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I got a woman's number off a dating site and we are planning to meet up to play mini golf this Saturday. I'm not good at conversing at all. What are the best conversation starters and what kind of conversations good to have when this is the first time meeting?

Ask her questions about herself, and then really listen to what she says. If there is a lull, ask follow-up questions. So if you ask what kinds of movies she likes, and she says "Oh the usual ones everyone else likes," then ask what was the latest movie she saw that she thought was good.

If you're playing mini golf, talk about mini golf. Talk about what's happening in your game right at that moment.

And don't forget to laugh! I love mini-golf dates, they can be hilarious

I should take Jane out to mini golf. I should find out if there's any mino golf courses left in Adelaide

I'm just really bad at starting a conversation usually it gets awkward really fast because communication on both sides dies off since I really don't have much to say

Here's a tip: think of topics to discuss in advance. That way, you'll have "backups" to keep the conversation going if it stops at any point. Keep them relevant, though - you wouldn't want to discuss veganism while playing mini-golf, for instance.

Why not?

If you want to know the truth about most conversationalists, it's not so much that they like to have conversations, but that they like to talk, and what they talk about happens to be engaging to the other person.

There are people on the spectrum who also like to talk, but when people on the spectrum who like to talk talk, they often do so in a way that the other person can't engage in. For example, a former classmate of mine who is also on the spectrum once started talking about the mold in her shower and her thoughts on it. this was fine with me but the NTs around us had no idea how to engage with her on this subject.

It's good to ask questions but do so in moderation, don't machine gun her with questions, and also make sure they aren't too personal or intrusive. Intrusive questions are questions that can expose her to vulnerabilities. For example, instead of "Where do you work?" it may instead be better to ask "What do you do for a living?" or "What field are you in?". I would avoid asking where she lives until you get to know her better.

I can imagine for every man interested in effective conversation starters, there's a woman aiming to perfect her most discouraging conversation stoppers. Of course, I guess any moderately attractive one quickly becomes an expert by necessity.

ie. *looking at phone*

”Sorry I have to answer this”

*putting earphones*

*bla bla bla*

Terse answers. Scanning the horizon. Failure to help carry the conversation. But ironically a lot of the things that people who don't want to have a conversation do are also the things that people who want to have a conversation and are bad at them do.

Yep, that's more or less my standard way to carry on a conversation. I never know what else to do, since either the other person is most likely talking to me only because they have to, and the last thing they need while they stoically put up with my company is to listen to my ignorant ramblings, or they are the one in power and I genuinely want to talk to them as little as possible, because they usually take advantage of anything I reveal to take control of more and more areas of my life, and sometimes to bully me outright.

But just because it's my standard behavior doesn't mean I do it well, or as thoroughly as I'd like to. I profoundly envy people---mostly women---who can afford to say they have no time for something, or to use their phones or books as barriers to social interaction, or even to indulge often in gestures like scanning the horizon. My parents and other authority figures had a comprehensive list of that kind of behaviors, and they took offence when I did them, in addition to considering them part of the mental illness I so obviously had to have. Some were also part of the list of well-known vices of contemporary social life, on par with smoking, drinking, going out and showering daily---yes, the last one was a vice, too.

I particularly remember when a school psychologist threatened, in a joking-but-perhaps-not-really-joking tone, to take away my watch, because I nervously looked at it a few times during an interview, in my father's presence, and with his wholehearted sympathy. It's hard for me to bring myself to practise the forbidden behaviors, no matter how much I want to. Besides, to some extent, should indeed keep obeying, because I'm not really independent and can find myself at any time begging for them to let me in their home again while I look for a job, with little hope to get one which doesn't rely on my diagnosis as mentally defective, thus perpetuating my stigma.

It didn't end well as predicted. It lasted three hours and she said she had a good time yet when I went for a kiss she replied no. I haven't initiated contact with her since Saturday and she hasn't responded back either which leads me to believe this wasn't good.

Wait...YOU WENT OUT ON A DATE?!?!?!

Now...go ask out another girl. Do it NOW.