Why am I attracted to highly intellectual aspies?

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Can you solve this? I've been in love with two men in my 30 years, both aspies and both brilliant academics. I am highly empathic and wonder why I am actually attracted to them, even though both relationships ended badly because I felt like neither loved me.

Maybe you're attracted to their intelligence?

I like intellectual types too. NTs and most people are idiots IMO. On college campus in Spanish class a student said they wanted to do border patrol but hated Spanish (UH YOU HAVE TO KNOW PRACTICALLY BE PERFECT AT SPANISH TO DO BORDER PATROL YOU IDIOT!) Another time I was walking around campus and overheard a student ask a professor can miss class today? I politely asked why is there a big test? He said no he just wanted to skip class. *and they give THIS GUY Financial AID to go to college IDIOT! This is why I got along more with professors than students. Sadly a year on campus and I didn't meet anyone that thought like I do. All "ICK a serial killer video" OMG! "How he killed people" Me: OH NEAT I love watching DEXTER and seeing real life is just LOVINGLY TWISTED AND SICK! BUT SORT OF NEAT (said no one EVER!) Except me.

Was your dad like that? A lot of women build their love maps based on their childhood relationship with their father.

Or maybe you're just a sapiosexual (I know I am.) Intelligence is hot.

Brains are sexy, what else can I say? I'm the type of guy who's more likely to be attracted to a girl for her personality and intellect than for her looks, regardless of if she's aspie or not.

Big brains turn you on, nothing wrong with that...guess size does matter.

Not everyone that's smart is an Aspie, and not every Aspie is smart. I'd recommend sticking to emotionally available men that happen to be smart-- that most likely means NT men.

Because we rock.

Now for a bit more in-depth seriousness. As some have said above, intelligence is hot. Aspies have an innocence and tend to avoid lying, which makes us trustworthy. Our Special Interests show our depth and passion, which can translate to someone thinking that same depth and passion can be focused upon them. And the good news is that when an Aspie is in love, it is! These are attractive qualities in spite of the down sides.

Speaking from the other side of things, I've had people accuse me of not loving them enough, or not being expressive enough. But I really did love them. Perhaps your boyfriends loved you, but could not express it? Did they know they were Aspies and the challenges that come with it? I did not at the time.

Quite frankly, I'd be offended if you didn't think such traits were attractive.

I've had lots on NT girlfriends who really liked me and who were proud of me. First of all, you are probably a very good verbal communicator and are capable of shifting to almost entirely verbal communication. Secondly, you probably think - that is, you do not approximate a vegetable. But then, there were some who ended up absolutely hating me. Those that hated me usually something like a "lack of passion" in the relationship.

I usually go for the same type of people. I usually just figued it was because they were easy to relate to. One of my first major crushes was on a girl in my Humanities and Biology classes who was really into literature. I'd always been unusually well read, but she exposed me to a lot of new stuff. It was pretty awesome to meet someone I could have a real intellectual discussion with who wasn't a teacher or administrator fourty years older than me. It was also really cool to see just how excited she was about it. Not only was she knowledgeable, but she was passionate about it. When she was explaining novels to me, I remember feeling like some of it rubbed off on me and I wanted to go out and read everything she told me about. After about a year, I worked up the nerve to ask her out (though I had to have my NT sister drill me on the proper proceedure) and she rejected me, but she did so about as gently as someone can.

The most recent girl was for more introverted & her interests overlapped with mine a lot more (if only because they were so diverse). She was really extraordinary. I don't want to brag, but I want to establish here that I have an IQ of 150 and have always been considered exceptionally quick to learn new concepts and knowledgeable about the world in general. She was on a whole different level though. She was qhite likely the most brilliant person I've ever met. She played 12 different musical instruments (which she rarely let me help her carry), knew several different programming languages & while I don't remember exactly how many languages she spoke (this was some time ago) I'm pretty sure it was about five. We even shared an interest in Michio Kaku (because all of Stephen Hawking's books tend to be pretty depressing. Though, I'd probably be pessimistic too if I were him).

We had breakfast and lunch together almost every day for a while and she even expressed interest in a romantic relationship with me, but I got into a brief physical altercation with someone who had been stalking me and had to leave without giving her my contact information or even saying goodbye to anyone. I've learned that a lot of people heard about the fight & even heard the rumors about what happened to me. The two that struck me as the weirdest were the strories that I'd gone off into the mountains to commit suicide (Why would someone go around telling people that I killed myself!?!?) and the story that I'm in prison (I could understand that one if they were trying to hurt my reputation, but it sounds a lot less likely than suicide). I kind of wonder what she thinks happened to me...

Anyway, I don't see anything wrong with being attracted to smart people.

This.

As someone else posted the term above, maybe you're just a sapiosexual.

We're all attracted to different characteristics in others, and whatever they are, it just is what it is for each of us.

I'm feeling fortunate that when I asked a potential love interest what they were attracted to in a guy their highest priority was.. intelligence. I'm no Einstein, but I'm a pretty bright guy & hold my own pretty well - well enough to feel confident that this person will become more and more interested in me as they get to know me. Win!

Stimulus.

We are all attracted to intelligence in different forms but it seems that social intelligence and emotional intelligence are valued over intelligence in a specialised field.

Because brains are hot and stupid people cause meltdowns.

:thumbup:

I'll admit fully I'm certainly attracted to aesthetics, but there also has to be some brains at least, too. I can't ever see myself being with someone I thought was stupid. Stupid people are irritating. Sure, different types of intelligence and interests are entirely acceptable, but stupidity... nah. I couldn't ever see myself wasting my time with someone stupid - and not just for a lack of intellectual connection, but because it's a major turn off.

Homo sapiens wouldn't have intelligence if it wasn't a favorable trait in sexual and natural selection.

Caveman knowing how to make a spearhead --> kills more deers, more food, more wanted by caveladies, more babies.

I'd just like to point out the obvious here and say that it's gotta be a balance of brains and brawn for the most successful guys.. knowing how to make a spearhead is great for a caveman, unless he's weak & cowardly and can't or won't wield it to kill more deer.

I agree that intelligence must be a favourable reproductive trait, but it can't juuuust be intelligence - it must be combined with executed actions that yield success. Sure, there's a lot more opportunity for physically weak guys to be financially/economically successful today, but I still believe a combination is required for greatest success in the reproductive realm.