Is being direct the best approach to dating for Aspies?

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TW1ZTY
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20 Oct 2018, 11:47 am

I don't think I have it in me to be coy and tell if a person might actually be interested in me.

If I meet a person I like is it best to just be straight-forward and honest and ask if they would be interested in dating?



Raleigh
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20 Oct 2018, 1:32 pm

If it's someone you've just met, that could be a bit awkward.


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TW1ZTY
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20 Oct 2018, 1:45 pm

Raleigh wrote:
If it's someone you've just met, that could be a bit awkward.

Yeah I know, obviously I meant if it's somebody I've gotten to know for awhile.

I mean I wouldn't want to go out with somebody who has just met me either. I'd be suspicious lol.



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20 Oct 2018, 1:51 pm

That sounds like the best way to do it to me. Bear in mind my lack of experience is like the blind leading the blind here, but if I put myself in the place of the woman here and I'm beginning to think this guy I know likes me and I like him too, yeah I'm going to be happy if he asks me if I want to date him... and I'd say yes.



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20 Oct 2018, 1:51 pm

Well, idk, I'm Aspie and I enjoy the whole flirty uncertainty thing.
It's gotten me into a lot of trouble at times but it does seem to draw people in.

But, yeah, if you want to be boring, I suppose you could just ask.


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hurtloam
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20 Oct 2018, 1:58 pm

Raleigh wrote:
Well, idk, I'm Aspie and I enjoy the whole flirty uncertainty thing.
It's gotten me into a lot of trouble at times but it does seem to draw people in.

But, yeah, if you want to be boring, I suppose you could just ask.


I want boring. I want to know if he actually likes me or if he's just having fun being flirty. I hate the uncertainty. It leaves me second guessing myself and feeling worthless when the guy finally gets bored and moves onto someone else.



Raleigh
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20 Oct 2018, 2:09 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
Well, idk, I'm Aspie and I enjoy the whole flirty uncertainty thing.
It's gotten me into a lot of trouble at times but it does seem to draw people in.

But, yeah, if you want to be boring, I suppose you could just ask.


I want boring. I want to know if he actually likes me or if he's just having fun being flirty. I hate the uncertainty. It leaves me second guessing myself and feeling worthless when the guy finally gets bored and moves onto someone else.

do you flirt back?


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20 Oct 2018, 2:30 pm

Raleigh wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
Well, idk, I'm Aspie and I enjoy the whole flirty uncertainty thing.
It's gotten me into a lot of trouble at times but it does seem to draw people in.

But, yeah, if you want to be boring, I suppose you could just ask.


I want boring. I want to know if he actually likes me or if he's just having fun being flirty. I hate the uncertainty. It leaves me second guessing myself and feeling worthless when the guy finally gets bored and moves onto someone else.

do you flirt back?

Yes



Raleigh
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20 Oct 2018, 2:55 pm

^ do you take it seriously?


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20 Oct 2018, 3:04 pm

I would tell you there should be a balance between having had a conversation with her for more than a few times and not being considered too creepy and awkward. But note, that I had only one experience with a single person (actually lasted a good one year) and I myself have never directly flirted with the intention of wanting to get a date before.



rdos
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20 Oct 2018, 3:06 pm

I strongly dislike boring. Love is supposed to be exciting.



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20 Oct 2018, 3:09 pm

Raleigh wrote:
^ do you take it seriously?


Yes. I've been told I fall too hard and get too serious (by female friends observing).



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20 Oct 2018, 3:32 pm

rdos wrote:
I strongly dislike boring. Love is supposed to be exciting.


Not knowing if the other person really cares isn't exciting to me. I think knowing would make it more exciting. Like, I can really get let go and enjoy it without worrying I'm making a fool of myself for some dude who doesn't reallhy give a crap.



rdos
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20 Oct 2018, 3:42 pm

I usually know when it is mutual so that is not a problem for me. Besides, in the natural state of things rejection is not an issue because you don't talk or follow a dating script.



TW1ZTY
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20 Oct 2018, 4:16 pm

Yeah I don't like falling for a guy who I think is flirting with me but it turns out they really have no real interest in me. That happened once before with a man at the plasma center where I used to donate and I was disappointed.

But maybe just being really nice to somebody you like and complimenting them can be a form of flirting? :)



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20 Oct 2018, 9:48 pm

In my experience the direct approach freaks women out & scares them away. However the direct approach would probably work better with men since they often complain about women playing "mind-games" & how they don't understand women or know what they want. The direct approach would also probably work better if your interested in an Aspie.


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