How do you work on building connections with people you date

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Or is that not something that we do???

I think that we can only connect with people like us. I've grown to realise that it's pointless to try and force connections with incompatible people.

Unfortunately the number of those with whom we are compatible is small.

Through two main ways.

1) By showing interest in something that interests them. This involves listening to what they have to say, and asking pertinent questions on any given topic. For instance, if someone is a fan of 19th-century literature, I might ask if they feel that Heathcliff was a product of his environment or if was just naturally nasty.

2) By being interesting yourself. Playing an instrument, ballroom-style dancing, and volunteering at the local homeless shelters work for me. Were I to spend all of my spare time online, watching videos, or playing games, no one would really care to get to know me at all.

These will work with people in general. With that "special someone" your interest had better be genuine, or you risk getting dumped and ghosted.

Dunno, I’m Aspie and have only ever managed to connect with friends and family, never been in a relationship - in part because I can’t conndect with people.

Fnord’s post reminded me of a recent Facebook meme that said something like “Networking is not about meeting people, it’s about becoming the type of person that others want to meet.” All that makes sense to me. If your interests are.. uninteresting to others, no one will want to communicate with you about them. But when others are intrigued or impressed by the things you do, and be extension the person you are, then there’s plenty for them to engage you in conversation about.

This seems to correlate strongly with my own experiences chatting with people. I’m a kiteboarder, I’ve raised money and awareness for a youth homeless shelter, I work in a specialized trade that Most people cannot do for the life of them, I keep myself in shape etc. These things, and more, make getting “dates,”/(hookups) a breeze. But as for genuine relationship connections, well, its never happened and is unlikely but w/e I still have fun.