So there is one issue in my relationship...
Sweetleaf
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Well so it has come to light that my boyfriend and my brother don't get along too well. Well I am pretty close to my brother, and I won't give up having him in my life like if my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum of having to literally choose between being with him and hanging out with my brother I think we'd have to break up. But I really love him so I don't want that...but I also don't want to feel like I have too choose between him and my brother for the rest of my life. I mean I think maybe they could get along better given some time....which I hope for because I don't know what I'd do if I really litterally had to choose one or the other. Like my brother has flaws I kind of got sick of living in the same house as him myself because he can be a bit inconsiderate and plays loud music and such...but I still want him in my life even if I have moved away and we don't see each other as much. But my boyfriend doesn't really want anything to do with him...and well its hard for me. Just reminds me of past times always being between some family members or others and never knowing which side to pick, but I don't even want to pick sides....I love my boyfriend and want to be with him, I love my brother and am still going to want to spend time with him regardless of if my boyfriend gets along with him or not. I just worry about this issue becoming bigger as life goes on...like what if my brother and boyfriend never can develop a better relation.
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The_Face_of_Boo
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Sweetleaf
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Just spend some time with your brother separately.
That is what I have been doing for now, just now sure how well that will work in the long term. I mean me and my boyfriend have talked a little of marriage and if we did that my brother would become his brother in law, so yeah I guess just worried about if this little conflict cannot ever be resolved if it would become an issue in the future.
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nick007
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Just spend some time with your brother separately.
That is what I have been doing for now, just now sure how well that will work in the long term. I mean me and my boyfriend have talked a little of marriage and if we did that my brother would become his brother in law, so yeah I guess just worried about if this little conflict cannot ever be resolved if it would become an issue in the future.
One of my girlfriend's brothers doesn't like her being in a realtionship with me because she seemed happier & less stressed to him before she moved in with me. Thing is she has alot of mental & physical issues that her family overlooked when she was little & she didn't care enough to try & get them treated. I encouraged her to seek treatment because i really cared about her & was worried about her. Her brother thinks I did that because I was controlling. She was also living with her mom before she moved in with me & Cass was very dependent on her mom. Her mom moved back with her dad which is one of the reasons Cass & I moved in together when we did. Cass would almost rather be homeless than move back in with her parents cuz the place is majorly falling apart & her parents don't get along. Cass is more stressed out living with me because the apparent has problems & because I'm dependent too because of my mental & physical issues so she had to step up more than living with her parents. She lived alone for a year 1ce thou & she couldn't really handle it & barely did anything at all. She'd much rather live with me than alone. She also uses others as sounding boards to complain to. She complains about her family & other people to me & she complains about me to her family. Her brother kind of blames me as to why she's not as happy as she was but he's never really acted negatively towards me at least & I don't think he's really actively encouraging us to break up. I never spent much time with him thou. Me & Cass think of each other as if we were practically married & about the only time I see him is if there's a family function like ThanxGiving or Christmas. She spends about one weekend with him a month & she sees him when she stays with her parents which is 3 or 4 nights a month.
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Sweetleaf
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I think it is largely just clashing when we were living in the same house as my brother, like my brother likes some music my boyfriend doesn't like and would have it up loud sometimes, or maybe be in the shower when my boyfriend got home and needed one and having to sometimes pick up my brothers slack to get rent paid on time and really I think jut a build up of little things while we lived with him
Also I think my boyfriend and my brother can both be kind of stubborn people...so I think that has some to do with it to. Kind of seems a little like they are similar enough in some ways it prevents them getting along well. Also though my brother is like 23 my boyfriend is 32 so perhaps a bit of a maturity gap there as well.
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Explain your feelings to both of them, keep it short to limit room for misinterpretation, but maybe take a no nonsense attitude so that your goal doesn't get sidetracked by emotional reactions.
I would aim for tolerance of each other... it feels fake I know but I prefer it to animosity and it means everyone could be in the same room without your anxiety going into overdrive.
They might never get along, or maybe as your brother matures they will have more in common; but if they aren't keen on each other after living together, then I would aim for a relationship where they both tolerate each other for you.
Sweetleaf
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I would aim for tolerance of each other... it feels fake I know but I prefer it to animosity and it means everyone could be in the same room without your anxiety going into overdrive.
They might never get along, or maybe as your brother matures they will have more in common; but if they aren't keen on each other after living together, then I would aim for a relationship where they both tolerate each other for you.
Well another part is a while back, my brother mentioned considering breaking up with him...because he has a sh*tty landlord at his place who basically lied to him about my boyfriend sending him non-stop harassing messages. What it was, back when we were living with my brother the landlord reimbursed us for a space heater we got when the heat wasn't working. Apparently he wanted the space heater once we were through with it...so there was a whole big thing where we had to bring it back to the old place so it could be given back to the landlord. The landlord lied about my boyfriend sending harrassing messeges about this issue, which he didn't...it was a little heated but I read it and it wasn't harrasing no real abusive language and he wasn't just non-stop sending him texts he was responding to that guys texts. Anyways my brother does not think anything bad of my boyfriend now, he just got worried when that landlord over-exaggerated..because at that point he didn't know what was going on. Just seems my boyfriend does not get it was a spur of the moment reaction of my brother...and he didn't really mean it, even felt stupid after I told him what was really going on.
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The_Face_of_Boo
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Sweetleaf
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They will love each other afterward, but maybe won't love you anymore.
I think the SAW movies may give you some ideas.

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