Not feeling the need for a relationship my entire life?

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Hi, I'm not sure where to start and what kind of response do I actually expect, so it will be just a long story.

I'm in my 30s and I never felt the need to seek a relationship. I was just going on with my life, following my passions, dealing with my problems. I'm stuttering since I was a kid and was always the quiet guy. You could call it shy, but I was never really interested in talking to people. Not only I found talking difficult due to the stuttering, but meeting people simply did not interest me. I didn't have anything in common with them to talk about. The lack of interest in people meant lack of social skills, which ends up in a circle. I only have a few friends, none that I would call close, and I met all of them though work. When I was around 16, I found an activity that I'm good at and pays well. So I started building my career, finishing university, going from one job to another. My work ended up being the only place I could meet new people. I had this, some hobbies outside of work and somehow I never considered that I should instead focus on trying to build a relationship. My friends considered me asexual and internally I accepted it. I'm living alone, doing work I like, have enough money for everything I want, live an active life. I'm pretty happy about everything. There might have been a few occasions when I felt lonely, but only for a short time until I found something new interesting.

For a long time, I suspected the stuttering the be the root cause of all this, but in the past months I realized that also might be just a symptom of something deeper. I'm likely somewhere on the autistic spectrum, but to be honest, I'm not even sure if I care enough to have it properly diagnosed. I started thinking about this after I met a girl online and for the first time in my life, I found someone interesting. We were able to chat for months and that's something that never happened to me before. When we met in real life, things didn't go so well and the relationship basically failed because of my lack of social skills, openness and ability to express emotions. These are things I should have learner through practice as a teenager, but I didn't and now it's too late. I felt sad about that, but perhaps not as much as I should. I don't expect to find another person I'd find interesting any time soon, but this experience highlighted many things about myself to think about.

I guess the reason I'm writing this is that I'd like to find out if there are other people who find it normal to live their life without a relationship. I know there are many people living alone, but I always assumed they feel sad about it and are actively trying to change it, one way or another, which doesn't really happen in my case.

If you don't feel a desire for a relationship, don't feel pressure to pursue one.

When the feeling hits you, then pursue it.

Your mission is to make your life as pleasurable and amiable to yourself as possible, without stepping on the toes of others.

It just so happens that the "bug" bit me when I was about 14-15 years old. I would see a pretty women, and want to date her, to converse with her, to hug and kiss her, etc. That's why I started pursuing a relationship. I also liked the combination of eroticism and intellect I felt with women sometimes.

But if you feel pleasure only through pursuing your interests, without a relationship with another person, then go for it. Don't give in to that "peer pressure" which demands that you pursue something you have no desire for.

I'm in a similar situation in my own life at the moment. I don't really feel the need for a relationship, especially now that I'm studying one of my favorite things, that being music. And that alone makes me happy enough. Of course I wouldn't mind if I got a girlfriend somehow, but I'm fine even if I don't.

I’ve planned my entire life with the intent/expectation of remaining single. I don’t expect to meet mr right, and get on with my life. If I do meet Mr right, that’s cool, but it’s not a problem if I don’t. It’s always good to meet others who feel the same.

In fact, when I am not fixated on someone, it’s great. Being fixated on people is like wearing a ball and chain.

Man, that sucks that things didn't work out when you met in person. I'm having flashbacks to the movie "Adam" now. Sometimes it seems like something is just mean to be, and then everything backfires, or it just never goes anywhere.

I used to be obsessed with finding "the one", but I think it's finally worn off. Maybe it's because I'm too busy for a relationship, but I've been browsing around OkCupid on and off, and even the few girls who have "liked" me back (due to the way the site works now, eh), I just feel no urge at all to message them.

Though one of them I feel like it would be rude not to message her, because I've met her in Real Life before... ¬_¬ But on the other hand, I feel kind of weird about it, precisely because of that fact.

I also have an online friend who I had told I would visit soon, but she kind of stopped talking to me again, so I haven't bothered to bring it up. It would be fun, but she's always really liked me, and I know it would break her heart if we met and I didn't return her affections.

Yeah, it was tough, but on the other hand, it led me to discovering why I always felt different than other people. It was not a huge surprise it would fail, but I didn't understand why exactly. Now I do.

What I found really surprising is that I only discovered it now. It seems to me that most people, even on this site, have some need for other people, either friendships or romantic relationships. It's not that I was not interested in relationships, it was not even on my radar. On a few occasions, I was happy to abandon the few friends I had and move to a different city. I didn't even consider having a partner in life, as strange as it sounds. I had my life arranged to remain single. Even now, I know logically that I'd like to end up with someone, but intuitively it doesn't feel as important to be more active about it. It's a strangely mixed feeling.