I messed up on online dating.

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So I’ve been messaging a women on POF, and I didn’t know I’d make such a strong connection. We have a lot in common. I recently revealed to her that I’m not using a pic of me. Due to intense anxiety I just couldn't upload a pic of me, as of right now I am trying to overcome it.

So do I show her a pic of myself or just bail? She is pissed off.

It's best to upload no photo of yourself than a photo of someone other than yourself or a photo that is misrepresentative.

I believe the key to success at online dating is to actually meet the person offline as soon as possible and be commited to actually forging a relationship. If you are too afraid to reveal your identity then you will likely not have much success.

Consider this the first test of your relationship, as in "What has the greater priority: Her curiosity about your appearance, or your anxiety about your appearance?"

If she 'dumps' you because of something so trivial as not knowing how you look (yet), then she would likely 'dump' you for something equally trivial; like how much money you have in the bank, which employer you work for, where you live, how big your house is, what kind of car you drive, et cetera.

If she respects your anxiety, then she may be worth a little more effort to get to know.

If one of her priorities is honesty in a relationship, she may not find him a suitable candidate now regardless of how handsome she thinks he is.

Honesty would be an issue only if the OP posts someone else's picture instead of his own. Then it would be dishonesty, and she would have every right and reason to block him out of her life and seek happiness elsewhere.

Telling her up front that he has anxiety about his appearance is an example of honesty. Heck, I'm embarrassed about my own looks, and I won't go swimming in public if I don't know anyone there.

So... you posted a photo of someone else?

If that's the case - Did you not ever think that you'd meet her in person and that she would not find out that you lied?

Or did you just not post a photo at all? Which one is it, because the answer is going to be different in each case.

I posted a picture of someone else, and she blocked me. She did send me one last message before she did. She said I was "nothing but a liar, not worth it, I hate being lied to, and I'm not waiting for a pic. Honesty goes a long way."

Didn't believe you build such a strong connection through online dating.

Well, it's the getting to know someone part of a connection, you build from the bottom up. It's like the foundation, and the online profile is the foundation. It's supposed to represent you.

And you posted a photo of someone else as a representation of you. In essence, you lied.

If it bothers you so much, it would be better to post no photo at all.

Well, then ... you blew it. Don't do it again.

The important thing is that you learned something about honesty (I hope).

Next time, express your anxiety, and post nothing until you've met someone in person.

Good luck.

No wonder she blocked you. I would have blocked someone that did that to me too. No offense.

Posting a fake picture makes you a catfish. I don't know too many people who would trust a catfish. What on earth would compel you to do that?

Yes. Yes, you did.

Honesty is what successful relationships are built on. She is a smart girl, good for her.

Try to move on, learn from this, and you now have 2 options:

- Post your "real" photo.
- Not post a photo at all.

IMO, online dating is just a waste of time and money because you may become overwhelmed by how much people you could end up may want from you.

As for what you did by posting a pic of someone else, you should never do it again because many people seeking relationships want the other to always tell the truth and try to learn from this mistake.

I think you need to clarify what you're talking about: is it that you had no picture at all, or that you were using the picture of someone else?

If the former, I think it's obvious you should upload one; online dating would be superfluous if you never meet each other, and when you do, she'll see you anyway.

If it's the latter, I'd delete your account and start again; that's creepy in the extreme.

He already stated it's the latter.

And yes this is life rules 101. Never use a photo of someone else. And it's not much better to have no photo at all. You can spend some time on your own, take it in a good place, brush up just for it, you can even photoshop it slightly. But 100% never use a photo of someone else unless you have a better looking twin that lets you or you find a convincing doppelganger. I'd have blocked you too.