being invisible for men

Page 1 of 7 [ 98 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 7 Next

Joined: 26 Feb 2017
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,311
Location: brazil

09 Sep 2017, 7:19 pm

the only ever sort of relationship I had, it was from a guy I met online and then we met in real life... otherwise no straight guy ever seem to pay attention to me? not even on being friends or anything like this. i don't know if i'm just super ugly (i don't think i'm pretty most of time and i'm fat now but i don't even think that i'm really this ugly) and have a bad personality or maybe i just don't seem available or open? but this really annoys me, i feel like a huge part of my life is missing because i don't even interact with guys (when this guy and i become close it was really weird because i was/still am so surprised that someone would really want to have sex with me). i tried online dating but i can't keep a conversation mostly, i really try to be nice but in the best cases, after a few days they seem to lost the interest. when i lived abroad i had a bit of better chance (maybe because i was ~exotic~ and they would associate me being weird from being from another country?) but even this didn't translated in much success, i had this complicated before mentioned relationship, and went out with two other guys, i kissed one of them and he suggested to have sex but i didn't want to and both of them never talked with me after it.

sly279
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,183
Location: US

09 Sep 2017, 11:33 pm

I dont know

Anytime a girl likes me it's a spambot or someone playing mental games who enjoys making a guy fall for them just to block him.

I don't trust women who message or like me on dating sites and i dont know how to tell if a girl shows interest in me in person though I don't believe it happens. If one did I wouldn't believe her. I'm apparently super duper ugly and I'm worthless trash in a world where a mans income matters more then his personality. I don't meet any of societies traits to be considered a real man.

Atleast guys give you attention and find you good looking enough for sex. Means some find you attractive far better then. Wing considered universal unattractive by all women.

From what I've seen here you seem nice. I dont know where you're from so i dont know if it's something with your culture that's causing problems.

I ish I could help but all I can offer is comfort and someone to talk to.

Foxhugs

ltcvnzl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Feb 2017
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,311
Location: brazil

09 Sep 2017, 11:43 pm

sly279 wrote:

I dont know

Anytime a girl likes me it's a spambot or someone playing mental games who enjoys making a guy fall for them just to block him.

I don't trust women who message or like me on dating sites and i dont know how to tell if a girl shows interest in me in person though I don't believe it happens. If one did I wouldn't believe her. I'm apparently super duper ugly and I'm worthless trash in a world where a mans income matters more then his personality. I don't meet any of societies traits to be considered a real man.

Atleast guys give you attention and find you good looking enough for sex. Means some find you attractive far better then. Wing considered universal unattractive by all women.

From what I've seen here you seem nice. I dont know where you're from so i dont know if it's something with your culture that's causing problems.

I ish I could help but all I can offer is comfort and someone to talk to.

Foxhugs

it was just two guys and none of them from my country. it gets specially weird because everyone in my country (brazil) seems to be so sexual.

sometimes i get really skeptical about online dating – mostly i think people can't be honest about it, so it can be dangerous.

thanks. human hugs for you.

Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

09 Sep 2017, 11:53 pm

ltcvnzl wrote:

I suppose I'm largely invisible to men, but sometimes it can have it's advantages. I recall once I was at the bus stop and there was a man in his 20s or 30s sitting at the bench. Another woman walked up to the stop. She was pretty by conventional standards and dressed nicely in some sort of sun dress, matching shoes, make up and so on, but not in any type of inappropriate way. As she was standing there waiting for the bus, the man on the bench began to attempt to get her attention in what most women would consider to be a creepy way. While her back was to him (because he was on the bench a few feet back and she was standing on the edge of the curb) he began to whisper things like "Hey pretty lady" and make various clicking noises as if to get he to turn around to see what it was. I was pretty sure she could hear him because I was farther away than she was, but she chose to ignore him, as she should have, being he didn't have the decency to just say hello.

He left me alone, which I was somewhat thankful for.

ltcvnzl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Feb 2017
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,311
Location: brazil

10 Sep 2017, 12:01 am

Chronos wrote:

ltcvnzl wrote:

I'm also happy about it... I don't remember ever getting this kind of attention, and it is actually quite weird when I see woman saying about how every woman is catcalled – I feel that maybe I'm less than a woman because I'm ugly? A lot of feminist spaces would talk too much about it and it become so annoying to me because it's just not part of my reality. I'm not saying that I wish it was part of my reality, but I just felt like my reality was erased.

Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,286
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

10 Sep 2017, 12:17 am

Chronos wrote:

ltcvnzl wrote:

That is creepy, the other day I can't be sure but I think some guy might have been trying to pull some creppy sh*t with me. I had my headphones in and was going to work and when I go to work that is me time till I get there, I want to listen to music and ride the bus not socialize first thing in the morning. But yeah seemed like there was a guy trying to get my attention and then when my music stopped for a second to go to the next song pretty sure he was saying profane things trying to get me to pay attention and I just ignored it. I mean I am going to work, want to talk to me? come up and motion for me to take headphones out and I will, but if you're going to be a weird creep getting butthurt about the girl showing up with headphones in headed to work that doesn't feel like being all social f**k off.

But I had my headphones in, so IDK if he was b*tching at me or the world, like some random bus stop people do....either way when I initially showed up they seemed like a rather aggressive/creepy person I certainly didn't want to sit near while waiting for the bus.

_________________
Tis the time to melt the Ice.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,685
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

10 Sep 2017, 2:00 am

It's called "Sexual invisibility", google it.

And yes, obesity is a common cause for this.

ltcvnzl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Feb 2017
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,311
Location: brazil

10 Sep 2017, 3:52 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

It's called "Sexual invisibility", google it.

And yes, obesity is a common cause for this.

the strange thing is that I wasn't obese a few years ago and this still happened?

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,685
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

10 Sep 2017, 3:57 am

ltcvnzl wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

It's called "Sexual invisibility", google it.

And yes, obesity is a common cause for this.

the strange thing is that I wasn't obese a few years ago and this still happened?

Then maybe it's not just that.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,748
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

10 Sep 2017, 5:09 am

I'm not sure what to say to this because I do get noticed, but not talked to. Random guys will stare at me when I'm out and about. I don't really want to have weird clicking noises made at me.

Its more annoying that men don't want to bridge the gap in social settings. Some other girl is always better. They ask her out not me.

I guess I look good, but my body language says, "go away".

I'm not sure what I'm meant to do to be available. All my female friends tell me to stop looking and it'll just happen. But I'm meeting guys and nothing is happening.

Is an hourglass figure scary when most women, at least around here, don't look like that?

sly279
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,183
Location: US

10 Sep 2017, 3:11 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Are they less pretty then you?
I'd never ask you out, as your too pretty. Other guys are probably similar and go for the less petty woman they have more of a chance with. They probably think you're too good for them and this would reject them and shame them for even thinking you'd date someone so lowly. I saw something that said only a few guys ask every girl out, then there's ones who ask out selectively and then there's ones like me that are too shy.
So you'd probably be limited to the guys who ask every girl they see. That or asking guys you like who probably see you as out of their league. You have to remember most women who look at you see themselves as better then 95% of the male population and thus reject guys left and right and are cruel about it. You might not be that way but the others have made most guys want to avoid it unless they the super attractive ones who tend to want to sleep around

ltcvnzl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Feb 2017
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,311
Location: brazil

10 Sep 2017, 4:58 pm

a guy just catcalled me when i was coming back home – this wasn't the kind of attention I was complaining about. i got a bit scared because the street was empty and is already dark.

XFilesGeek
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,031
Location: The Oort Cloud

10 Sep 2017, 5:13 pm

Are you quiet?

As much as guys like to say it's more socially acceptable for women to be passive, the gals with the twinkling, extroverted personalities get most of the attention.

_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."

-XFG (no longer a moderator)

ltcvnzl
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Feb 2017
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,311
Location: brazil

10 Sep 2017, 5:40 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:

Are you quiet?

As much as guys like to say it's more socially acceptable for women to be passive, the gals with the twinkling, extroverted personalities get most of the attention.

that's probably the worst thing about my personality i'm quiet in life/social moments, but i'm very talkative in classes or political environment. i think people in general don't like this and i don't know why.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,748
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

10 Sep 2017, 5:43 pm

sly279 wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

Are they less pretty? Well they're normal looking. I look Itallian and I live in the uk. I'm angular, but most British women are little with round friendly features.

I have never gone camping in my life. I'm daytime outdoors lol.

DW_a_mom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,689
Location: Northern California

10 Sep 2017, 7:40 pm

In my observation, guys seem to notice two things (either or both, depending on the people involved):

1. Very appealing physical traits (lust), and/or
2. Great conversation (connection).

Since you say most of the conversations have gotten awkward, that is probably where your problem lies. Yet that is also something you might be able to fix with practice. Find a way to get comfortable around men and figure out how to help carry a conversation on things they find worth talking about.

This is an issue I know well, because I really struggled with it in my early dating years. It took a long time for me to realize men aren't equipped with magic readers able to get to know my heart and mind, which is basically what you are expecting them to do when you aren't sharing through good conversation. I used to convince myself I was being modest and reserved, but that is an excuse, really. You don't have to be loud or outgoing, but you have to be knowable.

Weight is, unfortunately, a liability in the dating world, but most guys (especially ones who struggle themselves) can overlook it when they feel a strong connection.

_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 10 Sep 2017, 8:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Page 1 of 7 [ 98 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 7 Next

Jump to:

being invisible for men Post Reply New Topic

being invisible for men