Can an aspie girl not realize she got asked on a date?

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ehymw
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03 Jul 2018, 1:29 pm

Yes its the same girl as last time.

I texted her, she texted back, I included in a larger text that I had enjoyed our face to face conversation and asked if she liked a local ice cream shop.

She took a while and wrote about everything other than what I thought was an obvious offer of a date and that included letting me know she likes that icream shop.

Is she clueless or is it me?

RainbowUnion
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03 Jul 2018, 1:35 pm

Possibly. Be direct. Don't beat around the bush. If you want to take her out, say so. We tend to be direct and straightforward in all things. If you asked her if she LIKED the ice cream shop, she may have seen the question as just that and not an invitation to go there. Not all on the spectrum are this direct, but many are.

If you have issues with this, you may just want to find a NT to date. Because this tendency will probably never change or go away with her.

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TwilightPrincess
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03 Jul 2018, 2:15 pm

ehymw wrote:

Is she clueless or is it me?

She might lack self confidence and think that you wouldn’t be interested in her or something like that.

I had trouble recognizing when a guy was hitting on me unless a friend told me he was. I also had pretty low self esteem. Be more direct with her.

She wouldn’t want to assume you were asking her out when that wasn’t your real intention either. That would be dreadful.

RainbowUnion
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03 Jul 2018, 2:29 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:

ehymw wrote:

Is she clueless or is it me?

Totally agreed. Esp with your last sentence. She may have trouble determining that this is an invitation, and does not want to assume it is when its not.

goldfish21
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03 Jul 2018, 2:31 pm

Or she may realize it full well and has difficulty rejecting you in a way that won't be hurtful and thus opts not to respond at all.

Only way to find out is to send a Very Direct message and ask her on a Date, specifically, and see if & how she responds.

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Syd
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03 Jul 2018, 2:42 pm

A. Be more direct.

B. If she's still confused, create a PowerPoint presentation and use illustrations to explain the concept of a date.

C. Kidnap her, blindfold her, and then remove the blindfold and yell "surprise!" when you get to the ice cream shop.

D. Find a new girl who isn't so incredibly dense.

SilverStar
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03 Jul 2018, 2:48 pm

Syd wrote:

D. Find a new girl who isn't so incredibly dense.

That's harsh. lol She might not be dense, but may just lack self-confidence, or experience.

Luhluhluh
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03 Jul 2018, 3:21 pm

Look, I'm NT and I would not even recognize that as an invitation to a date.

To me, an invitation to a date sounds like "Hey, do you want to get an ice cream at this ice cream shop on Saturday?" where you offer an event, at a specific time/day.

Your question was asking her opinion: "Do you like this ice cream shop?"

Easy to get confused when it's not absolutely clear.

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CannibalCorpse
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03 Jul 2018, 3:40 pm

OkI don't know her but asking me if I like a certain shop is not a date! It's just a question.

ehymw
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03 Jul 2018, 4:24 pm

This is where our text dialogue got confusing.

and yes I am redacting identifying information:

Quote:

Me: I don't know of any upcoming protests but you shall be first in my thoughts if I hear of any.

I did enjoy our conversation though, do you like [local ice-cream shop]

Quote:

Her: Thank you for your offer to pass on the news, and yes, I do like [local ice-cream shop]- I take it you do as well?
Also, I just now checked my email and found out that there is a meeting entitled "Immigration Action[]" taking place at the [local church] this Sunday, 1 pm to 3:30. You likely already know about it, especially if I'm recalling correctly your formal religious affiliation, but I just figured I'd mention it

I think she doesn't realize what I just offered but I want others opinions.

TwilightPrincess
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03 Jul 2018, 4:45 pm

ehymw wrote:

This is where our text dialogue got confusing.

and yes I am redacting identifying information:

Quote:

Me: I don't know of any upcoming protests but you shall be first in my thoughts if I hear of any.

I did enjoy our conversation though, do you like [local ice-cream shop]

Quote:

I think she doesn't realize what I just offered but I want others opinions.

I think she has no idea what you’re offering. I wouldn’t if I was her.

Luhluhluh
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03 Jul 2018, 5:49 pm

No, I did not get the impression she got it either.

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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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03 Jul 2018, 6:36 pm

She didn't get asked on a date though. She got asked if she liked something, and she answered.

kraftiekortie
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03 Jul 2018, 6:56 pm

Unfortunately, that's the way I used to ask girls on dates in the old days, too.

However, when I was 16, I stuttered, and asked a girl on a date. She accepted. She became my first lover a year after our date.

WallflowerAsparagus
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04 Jul 2018, 7:48 am

Be very direct, as obvious as you can be without making yourself more vulnerable than you would like.

It has always been hard for me to know if a man is interested in me and I'm an Aspie girl
Good luck

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isloth
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04 Jul 2018, 10:38 am

ehymw wrote:

Also, I just now checked my email and found out that there is a meeting entitled "Immigration Action[]" taking place at the [local church] this Sunday, 1 pm to 3:30.

Could this be a date counter-offer? :lol:

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