I Have An Obsession With My Love Interest

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I think that I am in love with someone, but I have a borderline obsession with him.

I have always had people based obsessions, but usually with celebrities. I get fixated on certain people, usually men (I am female), and they are all I think about.

I met my current love interest online. We have a lot in common and talk often. He may also be autistic. He lives in Finland and I live in England. I am obsessed with making him like me. I want to emulate him and be like him in every way. The distance between us and the fact that I can't have him only makes my love stronger. I am afraid that he will find out about my obsession and that I will scare him away.

I wondered if this is a common thing among people with autism. Can anyone relate to this? Does anyone have any advice?

It’s a common thing among people, period.

It’s life, in a nutshell.

Is this your first love?

Deairing to make him like you is unhealthy. You need to meet someone closer to home. If he likes you back, drop the obsession, sack up and get an airline ticket. Take out a loan first for your trip though, you'll need it there. Helsinki is beautiful. Go to Alko and have a stout in the park or try the restaurants.

She probably can’t drink in Finland.

Tequila is right. You can’t “make” him like you.

Ah, she has to be 18.

Just be your kind, virtuous self, and he'll enjoy you.

If you get argumentative over every little thing, he won't enjoy you.

If you disagree with something the guy says, don't get all upset about it. Discuss it.

Disagreements are inevitable; we are individuals.

I am not usually a celebrity enthusiast, but I do like certain tennis players. I admire Denis Istomin because of all that he overcame to succeed on the ATP tour. He's also a nice man and seems very intelligent and friendly in his interviews. I would love to meet him and write his story. It is a dream of mine.

They grunt very loudly as they sprint about. I'm sure a bit of it's for effect but it adds to the experience. I was always awful at it. Good to watch when one is idle.

I second what Tequila said. The thing about long-distance relationships is that they require significantly more effort as opposed to "close-distance" ones, especially with the lack of a physical aspect. Which is also why meeting in person ASAP is extremely important.

Do consider, however, the fact that making someone like you is an evil thing to do and is bound to do more damage than benefit either party.

I don't think she meant that she wanted to literally "make" the guy like her. Like put a spell on him or something.

I feel she meant she wanted to "make the guy like her" through making a good impression.

I think people obsessions are particularly common for those on the spectrum. I had my fair share until I was about your age, at which point I realised falling so hard for people without being relatively sure they like you back is playing with fire. For me, none if the 'people obsessions' ever liked me back and the last one ending in rejection was the straw that broke the camel's back.

The emotional investment you put into someone via obsessing over them turns around and bites you in the arse in a big way if it turns out they don't like you back. In my experience, it's not worth putting yourself through that, and most of the time it will blow up in your face.

I only have people obsessions with love interests; both my ex girlfriends, my current, & a celeb crush. I met all 3 of my girlfriends on forums & they were all long distance before I moved in with my current. Being too obsessive is some of the reason things ended with both my exes. I became controlling & possessive & started to worry & take things out on them when I didn't hear from them for a while or something. I got on OCD & anxiety medication before I got in my current realtionship & the problems haven't been as bad but some of it may also be cuz she's kind of needy & clingy too. Being obsessive isn't necessarily a bad thing in a relationship but it can be if only one person is & the other wants more space. I think it's better to try & talk things over instead of getting upset with the other person & taking things out on them.

I've had it all: crushes obsessions infatuation and been in love a few times. Through each of these occasions I do tend to fall hard. I will share one of the times I was in love. He was a guy who I had rejected when he asked me out in high school. One day we hung out after we had graduated and I fell for him. I loved him so much I was ready to marry him when it came time (and even though I have had plenty of strong feelings for guys I wouldn't normally go that deep). However because I loved him so much I did not like bothering him especially after how in the past I tried to give him a message at work and it scared him off so I let him contact me. Fast forward to a few months or so ago we not only do not talk anymore he unfriended me. I think I messed it up in another way but I do wonder if it helped us die out because I was so passive.
I certainly would not recommend this approach. You should show your feelings. However I can see the issue of you being too obsessed. You already have a lot in common and you certainly should not wish to be like him in every way. You can desire a few of his qualities though..for example if he is assertive you might want to be more assertive because you love that about him but at that point you should not think of it as being like him but being the best version of yourself. Even if in the event you do become assertive you probably won't be assertive in the same way as him.
I don't think you have to try so hard to make him like you in your case. If you have a lot in common and you talk a lot then if you ever meet him then just be yourself. Don't kiss up to him..just enjoy the parts of him you do like and ignore/talk about the parts you don't. If there's something that bothers you about him always let him know if it seems important.