Does my boyfriend have ASD can i ask him if he does?

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So ive been dating my BF for 3 years. we live apart and both from previous long term relationships.
I dont have ASD but i work with children who do. The more my relationship goes on the more i believe he could be on the spectrum.
He is very sensitive to noises and tends to switch off on aeroplane’s or train’s with noise cancelling head phones. He loves loud rock concerts tho?
He is uber organised and has mentioned his OCD before.
He puts his day into
boxes of time... once i showed up unannounced and he couldn’t cope, i felt like id introuded and left promptly.
He has admitted he finds talking about his emotions hard. But if a problem arises he will sit down and want a formal discussion about the problem to make sure it is sorted.
He doesn’t seem to miss me
like i miss him? i feel bad at times mentioning i miss him. He works away for 3 days every other week. He seems quite happy and never seems to pine for me, loke i do for him. We moslty see each other at the weekends & he is fine with that.
He is extremely bright. Plays many instruments and composes music. He is a actor and has 3 shows at local Theatres every year. He loves travel and cant stay in one place for long.

One of his friends believes, and has said to me on a drunken night that my BF is definitely on the spectrum somewhere?

The thing is he drinks alot most weekends, could this be his way of coping with his social life?
I see some signs and dont know if i should approach it with him
or just leave it?
He has mentioned his childhood and how badly behaved he was, ive asked why but he changed the subject...
ive asked a few more times and he closes off.
Any advice please?

Many thanks

does it matter if he is asd?

there is no "cure."

if you're unhappy with him, break up.
if he makes you happy, stay with him.

Not at all! I love him somvery much, i just want to understand him and us more that is all.

First, no one here is an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional.

Second, even if someone here was such a professional, no valid diagnosis could be made without meeting your boyfriend.

Finally, asking someone if they have a developmental disorder like autism could insult them -- thus ending your relationship, or at least jeopardizing its future.

It's possible he's on the spectrum but is not aware that he is. Where I come from most people have not heard of autism or Aspergers & think of it as something like Rain Man. Even the so-called experts think of it as a less sever form of mental retardation so LOTS of people including me slip through the cracks with diagnoses & may never hear of or suspect they are on the spectrum.

It does sound like a significant fit to spectrum traits. The music thing is entirely plausible I'd think as I enjoy loud music and even concerts, to an extent.

Like others said, if he is, he might not know. Framing any initial discussion around Asperger's rather than ASD might help make it more approachable for him.

You could consider asking if he would agree to run through some screening tests which are accessible online. It would also be good to make your motivations clear.

If he is on the spectrum, it may be that with more understanding of that, and a mutual willingness to adjust & make things work, this could be the best thing that's ever happened for your relationship.

The whole exercise is not devoid of risk, so I'll leave you with the advice to exercise thoughtfulness and sensitivity in whatever steps you take.

Wishing you both all the best.

It matters IF he knows, or wants to know. IF he wants to learn about it in order to overcome some of it, or to learn about his own traits so that he can have accept them and deal with things in his relationship with an understanding that his symptoms and traits do in fact affect his life and relationships.

While there is no cure, there are multiple treatment options should he choose to go down that path.

If he's completely unaware of his diagnosis, he can't make an informed decision as to whether he wants to say "I'm me, that's it. I'm not interested in reading up about a diagnosis," or "Whoa.. never knew! Let me look into this, learn, and then see what, if anything, I want to do about it." And then the OP could make a decision about how they want to react to his decision.. either just accepting him as he is, or working with him to have a better relationship, or breaking up, or whatever.

All of these things are highly personal decisions for all involved and we can't tell the OP what's best.

For myself, once I realized my diagnosis I researched things to the nth degree and figured out how to treat my symptoms in order to live a much better & more fulfilling life. For a close friend, once I brought his diagnosis to his attention and informed him that that's why we get along as well as we do - we're both on the spectrum and can talk for hours about mutual special interests - his reaction was basically "I accept me for me as I am, I'm how I'm supposed to be, I'm not interested in labels or massive amounts of work to change who I am," kind of thing and we've never really discussed it since. I do what I do in order to live a much higher functioning life than I used to, he's never hit the lows I did and can get along Okay with minor frustrations he's okay with accepting about himself.

Soooooo, it depends on him how he reacts to it. Personally, I'd tell him and then just go with his reaction. If he wants to know, learn, and do something about it - okay, do that. If he wants to pretend it doesn't even exist and he's just fine as he is and not interested in learning one iota about it, never mind exploring treatment options of any kind, then go with that & accept that if you stay with him that that's simply the way things, and him, are going to be.