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I think I'll never get a bf. :(

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LoneLoyalWolf
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23 Aug 2018, 1:44 pm

Tequila wrote:
Say that in England and you get laughed at.

Why?


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Closet Genious
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23 Aug 2018, 1:53 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
Sure, you can tell me.

I posted some pics on a rateme site and got 171 upvotes, some pics in return from cute guys, over a hundred ratings and messages ranging from a 3/10 to a 10/10, but mainly in the 7-8 range. The ones who rate me lower seem to be self-described as "incels." I've also gotten some sugar daddy propositions and other strange messages.


I don't know that this says much by itself. I wager any woman could probably get about as much attention. Still, I've been rated as high or higher than other attractive people on the site by the same people, and as long as no one's catfishing, at least some of the guys who think I'm cute are cute too.


I suppose I should get out more. I think my reputation as weird and introverted is hurting me. If I see a cute guy, I just don't know how to talk to him. I could use advice on what to look for/how to act, I think.


See this is one of the major problems I think the internet has created for women, it gives you the option to allow people on the internet to blow your ego up to stratospheric proportions, by the sheer fact that us guys, are not sexually selective at all.
Now, you can take my advice or throw it in the bin, because alot of women won't like this message. You would do yourself a huge favor, by not using sites like that, because the approval you get on those sites is very unnatural.
Now, I'm not saying you don't "deserve" a good and attractive partner, but I honestly think if a long term relationship is what you're looking for, sites like that are really, really unhealthy.



Closet Genious
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23 Aug 2018, 1:58 pm

LoneLoyalWolf wrote:
Mean no offense Milady, but even if you are attractive, being humble about it makes it a lot more attractive. Looks mean nothing if you have a bad personality. In the end of the day, with a bad personality, you are just good for a good time, and that's it. No partner or marriage material. Sorry to tell you this.


100% this. I've never met a guy who didn't feel this way. (yes, even the top tier guys ladies!)

I see it all the time with my fellow female med students, through online approval, they end up thinking they're too good for anyone, when objectively, they're not.



Whale_Tuune
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23 Aug 2018, 1:59 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
Whale_Tuune wrote:
Sure, you can tell me.

I posted some pics on a rateme site and got 171 upvotes, some pics in return from cute guys, over a hundred ratings and messages ranging from a 3/10 to a 10/10, but mainly in the 7-8 range. The ones who rate me lower seem to be self-described as "incels." I've also gotten some sugar daddy propositions and other strange messages.


I don't know that this says much by itself. I wager any woman could probably get about as much attention. Still, I've been rated as high or higher than other attractive people on the site by the same people, and as long as no one's catfishing, at least some of the guys who think I'm cute are cute too.


I suppose I should get out more. I think my reputation as weird and introverted is hurting me. If I see a cute guy, I just don't know how to talk to him. I could use advice on what to look for/how to act, I think.


See this is one of the major problems I think the internet has created for women, it gives you the option to allow people on the internet to blow your ego up to stratospheric proportions, by the sheer fact that us guys, are not sexually selective at all.
Now, you can take my advice or throw it in the bin, because alot of women won't like this message. You would do yourself a huge favor, by not using sites like that, because the approval you get on those sites is very unnatural.
Now, I'm not saying you don't "deserve" a good and attractive partner, but I honestly think if a long term relationship is what you're looking for, sites like that are really, really unhealthy.


So how do you propose that I learn to "bat within my league?"


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23 Aug 2018, 2:00 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I suppose I should get out more. I think my reputation as weird and introverted is hurting me. If I see a cute guy, I just don't know how to talk to him. I could use advice on what to look for/how to act, I think.


You learn to talk to cute guys by first learning to talk to guys who aren't so cute. If you can't talk to guys you may need to practice with other people.

You don't want to change your reputation just to attract guys. They are going quickly figure out the real you and dump you. Sort of like a short guy advertising he is tall on a dating site. That never works.



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23 Aug 2018, 2:06 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
Whale_Tuune wrote:
Sure, you can tell me.

I posted some pics on a rateme site and got 171 upvotes, some pics in return from cute guys, over a hundred ratings and messages ranging from a 3/10 to a 10/10, but mainly in the 7-8 range. The ones who rate me lower seem to be self-described as "incels." I've also gotten some sugar daddy propositions and other strange messages.


I don't know that this says much by itself. I wager any woman could probably get about as much attention. Still, I've been rated as high or higher than other attractive people on the site by the same people, and as long as no one's catfishing, at least some of the guys who think I'm cute are cute too.


I suppose I should get out more. I think my reputation as weird and introverted is hurting me. If I see a cute guy, I just don't know how to talk to him. I could use advice on what to look for/how to act, I think.


See this is one of the major problems I think the internet has created for women, it gives you the option to allow people on the internet to blow your ego up to stratospheric proportions, by the sheer fact that us guys, are not sexually selective at all.
Now, you can take my advice or throw it in the bin, because alot of women won't like this message. You would do yourself a huge favor, by not using sites like that, because the approval you get on those sites is very unnatural.
Now, I'm not saying you don't "deserve" a good and attractive partner, but I honestly think if a long term relationship is what you're looking for, sites like that are really, really unhealthy.


I would have to agree with Clost Genius on this. It's similar with posting selfies on Instagram. People get addicted to the praise, but it's shallow.

It's difficult to make real and lasting friendships let alone romantic relationships. But you can find people in real life who see you for your positive qualities, of which I'm sure you have many.



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23 Aug 2018, 2:11 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Whale_Tuune wrote:
Sure, you can tell me.

I posted some pics on a rateme site and got 171 upvotes, some pics in return from cute guys, over a hundred ratings and messages ranging from a 3/10 to a 10/10, but mainly in the 7-8 range. The ones who rate me lower seem to be self-described as "incels." I've also gotten some sugar daddy propositions and other strange messages.


I don't know that this says much by itself. I wager any woman could probably get about as much attention. Still, I've been rated as high or higher than other attractive people on the site by the same people, and as long as no one's catfishing, at least some of the guys who think I'm cute are cute too.


I suppose I should get out more. I think my reputation as weird and introverted is hurting me. If I see a cute guy, I just don't know how to talk to him. I could use advice on what to look for/how to act, I think.


See this is one of the major problems I think the internet has created for women, it gives you the option to allow people on the internet to blow your ego up to stratospheric proportions, by the sheer fact that us guys, are not sexually selective at all.
Now, you can take my advice or throw it in the bin, because alot of women won't like this message. You would do yourself a huge favor, by not using sites like that, because the approval you get on those sites is very unnatural.
Now, I'm not saying you don't "deserve" a good and attractive partner, but I honestly think if a long term relationship is what you're looking for, sites like that are really, really unhealthy.


So how do you propose that I learn to "bat within my league?"


That's quite a difficult question honestly.
I would say that it's something that requires alot of awareness and reflection, but I would also say that a big part of it is focusing more on finding someone whom you actually like, rather than looking for someone to fuel your ego with. I'm guilty of this too, but it's a bad way forward if you actually want to build a good relationship.

But remember, I don't know if you're really batting out of your league to begin with.



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23 Aug 2018, 2:13 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
Sure, you can tell me.

I posted some pics on a rateme site and got 171 upvotes, some pics in return from cute guys, over a hundred ratings and messages ranging from a 3/10 to a 10/10, but mainly in the 7-8 range. The ones who rate me lower seem to be self-described as "incels." I've also gotten some sugar daddy propositions and other strange messages.


I don't know that this says much by itself. I wager any woman could probably get about as much attention. Still, I've been rated as high or higher than other attractive people on the site by the same people, and as long as no one's catfishing, at least some of the guys who think I'm cute are cute too.


I suppose I should get out more. I think my reputation as weird and introverted is hurting me. If I see a cute guy, I just don't know how to talk to him. I could use advice on what to look for/how to act, I think.


To recap, you know that you're attractive (or average at worst) because you've got that many "likes" or whatever. You've got lots of private messages. You draw lots of attention. Also, you know what a sugar daddy is and got propositions in that regard. What does a girl do in that position? She picks the best candidate and goes on a date. You don't have a problem.



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23 Aug 2018, 2:17 pm

I actually just realized this: A person will keep batting outside his/her league until they're comfortable with themselves, and emotionally self sufficient. Otherwise the person will keep batting outside his/her league to get the outside validation. Once the person is happy, and the validation has less power, the person will be better able to focus on what works and makes them happy/happier.

I also suspect, that unhappy guys tend to bat below, and unhappy girls tend to bat above. The reasons for that are quite complex, so I can't really be bothered to provide any substance to my theory. :P



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23 Aug 2018, 2:51 pm

LoneLoyalWolf wrote:
Tequila wrote:
Say that in England and you get laughed at.

Why?


If not mistaken, I think 'Milady' is an outdated Shakespearean term?



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23 Aug 2018, 2:53 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Whale_Tuune wrote:
Sure, you can tell me.

I posted some pics on a rateme site and got 171 upvotes, some pics in return from cute guys, over a hundred ratings and messages ranging from a 3/10 to a 10/10, but mainly in the 7-8 range. The ones who rate me lower seem to be self-described as "incels." I've also gotten some sugar daddy propositions and other strange messages.


I don't know that this says much by itself. I wager any woman could probably get about as much attention. Still, I've been rated as high or higher than other attractive people on the site by the same people, and as long as no one's catfishing, at least some of the guys who think I'm cute are cute too.


I suppose I should get out more. I think my reputation as weird and introverted is hurting me. If I see a cute guy, I just don't know how to talk to him. I could use advice on what to look for/how to act, I think.


See this is one of the major problems I think the internet has created for women, it gives you the option to allow people on the internet to blow your ego up to stratospheric proportions, by the sheer fact that us guys, are not sexually selective at all.
Now, you can take my advice or throw it in the bin, because alot of women won't like this message. You would do yourself a huge favor, by not using sites like that, because the approval you get on those sites is very unnatural.
Now, I'm not saying you don't "deserve" a good and attractive partner, but I honestly think if a long term relationship is what you're looking for, sites like that are really, really unhealthy.


So how do you propose that I learn to "bat within my league?"


It's easy, since you are a 'Whale', then go for another Whale.



LoneLoyalWolf
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23 Aug 2018, 3:02 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
If not mistaken, I think 'Milady' is an outdated Shakespearean term?

Great, that is why I use it :mrgreen:

Milady is something you say to a noblewoman or a woman you hold in high regards. I just say it to be polite and a gentleman, like my grandfather always did before he passed. I use it in his honor.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It's easy, since you are a 'Whale', then go for another Whale.

:lmao:


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Whale_Tuune
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23 Aug 2018, 3:09 pm

:lol: Thanks, guys.

Like I said, part of the problem is that I don't really put myself out there, and honestly have no understanding of how guys signal their interest.

This means, guys I like may like me, but I'd have no way of knowing.

I'm terribly afraid of getting publicly rebuked if I try flirting with one. I don't even know how to do so in a way that's natural and not artificial.

Honestly, the quality I am most attracted to in a man is good social skills, which I understand is extremely ironic and puts me at a bit of a disadvantage.


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23 Aug 2018, 3:23 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
LoneLoyalWolf wrote:
Tequila wrote:
Say that in England and you get laughed at.

Why?


If not mistaken, I think 'Milady' is an outdated Shakespearean term?


It's one of the major catchphrases of a neckbeard (universally mocked and despised, FYI).
Image

Whale_Tuune wrote:
:lol: Thanks, guys.
Honestly, the quality I am most attracted to in a man is good social skills, which I understand is extremely ironic and puts me at a bit of a disadvantage.


Well you've come to the wrong forum then, lol.



Whale_Tuune
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23 Aug 2018, 3:32 pm

I'm coming to this forum to share experience/advice and receive support, not to find dates....

Besides which, I have limited means of transportation, which means I can only date within my area, and I doubt many young eligible bachelors on this forum or online in general live that much near me.

I guess my bigger question is if it's inherently hypocritical to be attracted to good social skills, or if that's "out of my league". Frankly, guys can actually be like a 4/5 and if they're good at social skills, I still like them...


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23 Aug 2018, 3:36 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
:lol: Thanks, guys.

Like I said, part of the problem is that I don't really put myself out there, and honestly have no understanding of how guys signal their interest.

This means, guys I like may like me, but I'd have no way of knowing.

I'm terribly afraid of getting publicly rebuked if I try flirting with one. I don't even know how to do so in a way that's natural and not artificial.

Honestly, the quality I am most attracted to in a man is good social skills, which I understand is extremely ironic and puts me at a bit of a disadvantage.



I totally relate to this. I'm scared of making a fool of myself. I know that people like me generally. I know that guys like hanging out with me as friends. But I haven't been asked out in 10years and it makes me feel like there is something very obviously wrong with me that I can't see, but everyone else can. Now I don't actually think there is anything much wrong with me other than awkwardness. Social things can confuse me, but I've improved vastly over the last 10 years.

But yes, I like a guy who makes interesting conversation. It makes up for my lack of ability in that way. I have other qualities I can bring to the relationship. I tend to scare off shy guys anyway because I'm so opinionated. But I admire someone who can think of questions to ask people and who makes the conversation flow.