Starting to date after horrendous break up

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Jake6238
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23 Oct 2018, 2:32 pm

In short I had an awful break up about 2 years ago, my ex cheated on me about 2 weeks after I left for University. I got really depressed and anxious and I've basically been in therapy since then. I'm doing better now, building up my self esteem, investing time in hobbies etc etc.

However, I started talking to a really nice girl on tinder (My first proper match, I go on to actually talk not hook-up) last night. We talked for a few hours and obviously it brought up all my history to the point where I was sweating with fear (I'm not even sure of what). I've focused so much on myself the last 2 years but I'm not sure I'm ready to even be close to someone in a non-intimate way let alone anything else. I'm also in my 3rd year at Uni so it's not even a good time to be on the market. Even so, I really enjoy talking to her and don't want to throw the fish back into the water, so to speak.

Do you think Aspies in general need more time after a break-up? How do you know that you're emotionally ready to get back out there?

TL:DR Basically It's the first time I've thought about getting back out there for 2 years after a horrible break-up and I'm scared to death and wondering if it's worth it or even the right time.



Prometheus18
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23 Oct 2018, 2:40 pm

Your priorities: get a degree, a job and a car and THEN think about women. And for God's sake don't go looking for one on Tinder - even if you're not on there for hookups, they are. For that matter, don't waste your time with ANY dating app.



Last edited by Prometheus18 on 23 Oct 2018, 3:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

that1weirdgrrrl
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23 Oct 2018, 2:54 pm

focusing on your own hobbies is a great way to feel better when getting over someone (that's how i cope with losing someone as well).

for me, looking at what went wrong in the failed relationship helps me see what i want to do differently in the next one.
in the case of mistreatment by the other person, knowing what early indicators to look for helps.

you mentioned being in therapy. could your therapist help you find the answers to some of these questions?

lastly, heartbreak sucks. i hope you feel better soon!



Jake6238
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23 Oct 2018, 3:55 pm

Thanks for the responses.

I wasn't really looking for anyone on tinder I just go on it when I'm bored. We just started talking by coincidence and so far as I know we're very like-minded when it comes to hook-ups and the like in that we prefer to just get to know people and see where it goes.

I will try and talk to my therapist about this stuff, I'm currently waiting to get more sessions. The doctors are moving awfully slow to get round to it :roll: