You know you're screwed when...

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FunkyPunky
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18 Apr 2018, 5:09 pm

You know you're screwed when you see a girl's profile on a dating site and send them a message about a common interest you have and they message you back "That's the third time you've asked me that." All the girls on the dating sites are the ones that have already shot me down. I've literally run out of prospects in my area.



Homer_Bob
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18 Apr 2018, 5:15 pm

That's pretty much the scenario for practically every male online dating user. Learn to embrace the rejection.


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BeaArthur
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18 Apr 2018, 6:37 pm

ha ha ha ... When I was using online dating, a guy I was interested in TWICE cancelled our date because he had met someone and thought it could be serious.

The third time he approached me - obviously not remembering our previous contacts - do you think I was interested in him? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on ME!

Here's a hint if you can't remember who-all you've approached: make a spreadsheet that includes screen name, real name (if you get that far), when you contacted them, the result, where you left it.

If you are treating women like statistics, don't be surprised when they won't give you the time of day. Try thinking of them as individual human beings.


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FunkyPunky
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18 Apr 2018, 6:52 pm

I do think of them as human beings. But I've always had a really bad memory when it comes to people. I can meet someone ten times and still have trouble remembering their name. It's even worse when I only "know" them online.



BeaArthur
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18 Apr 2018, 8:14 pm

FunkyPunky wrote:
I do think of them as human beings. But I've always had a really bad memory when it comes to people. I can meet someone ten times and still have trouble remembering their name. It's even worse when I only "know" them online.

Hence, the spreadsheet.


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nick007
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18 Apr 2018, 9:06 pm

Be happy she had the decency to write back. Women just completely ignored me on dating sites.


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yellowtamarin
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18 Apr 2018, 9:40 pm

nick007 wrote:
Be happy she had the decency to write back. Women just completely ignored me on dating sites.

I've thought about doing what she did (as I've had her experience a few times), but to try to get them to stop contacting me, not to be 'decent' :P
I much prefer someone not write back at all if they're not interested, rather than write back with a rejection. So different people have different ideas of what they think is the decent thing to do.



hale_bopp
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19 Apr 2018, 4:43 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
nick007 wrote:
Be happy she had the decency to write back. Women just completely ignored me on dating sites.

I've thought about doing what she did (as I've had her experience a few times), but to try to get them to stop contacting me, not to be 'decent' :P
I much prefer someone not write back at all if they're not interested, rather than write back with a rejection. So different people have different ideas of what they think is the decent thing to do.


Safe assumption is ignored means not interested. I only ever cared about getting a reply Saying they’re not interested if I’m supposed to be meeting them. Though, that was quite a few years ago. If someone ignores you online, meh, that’s the norm. Online communication isn’t for me, hence using it now very rarely.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Apr 2018, 4:59 am

BeaArthur wrote:

Here's a hint if you can't remember who-all you've approached: make a spreadsheet that includes screen name, real name (if you get that far), when you contacted them, the result, where you left it.



Seriously? Guys are not obliged to remember every girl's face in existence on dating sites, especially since they change their hair color so often.

This is ridiculous. If a girl finds that a stranger guy forgetting her face is so offensive then she is stupid, she can simply reminds the guy with a reply. Simple.

On the old okcupid, I have this note in my profile: "Note: In case I appeared more than once on your visitors page that doesn't mean I am stalking you or in love with you or anything like that, I simply forget faces of people I don't know".

This is no longer relevant for the new okc tho which has no visitors feature.



The Grand Inquisitor
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19 Apr 2018, 8:23 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:

Here's a hint if you can't remember who-all you've approached: make a spreadsheet that includes screen name, real name (if you get that far), when you contacted them, the result, where you left it.



Seriously? Guys are not obliged to remember every girl's face in existence on dating sites, especially since they change their hair color so often.

This is ridiculous. If a girl finds that a stranger guy forgetting her face is so offensive then she is stupid, she can simply reminds the guy with a reply. Simple.

I'd have to agree. Not worth the effort for people who have already rejected you. If they haven't rejected you, either you'd probably still be talking to them or at very least remember them from previous interactions. I'd rather accidentally ask the same unimportant person that I don't recognise the same question 3 times than keep a detailed spreadsheet of every woman I ever interact with online. The only way I could see this being necessary is if you're talking to multiple women over the same period and things are going well enough with them that the outcomes of the conversations might actually matter.

For somebody who's being shot down the vast majority of the time, a spreadsheet is just a cumbersome reminder of how little success you have.



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19 Apr 2018, 8:47 am

BeaArthur wrote:
Here's a hint if you can't remember who-all you've approached: make a spreadsheet that includes screen name, real name (if you get that far), when you contacted them, the result, where you left it.

If you are treating women like statistics, don't be surprised when they won't give you the time of day. Try thinking of them as individual human beings.


Isn't that a contraction? Spreadsheets by definition are for statistics.

For the record, I actually started to do that until I found that many women had the same name (Amanda, Jennifer and Carrie are three that I saw quite a bit) and they tended to have nearly identical profiles too. What's rather ironic was that I went out of my way to see women as unique human beings and (at least online) they acted like robots! For example 90% of those I dated worked in either an elementary school or a hospital/clinic and nearly all of them loved to travel.