Will I always be told "I have a boyfriend."?

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I often feel like there are no single women I am attracted to left. This is also why I feel like I can't get a date. Whenever I see a girl I find attractive, she usually has a boyfriend/husband or she'll mention being in a relationship. The girls I asked out also told me "I have a boyfriend." which didn't help my confidence at all. Is that what I will always be told?

«Are you happy with your boyfriend ?» Not all of them always are, and in such cases, some of them may sometimes be trying to 'desperately' get out of that relationship, but are afraid to without a replacement so-called 'boyfriend'.

I used to know someone who was polyamorous but her relationship network wasn't big enough to include me. She exploited me for money and my car then discarded me when she moved away.

Then stop going after women who are already in relationships -- go after the ones who are not, instead.

I don't go after women who are in relationships and the ones I asked out I had no idea were in relationships. You think I have pre-cognition? Why would I purposefully go after someone who has her boyfriend/husband around her or has mentioned having a boyfriend/husband already?

Well, then what's the real problem here? It's been said many times before that you need to work on becoming more attractive to women. Have you taken control of your finances and moved out of your parents' home yet?

Maybe Bea could chime in on this one, too.

Are you looking for random women that you think are physically attractive? Atleast try to be friends with them and get to know them first. Eventually women become single again, by becoming their friend it would increase your chances. She might even have single female friends she could introduce you to. Timing is a huge factor. I've noticed a lot of people nowadays don't stay single for long, they jump from relationship to relationship... but I better not get in that.

I started a thread about this very thing. Will post link upon request.

You need to understand that this is actually a thing. A substantial number of women keep men in the wings, ready to jump right into a new relationship after a breakup. Might be a friend at work. Might be an ex. Might be anyone. The point here is that relationships form LONG before people claim bf/gf status.

You can’t get a date with someone right after she breaks up with her bf. Not “you” Marknis, I mean “you” anybody. You can’t. Because she already knows who she’s jumping to before things turn bad.

I used to feel guilty about 3 things I used to do when I was younger: cheating, encouraging girls to cheat with me, and pursuing girls in relationships. The first two I regret. But I no longer feel so bad about the third.

It’s no different than getting a good job. You already have a relationship with the employer, you know when someone is leaving because they tell you they’re leaving, and you have people working on the inside to get your resumé to the top of the stack.

You’ve known the girl a long time. She said she’s unhappy with her bf. You’re there to comfort her when she dumps him (or he dumps her). You’re already THERE. Not the next guy in line. You steal a kiss and she’s practically yours.

Whether you snag her before the relationship is officially over, whether you are party to her cheating or not, well...that’s between you and your conscience. The downside of taking on a cheater is once they figure out they can cheat, it’s easier for them to do it to you.

Something I emphasize is the importance of building ongoing casual relationships. I stress that because I honestly believe the friendzone is a myth. An ongoing friendship with someone means you have a closeness with that person. One advantage that feminism has afforded us as men is that women assert themselves and are strongly averse to isolation. It’s a mark of abuse. Your bf has no right to tell you not to hang out with guy friends. Any woman is, for lack of a better term, “fair game” regardless of relationship status. If her bf confronts you, you’re “just hanging out, what’s the big deal? Hey, why don’t you join us? I’ll buy you some coffee...” And after you’re super-nice to him and he throws a fit, you ask her how she can stand to be with someone who acts like that. Then you express your concern for her safety and well-being, because if he’ll act like that with someone else in public, what will he do to her when no one is around?

Hopefully you won’t ever have to deal with that. But the more of these kinds of relationships you have, the more likely you are to set yourself up for something more than friendship. You just have to get to the “top of the stack.” It’s not nearly as hard as you think.

I would avoid married couples. Different dynamic. A breakup with a bf will ruin his day. A divorce might ruin his life. People might disagree with me, but I think couples have to be extra-vigilant about marriage. My wife used to get asked out for lunch by a boss after he fired her and went through a divorce himself. I told her I’d be delighted to hang out with them and would even pay the bill.

He quit texting her after that.

Boyfriends are normally powerless to stop other men from moving in on their gf. If you think it’s rough just getting one coffee date, imagine what it’s like maintaining the relationship. If she’s heart-and-soul into you, she’ll isolate herself from other men and they won’t stand a chance. That’s marriage material. But other men will always TRY. And as long as feminism leaves that door open, there’s NO REASON WHATSOEVER that you shouldn’t try, too.

That’s not a dig at feminism, btw. Feminism is founded on exploitation of women. Independent, strong women are a credit to the movement. People are more aware of and sensitive to toxicity. It looks really, really bad for bfs to keep gfs on a leash, long or short. And girls don’t even NEED a reason to ghost you. It’s a twist of irony that men have less power in committed relationships than they do as lone PUA’s.

So if this is what counts as acceptible out there in the real dating world, don’t automatically write couples off. Form those bonds early on. Don’t be afraid to question the exact nature of the relationship. Decide from there if these are girls worth pursuing in the long run. But don’t write them off just because of relationship status because when they make the jump, one of them might be jumping to you. You need to be prepared for that.

How are you doing at getting your mother off as your designated payee?

I thought you said you didn't care about me? Why is your tune different now?

Answer the question.

Mark, your first post on WP was in January of 2016. This is what you wrote:

"I am turning 28 this year and I am still lonely, depressed, and confused as I was when I was 18."

Since that time, you have given suggestion, after suggestion, after suggestion. Two years have passed. What have you done to change your circumstances?

Two years went by. Think of what you could have accomplished in those 2 years!

Now you're 30. At this point, you're going to continue doing the same thing, accomplishing nothing, and you'll still be here complaining that you wasted your 30s.

You've already acknowledged that you know things don't happen due to god's will as you were apparently taught by your family. You've already acknowledged that you hate where you live. And you've admitted that your mother controls your finances. And this all makes you unhappy.

Well Mark - what are you going to do about it?

I did some things to try to get out of my rut for those two years. In 2016, I joined a Meet Up group that I still sometimes attend, I did some speed dating because it was said to be more productive than online dating, I went to some music shows on my own, attended a reading event, and went to an anime convention at the end of the year. I struggle with the Meet Up group, the speed dating was unproductive, no one wanted to be my friend at the music shows, the reading event was lukewarm, and I couldn't make any new friends at the anime convention despite trying my best.

In 2017, I tried college again (Last time was in 2015), I joined an Unitarian fellowship, I asked some girls out for coffee, I went to a comic con, and went to some more music shows. College was just the same as the previous times I've enrolled, I got turned down by the girls I asked out, the Unitarian fellowship was largely an elderly social group, I couldn't socialize much at all at the comic con, and the music shows were a repeat of the previous year's ones. Both my siblings also got married while I couldn't even get a f*****g simple coffee date.

If I make it to my 40's and things are still the same, I should probably just go ahead and commit suicide. I already feel like doing it at the end of the year if it ends with me still single.

So for one thing, you did all this stuff (which on its own is great) but you approach each one as something to Find a Girlfriend. I mean, besides the obvious Speed Dating thing, which is about dating, everything else is something a person is supposed to do for the enjoyment of it. Or college, which is for education and to improve career/job prospects.

You're way too overly obsessed with this and need to refocus. This does not mean giving up, it means refocusing on things you can change to make the immediate things better for you. Like proving you can be independent and getting yourself designated as your own payee. Then you could move closer to Austin.

The things you've been doing have not been working so try something different.

I just see relationships wherever I go and it makes me feel the pain of missing out because I am usually alone. It hurts especially when I am at a music show and I see a couple who both enjoy the band; I've even seen some couples make out or find places to have sex at the show. My older brother was constantly dating girls and bringing them home while my parents refused to let me date. They even angrily shouted at me "You don't need a girlfriend!" and other demeaning things while they constantly cheated on each other until they divorced and have gone through multiple marriages throughout their lives.

Everyone tells me to stop looking for a girlfriend but yet it's ok for them to pursue relationships.

Maybe your parents were scared of you and your brother becoming like them, and since they clearly lost control of your older brother they just focused on you? I dunno, if I spent my life in miserable relationships I'd warn others not to go near them.