i still love my ex-boyfriend

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it's very difficult to me to get close to people and specially to stay close with them for long and i got a real magic connection with my ex-boyfriend, but he doesn't feel the same :/ but still, we talk everyday. it's been over 2 years we met, and we hadn't stayed more than a week without talking to each other, i initiate a lot of the contact, but he also takes initiative and shares a lot about his life, and he miss me if i don't talk with him, he is always worried and he takes such a great care of me. but he insist that he doesn't love me and doesn't feel we are going to be a happy couple (which i sadly agree, but i believe i could improve. i improved a lot already). it saddens me, because although he is also my best friend i want more and it is very strong for me, it hadn't faded in all this time. twice i tried to get closer to other guys, but i couldn't. meanwhile, he also had a girlfriend, but it didn't work too.

i don't think i can get over him if we talk this often, but i also can't stop talking with him because he is my only friend. and i'm not sure if i can feed hopes that he will decide to be with me – he told me once that it isn't impossible but very unlikely, and i don't know why he says it.

I hope there comes a time when you two do get together.

But don't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't prevent yourself from finding another boyfriend, even though it's tough.

even at first i get interested in a guy (which is very rare, and very rare to get an answer too), when i start developing things i just compare them to my ex-boyfriend and lost interest. i don't think my ex-boyfriend was perfect, but he was very honest and open and i feel comfortable with him.

with other guys, there is a strange atmosphere, as i should behave in a certain way and as they are tried to impress me in some generic way i don't really care about. it doesn't feel natural. if i was 100% alone, maybe i could consider investing on it and see where it would take me, i guess at some point guys get over it... but i still have this ex-boyfriend as a friend and i don't feel like i need anyone else?

the main problem on it is that he lives very far from me, and the only reason for us to live close is actually if we decide it, and i would need a lot of his support. also, i'm very afraid if he gets in a serious relationship and don't give me attention anymore. when he had this girlfriend, it happened in a very bad time for me and he didn't give the same level of attention he used to, it was very sad.

You're stuck in the friendzone.

I wonder where that "atmosphere" comes from, and especially where people get the arcane knowledge of the script they're "supposed" to be playing.

I've always figured it's all tucked beyond some door normal people cross at some point after puberty, never to go back. Quem vai não volta jamais.

My boyfriend is Erin and we have known each other for 20+ years. He has always wanted to be a lover with me, and for years I told him that that will not happen.
To this day we are not yet lovers because of our differences.
We have had so many wonderful experiences in life yet we are like caulk and cheese. I am Aspie and he is Schizophrenic.
However, we are best friends and I know we will remain that way forever.
Dear "ltcvnzl" your ex may change his thought pattern in time to come, but who knows.
I wish you all the best and please do not be hard on yourself.
Much love.

I feel people take stereotypes on dating and try to act it on personal level, thinking that everyone is the same and expect the same. I see a lot of this happening, for example, here. On guys saying they will never get a date because they are X or Y, when things are way more complex than that. I guess it's this that happens with this guys, at least on a surface level, they want to perform this idea of a desirable man: stable, with money, dominant, etc. I feel very hard to deal with it, because I'm a very honest and vulnerable person, and I only feel comfortable with people who act the same.

Those guys I went out ALWAYS picked what we were going to do, they never allowed me to pay for my things even if I argued it. I understand he was trying to perform something he believed was desirable, he wasn't a bad person, but I honestly want to be with someone who looks at me and understands what I am and that we can just be two human beings acting like we want to, without trying to conform into something or perform a role.

If my ex-boyfriend, we decided things together, mostly we didn't plan or had any formality over what we did. Sometimes he paid things for me, sometimes I paid things for him, it wasn't a big deal. When I feel that he wasn't giving me much attention, I felt safe to saying that to him. He showed me his insecurities and problems, we can speak about everything. Everything was personal, authentic and honest.

i hope so. what makes me not so hopeful is that he lives in other country, so now we only keep contact online :/ (when we met, we also lived in different countries but closer, so we met every month). i feel sad that for us to being closer, it would be a huge compromise... i didn't even care to not being his girlfriend, i just want to see him and hug him and have him near!!

There’s a great deal of advice out there about doing just that, together with the warning that otherwise the woman will sense weakness and be put off, no longer finding the man sexually attractive. Of course, it’s mostly found in PUA and MRA circles. In fact, they say attempts by the woman to discuss those things are “s**t tests”, and what a real man does is plough through them unfazed.

I find this story particularly fascinating. Not exactly as an example for me to follow, because I’m light-years away from finding myself in a situation remotely similar, and my teeth and bones wouldn’t last long with that kind of behavior, but it’s obvious that a man who can consistently afford it in every area of his life is proving his top-notch Darwinian fitness beyond all reasonable doubt



That seems extremely hard to find, to the point that I wonder if anyone actually wants it at all. Besides, being in such a nice situation, you’d risk forgetting how tough the world is out there and being less and less prepared to deal with it.

Or maybe it’s the other way round: you have to earn it by proving to be tough enough first.

whenever i read this sort of mra texts i just feel this people are super sad and delusional. and i feel really sorry a lot of man get influenced by it because it's leading them to very sad and unfulfilling experiences. and i'm not saying the casual sex is, by itself, sad and unfulfilling but when it comes in such a strict power trip, i don't see good coming out of it.

and i feel a lot of this dating advices is causing problems for both man and woman, and everyone is unhappy.