Aspie male is a burden to relationships

Post Reply New Topic

Yep say it in brief. 27 years old socially active, business owner, academically minded, sporty and healthy male adult. I have healthy attitude towards to positive inclusive, sustainable and better communities for the future due to my passions and compassions. However, the biggest burden is my aspieness is affecting on ability for women to attract me. Nobody, even female friends see me attractive both physically and emotionally. Let alone they rarely make time nor opportunities to learn and understand about me. I have a hearing loss too. I work very professionally and that every single women always see me professionally, nothing romantically.

I am starting to see I am never going to get a girlfriend ever with the way how society perceive me. I have been attacked and mentally abused by women due to stigmatising of being typical aspie male.

I wonder why women hates me so much when I don't do anything wrong to them? All of my counselors and psychologists of 9 years have no single answer why this is happening to me.

I wish I have better life where I can date simply without burdens.

We all see ourselves as the hero in our own little stories, with others as the extras.
Doesn't really matter if no one wants us to rescue them.

At times like those, when the narrator of the story cannot convince the audience, it might be time to engage what the audience is thinking so the story can better progress.

What makes you think women "hate you so much"? I can't see any evidence of hatred in the rest of what you posted. Language is powerful - using more accurate language can sometimes help reduce negative thoughts/feelings.

I know that doesn't address your question, but I think it's important to get the question right before having it answered.

This is a key point to acknowledge.

I asked in confidence as a question. I wanted to know why they hate me. How you prove that they don't hate me? I have been rejected for whole life not even a single relationship nor sex despite being everywhere in community networks and that. I am seen as more active aspie than majority of members on WP who are anxious, shy and don't want to interact with people. I am completely opposite.

Comments on reddit has asked me to be friends with women and let them approach me rather than me doing that. Now I am confused....

Well okay, as an example, I am a woman and I wouldn't date you, because you're not my type, but I don't hate you. Granted you've never asked me to date you but I'm just illustrating the possibility that someone can be disinterested in dating someone but not hate them.

And so, I asked what makes you think they "hate you so much", as your post didn't show any indication that they do. It seemed a bit of a leap from 'won't date me' --> 'hate me'.

Mind me asking you, why women quickly judge men before getting to know them? You don't know me at all, even never met each others. That happens when lot of people quickly judge me before they make friends with me. That is a major problem in my life of 'being different among their peers'. People especially NTs quickly judge me. I don't understand why rushing decisions before understanding someone?

I never ever ever ever ever judge someone before getting to know who they are. I felt rude if I do that. I am pretty optimistic, open minded and positive person. I always work hard for my life managing business, research, being an advocate and that in my networks. I have lot of people praised for my achievements because I done amazing things, and that helped them. It all about professional life. I rarely seen as more than platonic.

The hate part as you asked me to clarify, is something what I briefly mentioned that why women quickly to judge me including women in my networks tend to avoid me all the time when we never spoken to each others. I am very approachable and strategic person. I treat everybody equally no matter who they are and what identity they have. I understand hate is strong language word, I apologise if that offended you all but in reality that how I feel. Being reacted negatively when I am being myself.

I had few people in my networks totally agreed with my statements and perspectives of how I feel about struggling making friends and finding a girlfriend being in 20's. They agreed with their responses regarding around shallow, naive, narcissistic and poor attitudes from young people as a barrier facing stigma from media and technology. Those words are primarily said from who known me for at least a year, including people who just met me in networks who quickly seeing me positive person instead of negatively brush me off.

I really really don't understand women these days despite I have more female friends than male friends in my networks. It because of my environmental and social justice values, where demographics lie in this area. I have spoken to counselors and psychologists for at least 9 years on this very same topic. Seen at least 15 different ones, attended relationships and sex public forums raising my voices. They are all said they have difficult finding around the barriers from my experiences because they see me as a wicked problem. 99% of them said the blame is not me, its how media and technology structures the thoughts of the generation today.

I am not overly confident ever going to get a girlfriend, eventually have kids and marriage in this current generation due to lot of burden factors. I tried to stay optimistic and positive about my future. It so difficult to overcome social and communication challenges when you are being neurodiverse.

Hope this is clearer.

What's with this 'pre-rejecting'? He didn't even ask you out.

Ok seems like you need to find a woman who does not fit in...like yourself. Seriously don't worry about all that stupid s**t society says, seriously ignore it. It's stupid and useless...it doesn't matter, you just need to look towards people who are not attached to that. I mean people like us..I assume you are a socially awkward Aspergers person we can't just fake normal so we have to find people who are open to differences sure it's hard but there are people out there that wont just judge on how well you fit in society...there are a lot of outlying people that don't fit in, you may get along better with them. I think that is the trouble with some of us, we try to fit into just the normal/typical world but we don't fit and that causes frusteration...I think maybe that is some of what you are dealing with.

One word, OP: Ableism.

What makes you think the rest of WP is like that?

Of course I don't mind you asking, but I'll pretend you asked me personally, rather than making a generalised question about women
You have told us things about yourself. Things that I know don't suit me, in a relationship. So either you have those qualities and it wouldn't work, or you don't have those qualities but you think you do, which means you are out of touch with your personality and that's also not something I want in a partner.
Hope that clarifies.
(I know myself well, have a lot of experience, and have a lot of info about what works for me and what doesn't. I'm not just guessing.)

It's a scary thought to think that nobody here who has read my posts has ruled me out as a potential partner! I'm sure I've said plenty of things here that give some people enough info to decide I'm not suitable for them. You don't always have to meet someone to know they are not a compatible partner.

I was attempting to answer his question, how do I prove a woman who doesn't want to date him, doesn't hate him? Obviously I know he didn't actually ask me out, I say it right there in that post you quoted

But based on what you are pre-rejecting him? You don't even know him in person.

It would be more helpful for him to tell him why he is not your type.

Why? My input is about his use of the word "hate". I'm addressing that. I think it unlikely that the women rejecting him romantically actually hate him. Each would have their own reason, and me giving my reason is not constructive in this instance. That would be about my preferences (who cares?), not his pitfalls.

The point is that I don't hate him, despite not wanting to date him.

(If he wants to know why he's not my type, he can ask me. It doesn't seem relevant though.)

Your reaction to me is very same to many women I met in my life. Most of them are in their 20's, from early to late 20's. To be honest I find it super offensive to brush me off quickly before getting to know me. It makes me quickly judge you as a horrible person by doing that. Shows lacking compassion and empathy towards someone. Lot of so called uni female friends I used to be with have shown similar symptoms of their attitudes towards me. They are naive, passive and insecure. I had this girl who assumed herself on the spectrum gone through crazy decisions in her life which totally ironic. She is 2 years older than me. Her attitudes is more like 20 year old rather than hitting 30's.

To be very honest by the way how I approach women is all equal and as friends. I am that kind of person who seek as friends first. That where I wanted to get to know them. It really important to understand that is how life works. Like being an employer, you get to know your applicants before getting hired. I am not saying getting into a relationship is like a job application process, but the approach is almost similar. Unfortunately majority of employers quickly jump on disabled people as not potential employees despite they have skills, experience and passion for the roles they applied for. This same goes for women, especially NTs quickly judge Aspie males.