My therapist gave me homework

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I got to see my therapist earlier than scheduled because someone else cancelled an appointment today. I asked her for some homework before I left. A part of the homework mentions relationships.

My therapist also told me I need to change my worldview from desperation to just living my life. I just wonder if I'll be able to do that until I see her again. Just how can I feel better after all the bad things I've had to go through this year?

I think she's right. I've noticed that you seem, no offence, to make so many desperate-sounding posts here that it's become a part of your identity.

Just as our experiences shape our attitudes, so our attitudes shape our experiences. If you made a commitment to stay away from the dating section here for a few weeks, so as not to reinforce your attitude, and stuck by it, you'd see it improve.

What else does your homework say? There may be things that can help.

s**t happens so learn to deal with it. Skip your desperation it does not help you at all. Once you are down try to hear a little bit hard rock and enjoy the power of it.

You might try affirmations, posting them around your room, and repeating them aloud or silently many times a day. This really helps some people.

I suggest as a first try, the following: "I do enough / I have enough / I am enough."

And I just want to re-iterate: Change is hard, but I definitely see you making the effort. Hang in there.

I'll tell you what helps me appreciate life. Walks in the countryside. It's just great to get away from all the noise and listen to the birds singing and the leaves rustling and taking in all the colours. It's like a sensory cleanse.

What helps me get through the day is the knowledge that all of the things that happened to me in the past are in the past, and that they will not affect me in the present unless I let them.

The past has gone away. The future has not yet arrived. Only the present is now.

Music and poetry are often helpful in finding the strength to move forward.

some favourites:

I live in an area where people date and marry early or have constant sex so relationships are shoved in my face daily. When I had the depression kicking in so much, I felt like I was missing out as if my invitation to the party got lost in the mail.

I used to listen to death metal back when the depression was truly kicking in. It later caused me to have sensitive ears and I sometimes can't hear properly. Besides Napalm Death and early Amorphis (I do like the current Tomi Joutsen era), Fear Factory, Paradise Lost, and My Dying Bride, I can't listen to it anymore.

You've been expressing a lot of contempt for myself and people like me. Stay out of my threads. I don't consider you a friend and I never will.

It asks what my life values and thought patterns are.

This is your chance to say who you really are and be heard Mark.

To see it written down can be quite a enlightening experience.

I am looking forward to hearing about how this works for you

What I have been doing is offering useful advice from a perspective of experience, and then becoming exasperated when you refuse to even consider it.

I think that's a good first step. Get yourself a nice notepad and use it as a journal.

Day 1: what is your truthful answer to what your life values are? Write it down. Even if it truly is that you want to have a relationship. Write that down. The first step is to admit the truth. If you start with what you think the therapist wants to hear, then you won't get anywhere. The very first step is how you perceive things now.

What are your thought patterns? When you get up tomorrow. Write down what you think about. My worst negative thoughts are in the morning. I am trying to train myself out of it, but I think of my bad points when I look in the mirror brushing my hair. I keep thinking that I am a nothing, a stupid lump that no one wants. I keeping thinking about what that guy said to me when he emphasised that he wanted people to know there was nothing going on between us. It really cut me. And then I cry a bit... less now than I did at first.

That is a cycle my thoughts go through in the morning. Now that I have identified it truthfully (and thats actually the first time ive admitted that and written it down) I can catch myself at the beginning of the cycle and try and force myself to break the cycle and think of something else instead. It's not easy. Breaking a cycle of thought is like breaking a habit such as smoking or nail biting.

You will fail a few times to break the thought patterns and I do fail some mornings. I do go back to the cycle, but I'm trying to fight it.

I like Beas idea of posting affirmations. I will write some and put them on my mirror. When I feel the cycle starting I will read the notes instead.

I hope this makes sense.

Keep a record of your thoughts throughout the day. If you have negative thoughts write about where you were and what triggered the thoughts. Don't blame. Don't say it's all my brothers fault, unless he actually did say a thing to you right there and then. Write the exact thing that happened in present tense that triggered the thought or got you thinking back to what someone said.

If you figure out what the triggers are it will be easier to avoid or fight them off in the future. Show your therapist your journal at your next appointment.