Need help with understanding

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losinmymind26
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12 Jan 2019, 2:11 am

This question is not about me - its about a friend dating someone who I believe is Autistic (he is not diagnosed). She has been seeing him long term (a little over a year). She recently found out he cheated, she found a few weeks ago. When trying to talk him and work things out (insecurities etc), he got upset and said "You are still in the past". He has been distant and refusing to talk since.

How would you deal with this situation? It isn't exactly easy for the person who was cheated on, but it is not exactly easy to make a person with Autism understand.

Having a child with Autism - I told her I wouldn't try and work out my problems over coming the cheating with him. If I wanted to stay with him I wouldn't involve him in my process of overcoming the incident. To me - It sounds wrong to me saying that - but someone who is diagnosed who has had no supports or help... I do believe that if there is further problems the relationship needs to be worked on but with a professional.



nick007
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12 Jan 2019, 3:36 am

Us Aspies are capable of knowing that cheating is WRONG & hurts their current partner & realtionship. I wouldn't try to work things out with him & would end it. Aspergers is NO excuse for cheating


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12 Jan 2019, 8:26 am

^This, cheating is just selfish and unfair to a partner.

He has a chance to salvage this by just talking to her, yet he's pushing her away. Why is she the one being punished? He either does not value the relationship he has, or is too much of a mess to even be in one. I know that breakups are painful, but this isn't healthy and it's already causing pain.


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886
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12 Jan 2019, 12:45 pm

honestly, there isn't much to work out with him. if he cheated and said he moved on, then, he's done just that. it's horrible and unfair to your friend, but reaching out to him and hoping to try to fix things or find closure is just going to hurt her.


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jimmy m
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12 Jan 2019, 1:40 pm

There are many variables that are unknown in this thread. Is he an Aspie? How did he cheat? Was it really cheating in his eyes?

So as far as advice.

You friend should be direct to her boyfriend. No beating about the bush. No sarcasm. Have her say exactly what she means and what she feels inside. Explain how she has been hurt.

For Aspies, the written language may be better than spoken. This is because one can spend the time to say precisely what is being conveyed. So convey the information in a letter or email, rather than in person or over the phone. The recipient can read the information over and over again until it sinks into their head. Or not!

Generally Aspies do not cheat. Their word is their bond. That is why I wonder if he is really an Aspie. Also they tend not to move on. They generally have only a friend or two and those friends are prized by the Aspie.

Many Aspies have been bullied their entire lives and have a hard time accepting criticism. They have been told they are worthless so many times that they reject criticism in order to keep their sanity. So if they are criticized they will clam up.

Also many male Aspies are lucky to find a girlfriend. Many Aspies on this site constantly complain about their inability to have a girlfriend.


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