loving a narcissist with BPD

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wow.

i guess....i would put this thread next to the dictionary definition of "discouragement" if i could.

it's nobody's fault, though, and thank you. the consistency is astounding, to me, and i have heard much the same from other people IRL.

this person has been the primary figure in my life for the better part of a decade and as such i find it excruciatingly difficult to break away due to the mutual codependency --- if i ever move out of town it would me far easier to do. but as for now i just don't know how to do it. they would need to be replaced by some sort of drug (literal or metaphorical).


i've actually been reading books...about people like this, how to deal with them, understand, love them, but it's all
mixed signals.

i don't know.

thanks again.

Hope you can one day make the step and see that you deserve better. My ex was a manipulative, gaslighting. narcissistic monster and in the end, I had to make a choice. Let her drag me to hell or see my worth and start fighting back. Became the Wolf I am now and started fighting back, kicked her out and never saw her face again. Best decision I ever made. The pit of loneliness I was scared of was merely an illusion. I was finally free and felt fantastic.

Wish you all the best Kip. Stay safe and take care.

Lack of self-worth, and fear of being alone, are what attracts these types of people to you. Self improvement/empowerment are the best things you can do to keep these types of people out of your life. Good job!

there is always the possibility, as i mentioned before that the "manipulation" isn't conscious at all and they legitimately have no idea that they are hurting others as much as they are


there is no replacement for the ups i'm given. is there really such a thing as an irredeemable person? i would not like to think so.

The thing is, Kip, is that you're a good-looking guy.

You look like one of those gallant, Bohemian types.

You don't have to settle for a Narcissist with BPD.

Isn't she a girl?

Kip is a guy.

Mind=Blown

i am a guy.



often wish i wasn't, though. i feel like things would be so much better. i might actually get what i want.

My last girlfriend was a narcissist, apparently. I'm still not really sure I get the concept. Also may have had bpd. When we first met, we were suddenly surrounded by a ridiculous giant mountain of drama, some of which I'm still dealing with three years later. I'm not sure what happened after that, exactly. We had some amazing moments, and it seemed like we had amazing potential. But I also really feel like I got used for a few months and then thrown away when I wasn't useful anymore, with my life in a much worse place than it was when we started. And this is the shortest possible version of the story.

Due to some snafu back when WP changed its layout a couple years ago Kips profile got locked into saying "Female" and cant be changed. I suggested that he put a disclaimer in the signature part. He did. Notice where it says "I'mdudemydudes". Trouble is that you REALLY have to be looking to see it.

I'm am not saying it is the case with you but these sound like the excuses that victims use to rationalise manipulation. And obviously there has to be ups with a clever manipulator or you'd drop em like their hot.
I am also of the opinion that there isn't such a thing as an irredeemable person but this attitude has got me burnt which is why a lot of posters here have an attitude of "once bitten, twice run for the hills"

i hate being nice

this always happens

Trust me, they know... I even got my narcissistic ex to admit to this through some manipulation of my own towards the end of our relationship and I got him to admit to things he had never intended to tell me. He was 100% aware, only very good at hiding that fact so that I would feel guilty for leaving him. As soon as I left after he'd made me feel like s**t for doing so he started dating a very emotionally unstable girl (I knew whom she was and she was not very strong and had a lot of problems) she was of course also easy to manipulate.

I can totally understand how you feel though. I still loved him after it had ended and it was incredibly hard to accept the fact that he never meant anything sweet he'd ever said to me and that he had only wanted me as an ego-boost (I also have a tendency to always want to believe the best of people) - I loved him so much that it made him feel important and I looked the other way a lot, allowing him to be his egotistical self and still be adored which is something that these kinds of people value because all they want is someone to feed their ego and be their own personal doormat.

I really hope that you can gather the emotional strength to leave, and do consider therapy afterwards so you can deal with the manipulation you've been through and avoid letting another person like this into your life again. I wish you all the best.

Yes but it would likely be a very volatile, toxic, abusive relationship.

I think some people just like it that way.