How to recognize romantic feelings?

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So i have never dated anyone before. I liked people of course but i had so many psychological problems i never dared to hope for a relationship.
There's someone who's interested in me but i don't know how i feel about him. I don't know if i just see him as a friend or more. I want to marry and im scared of being alone in my older years. But does that mean im just using him because of loneliness? He's a bit older than me and im scared to hurt him and waste his time when he could find someone else. So basically what im asking is: when you're a lonely person who dont even have that much friends how do you understand you like someone?

You won't know unless you spend more time around them, and allow yourself to feel, whatever the feelings are.
Meet up with them?

Don't overthink it.

Return the interest.

See what happens.

Thank you so much for the responses. The thing is, i actually talked with him for a while before but since he's a bit older than me he's looking for marriage and children. I told him that i have very little experience and marriage is too scary for me and that i didn't want to waste his time. He said ok and stopped talking to me. But now he randomly messages me again and says can we talk from time to time? I think that he's a lonely person too and we have that in common. But is that enough reason to meet up? He lives quite far away and i don't want to waste his time by making him come here. I'm trying not to overthink but it's really hard right now.

You'll know it when you feel it. That's all I can say on the matter.

Perhaps you'll be wasting his time, or perhaps you'll be saving his life (and he yours).

Thank you again guys, i'm so anxious over this matter. The problem is he wants a family as in children, and i don't think im ready for that because i haven't even dated anyone before! I'm way too immature for these kinds of things so i told him we're not fit for each other. He's kind of a dreamer too because we're both unemployed so idk how he expects us to marry in the first place.

If he's constantly bringing up marriage and children when you guys aren't even in a relationship, that's just weird. People don't do that. I'd be incredibly cautious if you decide to become involved. That has warning signs all over it.

^You're right, i think he's rushing because he's in his 30s and marriage-children is what's expected from people when they're in their 30s in my country. Even so, we're not even dating now so it's just weird.

It might be weird, but it might also be a misunderstanding. Maybe he meant he wants to marry and have children at some point in life, not necessarily right now. There are people who do not want to have children, like me, so it's useful to make sure your life goals align, even if you are not going to do to marry the next month.

^yes, that's probably it. We talked about that and i said i would give it at least 2 years before marrying. He found that too long a time and he keeps mentioning children which makes me terrified to be honest. I'm just not fit to be a mother, i know it and i didn't mention aspergers to him. I feel like i did the right thing by saying we're not fit for each other but i'm also scared no one else is going to like me..

You absolutely did the right thing. He doesn't even want to wait 2 years before getting married? The guy's out of his mind. I wouldn't consider marrying someone until I'd lived with them for at least five. I didn't propose to my wife until we'd been living together for almost 7 years. This year will be our 5th year of marriage. Way too many marriages end in divorce, so being very cautious before making that kind of a commitment, especially with someone who wants children ASAP, is absolutely paramount. The last thing anyone should do is be irresponsible, get married too quickly and then drag children into a scenario that will more than likely wind up in custody battles and divorce.

^ Thank you for your response, tbh i feel exactly the same, marriage is a huge responsibility for me too. He was probably rushing because in our culture there's a societal pressure to get married and have children before 30 and he's 35. I really can't understand why people force themselves to take such major decisions because of societal expectations though..

Keeps talking about kids, bringing it up all the time when you're not even in a relationship = big red flag IMO.

Disagreeing with you saying at least 2 years before marriage is another red flag. I would suspect possessive tendencies and maybe worse.

Agreed 100%.


This is cool to see. I feel similar and always wondered if I am considered to be at the other extreme wanting to wait at least 5 years. It takes me longer to get to know people well and also I am easily tricked so I want to make it more difficult if the girl has bad intentions. Part of waiting this way would be so that those specifically out there to exploit others would choose to move on.

Some of this may be cultural. Arranged marriages may not be uncommon in Turkey, so the idea of marrying quickly, whether wise or not, may be less strange there than in the UK or North America.

BTW my wife and I decided to get married about 2 months after we met, did in fact get married a year later, and have now been married over 32 years. So there's nothing wrong with getting married quickly if you know it's the right thing to do. Just not for everybody.

Same. I knew the evening I met my husband that I would going to be in love with him forever. I broke up with the person I was currently seeing and settled down for what I assumed would be a long period of unrequited love. Thankfully it was't. We moved in together within 6 months and got married within two years of meeting. We've been married 13 years this summer.