emotional gap

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All my life I've met and dated the wrong women. These women treated me like crap; they took advantage of my caring nature, used me for sex--some broke up with me only to return later; abused me verbally--which eventually caused me to lash out in anger because I kept my feelings locked away for so long. The last relationship I was in dissolved completely on October 3rd, 2015. In august my father had died from cancer. I was in the process of moving in order to be with her. i did that "4 WEEKS AFTER MY OWN FATHER'S FUNERAL'.

My gf and I had been dating since 2012. I didn't know it at the time but she had undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. She also had 4 kids (that I did know because I met them many times)--4 amazing kids whom i cared for so much Hell, i still care for them. They cared for me too. But my gf; well she always complained she was fat every day, but if I complained about something once then she'd call me narcissistic. We never had a deep conversation unless it revolved around her or had to do with somehow changing me to fit her standards; and that I listened and obeyed her like a child...like that was going to F****** happen, she'd chastise me for not getting a job; well I just moved to a new state for crying out loud. Nobody handed me an internship like they did for her. But ignore the fact that it was me who stayed up every night motivating her to finish her schoolwork--this was before I moved to be with her.

Now I only lasted a month with her before i grew unusually homesick---it was easy for her to feel comfortable because her home (with 2 living parents; her father never died, nor did her brother, but mine did), was around the corner. The fights grew worse---seems the tension only cleared up if i admitted she was right even when she was wrong....which was 95% of the time. And when i told her how I needed to return home in order to heal from just losing my father she charged me with abandoning her and her children...something that borders on the absurd. At first i considered toughing it out, but when she said "Oh just go home'--I lived in a small apartment a few miles from her house---that was the final straw!! I left.

2016 was filled with harassment on her end. But if I snapped she said i was a scary and violent person. Then I finally met another girl and when I told her I wanted to get to know this person she said "I was so unfair.' Today she lives in another state with someone who is "supposedly rich".

Now me and this new person are still together. everything is great. although I find myself still having romantic feelings for the former, I've also turned ice cold in feeling any real romantic feelings for my new gf and just women in general. What's my problem?? I know AS individuals suffer from connection issues but, until her, i never had this problem. i don't want to dump my current gf because she is a saint. she is so loving and caring. What can I do to heal? I'm beginning therapy on the 13th.

Any insight or helpful thoughts to consider? * I apologize for this poorly written post. Right now I don't care much about well written sentences lol

Its probably a defense mechanism, sounds like your previous relationship was a sort of living hell...so it would make sense you'd have a hard time forming another romantic connection or trusting that it wouldn't turn into the same thing. Really you just have to work through it and mostly try to let go of that past relationship and all the baggage with it. Especially the feelings for the previous.

Hopefully maybe she understands your last relationship was far from good, and so it may take you a little time to heal. I know my boyfriend had gotten out of a not very good relationship when he got with me, he was actually still even in process of moving stuff out of their apartment. And I suspect all his feelings he ever had for her did not just disappear because he met me...but you know he still had to let it go, otherwise it would have likely become problematic.

I mean maybe he would have just never really formed a connection with me if he remained stuck on her, or I might have felt like there was a chance of her swooping in and taking him back hovering over our relationship. But yeah its not like you have to pretend you never felt anything, just have to in your mind declare its over no matter what, so those feelings don't matter anymore.

I mean I even reminisce about some of my previous relationships but that's in the past I have my good relationship now so best not to dwell in the past or what could have been if things with any of those exes had worked out better. Feelings I had for any of them don't matter anymore just the feelings I have for my boyfriend.

I have been in a few of those types of relationships. They are almost like an addiction, where deep down you know they are bad for you, and sometimes you even try to cut them out of your life...but somehow you get reeled back into them.

I believe Aspies in general, are easy targets for abusive people. It's almost like they can spot you from a mile away. The best way to keep these people out of your life (or at least minimalize them), is to improve yourself, and learn how to spot them early on, before you get too involved with them.