories of examples of people building wealth in various ways, never giving up etc. Also very, very, good.

The third is a short novel that was developed out of a bank brochure in the early 1900's.. people loved the very short story so much the author turned it into a book. It follows the daily life of a man in the richest city in the world at the time (Babylon) & how his regular financial, and other, habits will eventually take him from poverty to wealth by very simple actions made daily, compounded over his life time. As a story, it's a really captivating way to learn about money management & personal finance as well as a few life lessons.


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RetroGamer87
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17 Feb 2018, 9:13 am

I get that self-improvement can make a person more attractive. What surprises me is that some people resist the idea.


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sly279
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17 Feb 2018, 4:22 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
I get that self-improvement can make a person more attractive. What surprises me is that some people resist the idea.

Being able to walk would make a person in a wheel chair more attractive but thy still can’t walk. Likewise lots of disabled people can’t improve their situation.
I can’t work full time no amount of being told it’ll make me more attractive wilmhelp as I can’t do it.



goldfish21
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17 Feb 2018, 5:04 pm

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
I get that self-improvement can make a person more attractive. What surprises me is that some people resist the idea.

Being able to walk would make a person in a wheel chair more attractive but thy still can’t walk. Likewise lots of disabled people can’t improve their situation.
I can’t work full time no amount of being told it’ll make me more attractive wilmhelp as I can’t do it.


In general, yes, being able to walk would open up a lot of dating doors to someone in a wheelchair.

There are some disabled people who cannot improve their situation, but there are many more who simply believe they cannot. I'm very fortunate to personally know other disabled people (besides myself) who have done amazing jobs of improving themselves and their lot in life.

Alisa has muscular dystrophy and has been in a wheelchair her whole life pretty much. She wasn't supposed to live passed being a teenager. She's endured many surgeries and difficulties while remaining upbeat. She's personally raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for MD research. She may have had some self doubt when she asked on FB a couple years ago if we thought she could be a teacher.. and I told her if Stephen Hawking could teach the whole world, she could teach a classroom no problem. She's going to University now to study to become a teacher & just a day or two ago turned 22 years old.

Mark is deaf. ~18 years ago when we graduated high school together he thought he'd be doomed to stocking grocery store shelves at night or something. I encouraged him to get an education and do w/e he wants. He's a programmer for the federal government, but also had a couple small businesses online - one of which he's worked diligently on for about 12 years now. He took a couple years off from his day job to expand his business by buying a building & setting it up as an R&D shop that employs ~12 people full time, mostly electronic & software engineers, developing more and more products for his global network of distributors to sell. He has way deeper pockets than me, and in a few short years once all the R&D money he's been pouring into product development turns into saleable products, he'll very quickly become a multimillionaire.

Gayle has struggled with obesity & depression for her entire adult life (she must be close to 60yo now) but a handful of years ago she got a real kick right in the health points when she contracted some virus that ended up infecting her spine & causing partial paralysis. She spent most of a couple years' time getting dozens of rounds of intravenous meds & doing rehab exercises in a famous rehab centre in Vancouver (GF Strong). Doctors told her she would probably never walk again. She didn't much care for that prognosis. When she's healthy, she walks around now, with a walker - and some short distances without. She's currently waiting to have some IV port surgery done to rectify something so she can continue with another 60 rounds of IV drugs for whatever's infecting her now.. but still, she maintains a relatively positive & upbeat persona on Facebook instead of dwelling on any negatives whatsoever, no matter how difficult or frustrating her path is. She'll get better again and be back to walking about, even if it has to be assisted by a walker or cane.

Maybe you're 100% correct that you can't work full time right now, sly, but that doesn't have to ring true forever. Personal improvement, bit by bit, is 100% possible for every single human being on this planet - yourself included. All you really need to succeed in this life is a fighting chance & the will to fight. Combine those two and you can do anything you set your mind to. It may take a long time to get to that point, but so what? If you Want to be able to work full time for whatever reason, whether to make more money for self serving quality of life reasons, or to be more attractive to others, then you Can do it. You just have to set your eyes on that prize and work towards it no matter how long it takes. Just like someone who's gained too much weight, it takes a long time to get out of shape.. and should be expected to take a long time to get back into shape. Same same for mental health, sly. It's taken a long time for you to get to the point of believing your depressive thoughts that you cannot do things, and it'll take a long time to overcome those thoughts as well as get your body & mind balanced again to the point that you can do more in this life. You've just got to put in the work to do the self improvement things required along the way to get there. And we will be here to encourage you to just keep moving forward, too.


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Last edited by goldfish21 on 17 Feb 2018, 5:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.

kraftiekortie
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17 Feb 2018, 5:06 pm

If you can work part-time in retail, you can work full-time in an office.



RetroGamer87
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17 Feb 2018, 5:43 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
If you can work part-time in retail, you can work full-time in an office.

That's for sure. My full-time office job is probably less tiring than 4 hours per day of retail. At least I get to sit down most of the time.


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RetroGamer87
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17 Feb 2018, 5:44 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Alisa has muscular dystrophy and has been in a wheelchair her whole life pretty much. She wasn't supposed to live passed being a teenager. She's endured many surgeries and difficulties while remaining upbeat. She's personally raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for MD research. She may have had some self doubt when she asked on FB a couple years ago if we thought she could be a teacher.. and I told her if Stephen Hawking could teach the whole world, she could teach a classroom no problem. She's going to University now to study to become a teacher & just a day or two ago turned 22 years old.

Mark is deaf. ~18 years ago when we graduated high school together he thought he'd be doomed to stocking grocery store shelves at night or something. I encouraged him to get an education and do w/e he wants. He's a programmer for the federal government, but also had a couple small businesses online - one of which he's worked diligently on for about 12 years now. He took a couple years off from his day job to expand his business by buying a building & setting it up as an R&D shop that employs ~12 people full time, mostly electronic & software engineers, developing more and more products for his global network of distributors to sell. He has way deeper pockets than me, and in a few short years once all the R&D money he's been pouring into product development turns into saleable products, he'll very quickly become a multimillionaire.

Gayle has struggled with obesity & depression for her entire adult life (she must be close to 60yo now) but a handful of years ago she got a real kick right in the health points when she contracted some virus that ended up infecting her spine & causing partial paralysis. She spent most of a couple years' time getting dozens of rounds of intravenous meds & doing rehab exercises in a famous rehab centre in Vancouver (GF Strong). Doctors told her she would probably never walk again. She didn't much care for that prognosis. When she's healthy, she walks around now, with a walker - and some short distances without. She's currently waiting to have some IV port surgery done to rectify something so she can continue with another 60 rounds of IV drugs for whatever's infecting her now.. but still, she maintains a relatively positive & upbeat persona on Facebook instead of dwelling on any negatives whatsoever, no matter how difficult or frustrating her path is. She'll get better again and be back to walking about, even if it has to be assisted by a walker or cane.

Are these people real or hypothetical?


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goldfish21
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17 Feb 2018, 6:07 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Alisa has muscular dystrophy and has been in a wheelchair her whole life pretty much. She wasn't supposed to live passed being a teenager. She's endured many surgeries and difficulties while remaining upbeat. She's personally raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for MD research. She may have had some self doubt when she asked on FB a couple years ago if we thought she could be a teacher.. and I told her if Stephen Hawking could teach the whole world, she could teach a classroom no problem. She's going to University now to study to become a teacher & just a day or two ago turned 22 years old.

Mark is deaf. ~18 years ago when we graduated high school together he thought he'd be doomed to stocking grocery store shelves at night or something. I encouraged him to get an education and do w/e he wants. He's a programmer for the federal government, but also had a couple small businesses online - one of which he's worked diligently on for about 12 years now. He took a couple years off from his day job to expand his business by buying a building & setting it up as an R&D shop that employs ~12 people full time, mostly electronic & software engineers, developing more and more products for his global network of distributors to sell. He has way deeper pockets than me, and in a few short years once all the R&D money he's been pouring into product development turns into saleable products, he'll very quickly become a multimillionaire.

Gayle has struggled with obesity & depression for her entire adult life (she must be close to 60yo now) but a handful of years ago she got a real kick right in the health points when she contracted some virus that ended up infecting her spine & causing partial paralysis. She spent most of a couple years' time getting dozens of rounds of intravenous meds & doing rehab exercises in a famous rehab centre in Vancouver (GF Strong). Doctors told her she would probably never walk again. She didn't much care for that prognosis. When she's healthy, she walks around now, with a walker - and some short distances without. She's currently waiting to have some IV port surgery done to rectify something so she can continue with another 60 rounds of IV drugs for whatever's infecting her now.. but still, she maintains a relatively positive & upbeat persona on Facebook instead of dwelling on any negatives whatsoever, no matter how difficult or frustrating her path is. She'll get better again and be back to walking about, even if it has to be assisted by a walker or cane.

Are these people real or hypothetical?


They are all real people in my life.

Alisa lives with her family a couple adjoined cities over from me. Her stepfather grew up in the same small town as my father & that's how we know them.

Mark is my high school best friend & I'm God father to his 2 children. He lives 7km or so from me.

Gayle is a long time family friend of my mother's family & I grew up with her kids along with my cousins. She lives on Gabriola Island now, a ferry ride away from the Vancouver area.

You're welcome to creep my Facebook as they're all on there. Alisa & Gayle's stories are 100% verifiable via FB posts. Mark, OTOH, is far too busy working to bother with posting sweet f**k all on FB - but you can click on over to his business' website and confirm what he does for a living: http://www.malonetuning.com


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