A cool man’s advice regarding ghosting

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Some people are just slow to respond because they don't check their messages frequently or are still thinking about what to say. In other instances the messages may be missed.

Someone had sent me a number of texts once that I had been unaware of because some settings on the phone had been changed while it was in my back pocket and they went in to a filter folder. I did not learn about this for sone time.

I am so fed up of this "ghosting" thing. I reserve the right to decide who I talk to and to whom do not.
I don't owe an explanation to anyone, I do not need to give "closure" to anyone.
We met 1, 2, 5 times... we are practically strangers and I learnt the rules.
If somebody disappears = he was not that into you, you were good enough for one night only.
Simple as that.
And when I ghost people I have a very good reason. I ghosted two friends after years of trying to make it work and putting up with their condescending BS and lying. I decided they were not worthy of my time any more.

Basically when somebody disappears, take it they were not interested, they got what they wanted or they didn't get what they wanted but they were NOT interested in you.

The guy in the video said nothing about owing an explanation to anyone.

That is kind of implied in a way. If you call somebody a ghoster that's because you want an explanation.
There's a difference between
"He or she ghosted me."
or
"He or she didn't reply to my texts."

First is a hurt snowflake, the second is somebody who can handle that sometimes people are just not into them.

Anyway sorry just this was I think the seventh thread or article I saw about ghosting within three days.

The guy is cute though

/ghosting CannibalCorpse

I'm equally annoyed by the whining about 'snowflakes'. You're complaining just as much.

I know this is the L&D forum, but the guy keeps emphasizing that it's men being ghosted by women that they were interested in.

I get that, whatever, but I'm ghosted by everyone. Old friends, best friends, males, females, etc. At the moment, I have a total of probably two friends who don't ghost me online. And one of them doesn't count, because I see her almost every day.

We just have to come to grips with the fact that we will never be as interesting as the endless stream of memes that people are scrolling through.



"The meme stream", I like it.

Ghosting is also a good way to find out who is really interested in you. Just stop communicating with them, and see how long it takes for them to contact you. If it's never, then forget about them; they were never into you in the first place.

I've ghosted co-workers by taking them off of my mailing list. About half came by to ask "What happened?" The rest never did. Paring down my mailing list this way keeps me in control of the "need to know" of my activities.

For those who want 'closure', you can always check their FaceBook page and Twitter feeds. Sooner or later, they will likely mention you in some uncomplimentary fashion, and you will find out exactly how they feel about you.

I don't see what the fuss is about with ghosting -- it isn't an attack or an insult, or any other form of aggression. It's simply the one best defense against annoying people who either want to waste your time, drain your resources, or both.

I think these games are silly and that the advent of texting becoming the primary mode of person to person communication has had detrimental impact on society as it removes elements of person to person interaction that are necessary to fulfill certain social needs and grow relationships.

I have a relative who is one of the few who has had luck meeting someone over a dating site and he did it by limiting most of his interactions to in person meetings or phone calls. He did not correspond over text any more than was necessary to set up the first meeting or conversation. He would start to set up the next meeting at the first one.

I used to work with a fine collection of narcissists (read medical doctors, though not all of them were narcs) and the standard trick was to send me an email, then another one two minutes later demanding to know why I had not answered the first, then another one five minutes after that, regardless of where I might be (in a meeting? At lunch? Out ill with an autoreply going to everyone? On vacation, also with autoreply and a note on my office door?). Edit in: none of this was ever a crisis, none of the messages required an instantaneous response, and my usual turnaround time was same-day.

My standard response was to allow several of these to accumulate from multiple offenders, then send a screenshot of my inbox showing the pileon and names of all offenders, to all of them, with CCs to their boss, asking them to please allow me sufficient time to respond in sufficient detail to resolve the issues.

I was lucky, as their boss was actually a decent guy and valued me, or I'd never have done this.

Treating email like a pager is stupid!

If people need my immediate attention, they know to call me on the phone. If what they have to say does not require my immediate attention, then they can use email.

My mobile phone is tied in to my vehicle's sound system, so even when I'm driving, a phone call is best. I don't know why people email or text me when they know I'm driving and expect me to respond immediately (because they know I won't).

The moment I heard "game", I regretted beginning to watch the video.

He may be a pua guy who’s used to pua vocab, but there’s nothing pua in this particular advice.

He is basically saying: if a girl ghosts you, move on. And don’t bombard her with texts, and most importantly don’t send angry texts.

Even the “trick” he mentioned, he emphasized that even if it works to make her initiate text, don’t go out with her because she will ghost you again.

It’s a sensible advice overall, and it’s no pua; the pua dogma is more like “Do whatever it takes to get a hookup with a girl regardless of your dignity”. This video is not that.

PUA is good advice taken with a grain of salt.

I’d never heard the terms “low value,” “high value” before this video, actually. I’m not into PUA, so I only get bits and pieces about it on WP, then I check it out for myself. “High value” meaning you feel your time is important and best spent with people who value you, versus “low value” where basically you’re just trying to impress other people you have no connection with, then go away crying because nobody likes you.

People tend to gravitate towards high value folks naturally and avoid people who have obvious negative tendencies. Trying to get back with a ghoste is just a waste of life.

WTF is PUA??