"Fetishizing"/Not Attracted To Different Races & Ethnicities

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It's pretty well-established and widely accepted that people don't choose their sexual orientation, so why would anyone believe being attracted to/not being attracted to members of a certain race or ethnicity is a conscious choice?

It's quite common to be attracted to certain physical features and characteristics, and not attracted to others, so why would anyone think that being attracted to all races equally can or should be a trend? Different races have different distinguishing physical features, and while yes, people differ on an individual level, it's these distinguishing features that allow us to tell the races apart, and if you're not a fan of the distinguishing features of a certain race of people, it's not hard to grasp that you would be less inclined to be attracted to members of that race than another race whose distinguishing features you are drawn to. I for instance find curly hair attractive, so I am more inclined to be attracted to black women than Asian women, for instance. It's not that I think Asian women are inferior or anything like that, I just notice that it's very rare for me to find them attractive, and that's just my personal preferences coming into play.

It's not a crime to be attracted to who you're attracted to and not attracted to who you're not attracted to. It's to be expected that certain features will appeal more to certain people and less to others.

Why care about race at all? Isn’t it enough to assess each potential partner as an individual?

Sexual attraction is very important in a relationship, you can assess someone's potential to be a partner after that.
But before?
Well, unless you are asexual.

For example I am crazy about blonde hair since my age of 11. I can't imagine being attracted to an African guy nor somebody from Asia. I just don't see them as males, their masculinity is not attractive for me even if they could be the greatest partner.

I'm not saying you shouldn't do that, but if you find that you're just not attracted to members of certain races because many of the physical features of that particular race don't appeal to you, it's not inconceivable that you would be less inclined to date members of that race.

I can agree with all of this except not seeing Africans or Asians as males. Your lack of attraction towards them does not negate their status as a male. You not seeing them as potential romantic partners is your prerogative, but I wouldn't go around saying I don't see someone as a female just because I wouldn't consider them as a potential romantic partner.

I love that honesty. If something characterizes the truth, it’s that it hurts.

Honestly I think ruling out whole ethinicites from the dating pool or refusing to date other than your own is due to subconscious racism. There are attractive ones in all races.

I know my post will cause the typical “No, it’s just a personal preference” reactions - my reply would be that’s b.s; so let’s not discuss it. As spiderpig said... the truth hurts.

Look, I'd agree that not even being open to the idea of dating someone of a specific race is racist, however if you find you tend not to be physically attracted to members of a specific race, it's not necessarily racist, or at least not malevolent. I don't have any problem dating outside of my race, but there are some ethnicities that I find myself more drawn to than others. Everybody has physical characteristics that appeal to them more than others.

What would you say about someone who wasn't really interested in dating Asian women but was open to dating black women who met a half-Asian half-black woman that they were willing to date?

There are beautiful black women. There are ugly white women. There are average Asian women, etc.

Sure, but what you perceive as beautiful can be different to what someone else perceives as beautiful as well, and some place more importance on certain physical features than others in determining what is beautiful to them.

When I said I don't see them as males I meant it as I dont see them as possible mates.
Oh and I really don't mind if someone calls me racist because of my preferences. That's the easiest card to pull when you don't like someone's opinion.

No one called you racist.

Though that initial statement about Asian men not being males certainly kind off came of that way. I'd be kind of surprised if you can't see why it may have come off that way.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 25 Mar 2018, 11:47 am, edited 2 times in total.

I hate this a lot. How about we start challenging people by telling them who to be attracted to and if they can't get themselves to be attracted to that person, then we will tell them "then why do you expect people to be attracted to fat people/transpeople/black people/short people/ and so on? If you can't get yourself attracted to this person, then why are you expecting others to be attracted to those people? Don't you also think maybe they can't help it either like you can't help it?"

But why does it matter...sure maybe you find you're drawn to women of a certain ethnicity more than others, I wouldn't say there is anything wrong with that. However having a pre-requisite that a woman has to be a certain race for you to consider a date would lean more towards racism. Also, I don't think it does any good to dwell on it...I mean if anything your initial post comes of kind of defensive, like who ever said it was a crime to have attraction preferences? So I wouldn't worry too much about it or hyper-focus on it.

There are indeed pretty black women but they tend to already have a boyfriend or husband when I see them so the odds of dating them are against me. The same honestly goes for attractive women of any ethnic group.
I would've dated the cute nerdy/geeky Asian girl I saw at the park but she already had a boyfriend. The guy was what some would call a nerdy neck beard white guy but I was honestly envious of him. I also saw a fat Asian guy at college who had a thin white girlfriend. I was always told I needed to be an iron pumping alpha male if I wanted a girlfriend but my body wouldn't respond to exercise so I feel angry at the jerks who made me waste so much time.

My mother and grandmother as well as a friend of my mother's tried to set me up with some frumpy white women who I couldn't find any compatibility with. They were older than me but their IQs and personalities made me feel older, and they only had interests that were mainstream for Bible Belt women.

I think that’s racist, too, but what’s the problem? It’s both their prerogative and their loss. Why care if others decide to needlessly reduce their own chances at dating?



So you might as well assess them as individuals and stop caring about race.



I’d say I don’t give a crap.